CANOGA is in the photo album

[canoga]

Make sure you are sitting down before viewing my ugly mug. I added a pix of myself and my girls from this past 4th of July in the members section.

There is also a pix of my girls in the family and pets section.

I don't have any pix of Mike (DH) scanned so you guys will just have to use your imagination!

Beth

[Passenger Mark]

Beth,

They look great!

Thanks!

Mark

[JPenny]

BEAUTIFUL girls, I must say! Thanks for adding the pictures.

Jean :wave

[spiffyone]

Beth, can you recap for us the story of how those cuties came into your life? I imagine a lot of flying was involved.

Just curious...they're beautiful kids.:hamster

[canoga]

Spiff,

I would ADORE recapping my journey to my miracles.

Mike and I have no idea if we can have bio children or not. A friend of ours adopted from China and when we first looked into those deep, dark eyes, we spontaneously knew this was our path in life.

I won't bore you with the paperwork hassles involved. Mike is from Los Angeles, I am from southern Indiana, we got married in northern Indiana while living in central Iowa, we currently live in northern Ohio and we were adopting from China. Needless to say, we were dealing with a whole slew of city, county, federal and international regulations. Ordering certified birth certificates, marriage license, police checks from all residences from the past 15 years........it was a giant pain the the patootie.

Anyway, on February 15th, 1999, I got a call at my office telling me I had been assigned a beautiful 9 month old girl from Yichun, Jiangxi. Twenty-four hours later, FedEx delivered a package containing a passport sized, black and white photo of her. I cherished that photo and carried it everywhere with me for the next 2 months until I boarded the plane to China. I only have two photos of my oldest daughter before the age of 11 months.

Believe it or not, the first two legs of this journey took place BEFORE my fear of flying kicked in. So, I hopped on the plane from Cleveland to LAX filled with excitement. I didn't even mind the 12 hr layover I had at LAX before my 14 hr, 40 minute flight from Los Angeles to Guangzhou, China. Mike and I slept soundly for 7 of the 14 1/2 hrs to China. We awakened just as the sun was rising over the horizon. And while sipping a cup of orange bIossom tea, I got my first glimpse of my daughter's homeland. If I ever needed proof of something 'bigger' than myself, that was it.

We landed no prob, had another 8 hr layover until our final flight (third of 3 legs) to my daughter's birth-province. Somewhere between landing in Guangzhou and boarding the flight to Jiangxi, it hit me - I was going to be a mom. In the deep recesses of my brain, terror gripped me. I had always loved flying - spent 7 months in Alaska flying all around in 2 seater, single engine bush planes with no fear. None whatsoever. I even thought turbulence was exciting. Suddenly, as I boarded that flight, I was sure I was going to die. It didn't help matters any that this aircraft was obviously very old. It still had the old orange interior of the 70s and, I kid you not, duct tape was all over the interior holding luggage doors shut and mending tears in the seats. I have never been so close to running away from anything in my life. I took one final look at my daughter's picture and knew that, whatever my fear was, she deserved a mommy and a daddy.

I don't have any proof of this but I don't think Chinese pilots are as concerned about pax comfort as their US colleagues. It is more of a fastest-route-from-point-A-to-point-B-****ed-be-the-turbulence approach. Plus, pollution is absolutely terrible over there and I think that has something to do with the bumps. Anyway, that 1hr flight was terrifying. I don't remember much except I was incredibly nauseous (from fear) and the FAs served some strawberry smelling cakes. When the other pax opened them up, the smell of artificial strawberry filled the cabin and I had to put my head down to keep from vomiting. I was jet-lagged, weak, fatigued, nauseous, terrified and absolutely miserable. My only consolation was that I could look forward to one night in a 5-star hotel to get myself together before they presented me with my baby. Or so I thought.

I was never so glad to touch down in my life. The airport in Nanchang, Jiangxi was little more than a hangar with a conveyor belt for luggage. It was an old, military hangar that was converted into an airport. After getting my luggage, I got my first glimpse of rural China. It was like I had landed in another era. The houses were basically lean-tos and since it was dinner time, everyone was cooking their meals on massive woks hung over an open flame. Rice fields and water buffalo were everywhere. It was beautiful and peaceful and again, I felt like I was living in a miracle. Even through the anxiety I knew that moment would stay with me forever.

After everyone boarded our bus for the ride into town, our facilitator announced he had a surprise for us. Our babies were waiting at the hotel. The panic in me raised to another level. I had been traveling for 36 hours, still wearing the same clothes I had put on two days earlier, hadn't eaten anything but a bowl of rice and some tea since Los Angeles, still very shaken up by the flight, in a strange land where I couldn't speak the language let alone recognize any letters, homesick, scared, unsure of what I had gotten myself into and feeling completely unable to think rationally - let alone care for a baby. The rest of the 1hr ride was a blur.

We stayed in Nanchang for 7 days and then I had to face that horrible flight back to Guangzhou (only this time, with a baby in my lap). I was a wreck. It was more of the same from the first flight - Linds did great. She slept all the way. We stayed in Guangzhou for 5 days then had a 12.5 hr flight back to LAX (and then a 5 hr flight back to Cleveland). I landed back in Cleveland without having slept for 37 hrs.

I look at Lindsay everyday and thank God she was patient enough with me to let me learn how to be a mom while freaking out in China. I was such a moron. All of my preparation was intellectual. I completely forgot about the part where I was responsible for another human being. Cute outfits? Check. Adequate diaper supply? Check. Toys, books, blankets? Check. Adorable nursery back home? Check. Emotionally prepared to become a mom. Sorry - must have missed that one. What a buffoon! LOL

It is quite obvious what started my fear of flying. It was the realization I was going to become a mom. A lot of people have a fear from a bad flight - mine was an emotional reaction imprinted on my brain and associated with being in an aircraft.

I know this is long and I apologize. I have another story from my other daughter's adoption where I was even more terrified of flying (and involves actually barfing on the plane). But I won't assume anyone wants me to used bandwidth to share it. I would be glad to share but only if you guys want to hear it.

I hope you guys know that this journey was filled with joy and awe. I have highlighted the 'bad' parts that deal with fear of flying (and the reason behind it). I am thankful every day that I am lucky enough to be mom to these two treasures. I guess it is like labor. Nobody really enjoys it but the end result is more than worth it.


Beth

[Disney fan]

Of course we want to hear the rest of the story! They are really lovely little girls!!

Lynda

[xiknal]

...what an amazing story. I would love to hear the next one.

The FoF really makes sense--not that it's a sensible thing in itself, but the dynamics of how it snapped into place for you really sprang into focus in your story. Everything was so amazing and so precarious at the same time...and here's this beat-up old plane and an awful flight and a state of great emotional load for you and the realization that you are now responsible for a precious young life in addition to your own...bingo. Makes perfect sense...

Thanks. And the pics of all of you are wonderful!! What a trooper and hero you are. And...MOM!!! :thumbsup

[ChiefAtHeart]

I agree...I'd love to hear the second part of the story.

[JPenny]

Beth,

I have several friends who have adopted children from all over the world: China, South America, Russia, and more. It is a magical story, and I'm always totally intrigued. How you sacrifice and go to rescue a helpless child with no future, and give her YOUR future, make her an heir to your love and belongings. Amazing. Write on.

Jean

[beaugest]

Beth, what a great story. :tiphat You have to tell us the rest!!! What lucky kids and lucky parents...

[spiffyone]

Beth, it was great to hear all the details. How far apart in age are your girls?

I know what you mean about having another life to worry about. I was always a little bit of a worrier, but now that I am engaged and planning a life together with my fiance, I'm a basketcase. I feel I have so much more to lose.

I'm curious (partly because I'm thinking ahead and remember my family's long history of fertility problems, plus my own near-geriatric age)...how long did all the paperwork stuff take you? Like, from the time you started to the time you got on the plane? And did you have to stay over there a while? I have heard that from other friends who have adopted.

Sorry to pick your brain about all this - I remembered you mentioning it before and wanted to ask you then.

spiff-a-roo

[canoga]

Jean - Thanks for the compliment but I will let you in on a little secret. Adoption is one of the most selfish things I have ever done. I get SO MUCH in return. My girls bring me joy, pride, comfort, strength, courage.....I could never equal that in return. These kids are the true heroes of the story. They face more in the first months of their lives than I will ever face. I'm in awe of every single one of them.

Spiff - NO PROBLEM picking my brain. In fact, you may need to ask me to shut up. There is nothing I like more than talking about my girls.

The short answer on length of time - it depends. It simply depends on how many people are 'in line' before you.

The Chinese adoption process can be broken down into three parts.

1) Paperchase
The first step is applying to a US adoption agency. If down the road you need to choose one, I will recommend mine without the slightest bit of hesitation. They are, quite simply, the best. China thinks so as well and are always very pleased to work with them.

Once the agency approves you, the icky part begins. I call it icky because you run around like a chicken with it's head cut off for a few months. It is not hard, just involved. You have to fulfill, basically, three sets of requirements. 1) Your county/state of residence 2) US requirements and 3) China requirements.

The most involved piece is having a Home Study done. This involves a social worker coming into your home (I believe the requirement now is 4 different times) and 'verifying' you are fit to be a parent. The forms are pretty standard - income level (you just have to be above US poverty lines), medical exam, local fingerprinting clearance, fire inspection of your home, some photographs of you, your husband, your home...sometimes you have to attend a parenting class - the exact requirements vary from state to state.

Another piece is the US requirements. You need an approved document (called I-171H) that allows you to bring a foreign child into the US. You apply for this right after you sign a contract with your adoption agency (using document I-600A), get fingerprinted and cleared by the FBI and the INS (or BCIS as it is now called) issues you the I-171H. This usually takes the longest time. But the good news is that you can apply for it, work on your Home Study and by the time you are finished with that, your I-171H comes. In other words, you can do these two pieces simultaneously.

The China requirements are the easiest. They basically just want the Chinese consulate representing your region (you would probably work with the one in NYC) to put their 'seal of approval' on all of the requirements needed by your state and the US. Since the above two pieces must be finished, this is the last step. The only catch here is that the Chinese consolate can't approve them without the state seal and the state can't approve them without the clerk of courts (county level) seal. So, each document that goes in your dossier (the group of documents that is sent over to China which helps them assign a child to you) must be sealed/certified by your clerk of courts, your state and then your Chinese consulate. Some states require an extra step and it can get confusing if you are born in one state, married in another and reside in another. Mike and I worked with CA, IN and OH and had to work with two different Chinese consulates to deal with the different states.

2) The Waiting Game
Once you jump through these hoops the waiting begins. I would estimate the above process from app to the agency to being issued the I-171H to take 5-7 months. Once all of these are complete, you send your dossier to your agency for them to give it the once over and to translate it all into Chinese. My agency guarantees this will take under two weeks. Your agency will FedEx your dossier to Beijing where it is logged in. At this point, you take a number and wait.

Referrals (assignments of children) are generally processed by the month of a person's dossier being logged in in China. China tries to process 1-2 months of log in dates per month. For example, if you have your dossier logged into China in January of 2005 and China is sending out referrals for those dossiers logged in in June 2004 at that time, you would expect about a 6-9 month wait until China processes January 05's dossiers (depending on how many months they get through per month). Referrals usually come out once a month and you can kind of estimate what month you will be assigned a child. I know this is confusing and this is the portion of the process where you have the least amount of control. When you are paperchasing, you can speed up or slow down to your liking. But once your dossier is logged into China, you are at the mercy of the CCAA (Chinese Center for Adoption Affairs). With Lindsay, we only waited 7 months until our referral. With Mackenzie, we waited 14 months. This was a direct result of simply more people being in the queue before us when our dossier was sent over for Mackenzie.

3) Referral and Travel
Once you get your referral, it takes about 6-8 weeks for China and the US to coordinate their schedules to issue you visas into the country and for our consulate to issue a US visa to your new child. I traveled 8 weeks after referral for both of my girls. Once in China you spend, roughly, 1 week in your child's birth province to process/finalize the adoption and get your child a Chinese passport. When that is accomplished, you fly to Guangzhou (formerly Canton) to obtain your child's US visa so that they may enter back into the US with you. The stay in Guangzhou is usually 3-5 days.

One parent must travel to China and in order for the US to recognize the foreign adoption as valid, BOTH parents must go. If you choose a good US agency to represent you, you are hand-held the whole time while in China. Also, you travel with a group of other adoptive parents using your agency who were assigned children in the same batch of referrals as you. The entire process in China is actually quite easy and very structured (again, only if you choose a good agency) and, dare I say, pretty fun.

The flights are brutal. My agency does all of the travel arrangements and has all of the adoptive parents meet up in LAX to fly over as a group. They also book your in-China flights and hotel stays (4 star minimum). You either fly into Guangzhou or Hong Kong and then fly directly to your child's province. Oh, I forgot to add. The children in your travel group will all be from the same orphanage or orphanages from a nearby city. In other words, you don't meet up with your travel group in LAX, fly to Guangzhou then never see them again. You travel as a 'cocoon' of sorts all around China together. You become a little family all your own since all of your children are from the same area.

I know this may confuse more than it helps. PLEASE ask me any question you might have. I would be more than happy to answer them. I gave a very generic, very rough explanation of the process. It sounds more confusing than it really is. Hey, I've done it twice and will start the paperwork for #3 next year. It can't be too bad.

Beth

P.S. Lindsay was born in May of '98 and we met her in April of '99. Mackenzie was born in August of '02 and we met her in April of '03.

[canoga]

I will carve out some time tomorrow to write about the flights then. The process was pretty much the same but I was terrified at a level I never thought possible on these flights. Oh, and don't forget the barfing.
:barf

[spiffyone]

Thanks!

Hey - but at least we have the PERFECT smiley to decorate your post about the barfing.

:hamster

[canoga]

Never underestimate the power of a barfing smiley.