Self-indulgent?

[dropdeadred]

Hi All,

So, I leave for the airport in about six hours and I'm doing my usual pre-flight "it'll be fine, it's safe, there's nothing to fear..." mantra already.

Some of the techniques I've used on the plane include talking with the pilots before the flight, talking with the flight attendants and, if I'm really keyed up, talking with the stranger next to me during takeoff (which isn't easy for an introvert like me!).

But I always feel like I'm being self-indulgent when I do these things. As if to say, "I'm scared so pay attention to me!" I've had one pilot welcome me over the PA once we'd reached cruising altitude, another actually *sing* to me over the PA ("When you're smiling") and one flight attendant bump me up to the front row in first class on a very empty flight.

While all those things were very nice (though the singing was a little embarrassing), I feel like I'm being silly in my fear, and asking for more...coddling, I guess, from those around me. Like I'm acting as if I'm more important than the other passengers because I'm letting this silly fear affect me.

Does anybody else ever feel that way or am I just nuts?

Maybe you shouldn't answer that. :D

Thanks for letting me ramble and for the support!

Red

[Chelle]

Aaaw, I wouldn't think like that. And I would be tickled if a pilot (or anyone for that matter!) sang to me :D

Your fear of flying is not your fault. It's not like you fabricated this as a way to gain attention. We need to do whatever it takes to get us through it, including reaching out to others, and letting others help us. The flight crew's job is to make sure all the passengers have a safe and comfortable flight, even if that means a little extra attention for those who need it.

I do know how you mean though, I'm an otherwise self-sufficient person and can be strong in just about any situation... except on an airplane. It's a hard pill to swallow. You obviously have a great deal of self-awareness though, and that will help in overcoming this :)

Don't beat yourself up... and have a great flight!!

[spleisher]

Red,

You'll be fine!! Let us all know how it goes.... I have another good techniques for you. This one works great on Southwest. It's called "stalk a pilot". :ray I guarantee you, if you ever find a dead-heading pilot to sit next to who is willing to talk to you about your fear, you'll have the best flight of your life!

Hve fun!! and let us know how it goes,
Scott

[Debbielevis2]

Red --

Nothin self-indulgent about "needing" once in a while. Hey, when I fly, it's all about ME!! And normally, I'm the most giving, take-a-back-seat person in the world.

But when I'M boarding a plane, the little children looking for wings, the infirm and elderly better get the hell outta my way, 'cause I'm coming through, and it's about ME now!

No, Red, you're not pushing, being pesky, or any other self-indulgent thing. You're doing what you NEED to do to fly. That makes it all okay.

Of course the jitters are here for you. You would never have posted on this board to begin with if you didn't have an issue. We ALL have issues with you.

Therefore, we're ALL flying with you today/tonight!! And, dammit, because I AM that selfish, we're gonna have a great flight!

Enjoy, and when you're not yakking at the person next to you, take out your pen and a notebook and take some in-flight notes. Great for obliterating the anxiety - I promise!

Go-o-o-o-lo Red!!:medplane WHEEEE!!!!

Debbie

[noflyingfan]

Yeah, definitely not self-indulgent. The squeaky wheel gets the grease, right, because the squeaky wheel is the wheel that needs it!

[beaugest]

I'm also voting no on self indulgent.:nono
I don't think that there's not a soul out there that doesn't have an issue that is difficult for them. The important thing is that you're working on it. To me, self indulgent is wallowing in something(which we all do at some time and sometimes enjoy...I can wallow with the best of them). Working on an issue? That takes time, courage and patience.
And for you to get the positive responses where people are reaching out to you as they are you must be doing something right!!! Monica

[dropdeadred]

Thanks, everyone, I appreciate it.

And you're right Debbie - sometimes I forget that it's all about me. ;)

I'm just more keyed up about this flight than I was my jaunt to NYC back in May, and wonder if that's some kind of 'sign' or something silly like that.

But then I remind myself that, since that last flight, I've been laid off and my father passed away. Methinks that has more to do with my stress than the universe trying to send me signals. :rolleyes

Thanks again for letting me ramble...

Red

[xiknal]

You're about to head out to the airport, and I am hoping that once you are on your way--even just getting out the door--the waiting will be over and the journey will have begun.

I agree with everyone else here that you are not being self-indulgent. You are taking care of yourself in ways you have found that really help you fly more comfortably.

I agree with Deb's suggestion about taking notes. Journaling activates an observer in us that can give us a spot o' distance from the feelings and also some objectivity. And you'll have some notes to share with us when you get home...which you will! :nod

I used to have that thing about the universe sending me signals too. I was wrong, just as I was wrong about so many of the things I used to think about flying. It has been such a relief to let them go. You are very likely right in your identification of the sources of your stress. It has nothing to do with the plane and everything to do with your brain. Our beleaguered brains are just trying to protect us, that's all...but like that directional thingie on the instrument panel that has to be set to the magnetic compass, sometimes our brains don't quite know where north is. This board is about finding that emotional compass.

Have a peaceful and reassuring flight and get ready to build on it. Don't forget to take notes...maybe during takeoff? :macho

Barb

[LesliePHX]

Hey, Red,

I understand what you're feeling. Although I've given myself permission to be incredibly indulgent with myself when I fly (I always fork over the $$ for upgrades when the kiosk offers them, and I recently bought a membership in United's Red Carpet Club), we can be bothered by the idea that we're putting others out when we ask to meet the captain.

But having done the ritual so often, and having met so many captains who seemed actually happy to meet one of their "pax," I'm pretty convinced that we're not inconveniencing them in any way. Believe me, if I really thought I were, I would not do it.

I used to make a fairly big production of it, using the SOAR letter of introduction and presenting it to the gate agent, but nowadays I just ask the flight attendant when I board, "May I say hi to the captain?" More often than not, they just say, "Sure, go right in" or poke their head into the cockpit to check and then send me in. Sometimes they're more curious, and I explain, "It helps me fly better." But it really doesn't become a big deal to anybody. That tells me I'm not being a "high-maintenance" passenger ... which, like you, I'd NEVER want to be.

In fact, one flight attendant even thanked me for making that request! She came up to me as I was stowing my bag and said, "I just want to thank you for doing that. We fly all the time and we forget that our passengers don't. We need to be reminded." How about THAT! Not only didn't I inconvenience them, I provided a dang service! (Need a pat-self-on-back smiley.)

So while I understand your feelings, I think you're worrying needlessly about it. You're not some high-maintenance passenger making unreasonable demands.

Leslie

[Passenger Mark]

FIRST...

Debbie wrote...

But when I'M boarding a plane, the little children looking for wings, the infirm and elderly better get the hell outta my way, 'cause I'm coming through, and it's about ME now!

I am laughing so hard that I about.... never mind....

:rotflmao :rotflmao :rolling :rolling :rotflmao :rotflmao

Debbie, you crack me up! I trust that when you board the plane that your IF is right behind you!

Ok... now that I cleared my eyes from laughing so hard....

Red...

There is nothing to be ashamed of! In fact, I will talk to anyone who will listen to me. If they offered me the jump seat in the cockpit... I would take it!

Whatever it takes to make the experience a bit more pleasent.. you take it! And... you deserve it!

Hey, compared to half the yahoos I see that the airline industry has to put up with... we Fearful Flyers are nothing!

Have a great trip!

Mark

[dropdeadred]

Well, I'm safely ensconced in the lovely County of Orange. Everything went just fine and my new best friends, Charlie and Steve, welcomed me into the cockpit very warmly. In fact, after a while I was the one who decided it was probably time to sit down since I'm guessing that had pilot stuff to do. ;)

I can't say I'm looking forward to that freaky fast takeoff out of OC next week, but that's five days and three amusement parks away. I'll worry about that later. :D

Thanks again so much for all the support and encouragement!

Red

[Bronze Elephant]

I would say not. We had one passenger who complained the she was scared she got the full soft soap eased into a trilander (17 seat three engined) not the best tool for the job but that is what we operated on that route. She got a good pilot a great flight. The next day we got a ten page letter of complaint which was pinned to the board. The interesting thing about this barely sane diatribe was the flight, you know the bit she was suposed to be bricking herself about, made two lines. TWO LINES. The rest was that we should fly planes that passengers want....... no one understood her and she was REALLY misunderstood as a child. You my friend are a walk in the park.

As for pilot stalking start looking at the overwing seats right next to the removable window.

[Passenger Mark]

Good going!!!

Glad you had a nice flight, and good friends in the cockpit!

Welcome to Southern California!

And do not worry about that take-off from John Wayne... it is not as bad as everyone makes it out to be.

Actually... It can be kind-of fun!

Have fun at the amusement parks!

Mark

[xiknal]

Red, just think of that takeoff as another amusement park ride, and enjoy! :woohoo

Barb

[WillFlyToDisney2]

Ah Royd,

You gave away my other tip for guaranteeing a seat next to a deadheading pilot - the EXIT ROW! LOL I actually had 2 pilots deadheading on my last flight today - 1 ended up in the jumpseat and 1 in the exit row. Darn my luck I was stuck back in row 11 and couldnt move to the exit row like I usually do.

Kelley

[Passenger Mark]

Maybe we should start a section over on the website with all these nifty travel secrets... hmmmm... but then they would not be secrets! :shocked