Flying in 4 days and totally out of control

[sillything]

Hi, I am flying with my young family in 4 days for a family vacation and I am spinning totally out of control. I have flown all over the world and although I don't like flying it has never stopped me going anywhere. I experienced a very bad turbulant flight lasting about 1 hour last year and I was terrified. I ended up throwing up once I got off the plane and now I am so scared to get back on one, especially with my young children. I have been to the doctors and she has given me some pills to take to calm me down or knock me out (hopefully) but I don't want to put this fear into my children. My husband is very supportive but I haven't told him how it is consuming my every waking moment. It is the last thing I think about at night and the first thing that pops into my head in the morning. I am most scared of turbulance and can't get the images of a plane crashing out of my head. I actually feel sick to the stomach every day. Help.:cry:

[NAustin]

Hello sillything!

Welcome! I too am new to this group but have found the large number of informative threads and great advice from this groups more experienced members to be VERY helpful. You are not alone in your fear. The key, I believe, is to try to get in touch with just how irrational those fears are. I am sure you will find this site as helpful as I have!

[sillything]

quiet time this afternoon and read through some threads. I know my fears are totally irrational but I just can't seem to stop them. I have been advised to take one of the pills tonight to see how they affect me and I guess I will feel much better if they knock me out although part of me wants so desperately wants to see my children enjoy the flight and share their excitement.

[Dachiri]

Hi there, sillything! What a good name, since fear of flying really is such a silly thing. But we all understand how un-silly it seems when you're really in the thick of it. Like you, I had a very turbulent flight several years ago, and, at the time, decided flying just wasn't for me. I made many false starts on getting back to flying and finally did it, 6 years after the fact. It's good that you didn't have a long time sitting on the ground thinking about how bad flying is, because, IMHO, that time just seems to make the ordeal seem BIGGER than it is.

You'll find lots of useful threads about turbulence around here. Many tricks to snap your brain out of irrational thoughts and good, sound information on how the turbulence you feel is not hurting the plane. Some of the helpful tricks on the board include picturing the plane as an orange in a bowl of jello and using a water glass to see that the turbulence really isn't that bad. With the jello trick, it reminds you that the plane is suspended in a sound environment (at the speed that planes travel at, air becomes very supportive), and while it wiggles and jiggles, it doesn't fall down. Placing a water glass on your tray table helps to put the turbulence in perspective. While it feels terrible, 99.9% of the time no water is going to slosh out of that glass, because you're truly not bouncing around that much! If you tried that game in a car...well, let's just hope you have a change of clothes handy!

Given my lack of experience with turbulence at the time that I had my reallyscaryflight and the blind fear that ensued, I can't tell you whether or not I've experienced turb that bad since then. I can tell you that I've experienced some healthy turbulence since I started flying again. I'm still here typing about it, with no harm except to my nerves the first few times. Now, turb will wake me up from a nap, but I'll go right back to sleep.

I also notice now that pilots are super-cautious with the seatbelt sign, it seems. On my most recent set of flights, the pilot seated the flight attendants early for a "bumpy descent," and we had nary a wobble on our way down. On the return flight, we had some bumps here and there throughout, but the seatbelt sign was on way more than the level and frequency of turb seemed to call for. I say this because my first few times after resuming flying, I would freak out at the seatbelt sign, and double if the flight attendants were seated. So, even those aren't signs of anything major coming, just caution so no one gets any bruises or bumps if we hit a pothole that might cause them to lose their balance.

[sillything]

you that have replied. I am about to start packing for the family which I am surprisingly quite excited about. I have been checking the weather reports for Saturday and they don't look that good so that is freaking me out a bit. I am hoping after taking the "pill" tonight for a trial run to see how it affects me will make me feel more relaxed about getting. If I know that it will make me very sleepy and relaxed hopefully I will be. I had a bit of a cry before because it just all got too much and I was secretly hoping I might come down with Swine Flu and we wouldn't be able to go - stupid I know and I would really be upset if that did happen!! I will keep reading on here for reassurance and do some breathing exercises to calm me down.

[Barb-SAN]

I have been advised to take one of the pills tonight to see how they affect me and I guess I will feel much better if they knock me out although part of me wants so desperately wants to see my children enjoy the flight and share their excitement.
Good that you are trying one of the pills ahead of time, per your Dr's advice. The idea is NOT to be "knocked out" during your flight (it's not SURGERY!), but rather to just "take the edge off", and still be aware and functioning. Remember that in the extremely unlikely event of an emergency, you will need to be able to follow the FA's instructions to evacuate the plane, AND take care of your children. The airlines can also deny you boarding in the first place, if you are, ahem, comatose.

Just curious, after the turbulent flight last year, did you throw up because you were motion sick, or because you were scared? There are medications for motion sickness, though most flights aren't very turbulent, in my experience, anyway. I always bring along a bag of gingersnap cookies and candied ginger...eating those seems to help me with any queasyness (I too am subject to motion sickness). Last year I went on a short boat trip out in the ocean a few miles from shore, and they had a big bowl of gingersnap cookies for the passengers. :D

[sillything]

I'm just hoping the pills make me a bit sleepy but not completely knock me out (I'm still a woman and would hate to miss out on anything - lol). I have been looking at the long range forecast and it doesn't look good for Saturday so I am a bit worried about that too. I just can't get over how it seems to be consuming me this time though. I have always been a bit nervous but nothing like this. I thought maybe it was down to all the stuff about Swine Flu - just another thing to worry about maybe and its all combining to make me nervous. My husband flies back from Christchurch this evening and it is snowing lightly here. He is in a small plane and I have rung him twice already asking what was the flight like etc. He is very diplomatic of course and said he wouldn't tell me even if the flight was bad. I could kick myself really, I know I like to be in control but this is really stupid.:sigh:

[Barb-SAN]

My husband flies back from Christchurch this evening and it is snowing lightly here.Oh, you are in New Zealand, and it is winter there?Where are you flying for your trip?

[sillything]

It is only a 4 hour trip so not too bad I guess. About to take my pill to see what happens. I have told the kids to expect me to be a lot calmer in the next hour or so - lol! Heres hoping anyway. I know my husband is going to have a rough trip back tonight in the small plane. I wish I could be calm like him. I don't think I would get on it! I have noticed that I seem to talk about my fear to people which isn't helping. They all seem to have a horror story to tell about flying. I am really going to try and "suck it in" now and just try and talk myself around that everything is going to be fine. It helps talking on here and knowing that I'm not the only one.

[Barb-SAN]

I have noticed that I seem to talk about my fear to people which isn't helping. They all seem to have a horror story to tell about flying.


I assume you mean talking to people in person where you live? Perhaps it would help to preface your discussion with a request for only positive stories and reassurance from them? If they don't have something positive to tell you...then save their story for later, after your trip. Or do they also have a fear of flying, which they haven't overcome?

When I was trying to get "ungrounded" 5 years ago, I found some people totally didn't "get it" and dismissed my concerns, since THEY weren't afraid. The more helpful friends were encouraging, and reminded me to use my "anti-anxiety tools", and that I would be just fine. :D Have you been over to www.anxieties.com (http://www.anxieties.com) yet?

[sillything]

pilot! I said to someone today maybe I need to do a sky jump or something out of a plane to get over my fears - I'll think about that one. I have had a quick look over at the anxiety page etc. It makes good reading. I'm really glad I found this site because it has helped me a bit. I have taken my pill and actually do feel a lot calmer. Haven't shouted at the kids for at least 20 minutes:D. My brother who is a pharmacist suggested I take another one (Dr said to take 2 as they aren't very strong) just to see what happens. He said I could just take the one before the flight and if I get anxious on it take another one. I'm actually feeling a lot more positive now. My husband has landed from his flight and all ok so that is great. What sort of planes are you going to fly?? Not small ones. I have only been on a small plane once, flying from England to Ireland. It was my first experience at a propellor plane and you could almost touch the pilot, not a good experience for me.

[Barb-SAN]

I have taken my pill and actually do feel a lot calmer. Haven't shouted at the kids for at least 20 minutes:D.
:D Didn't they used to call those pills "mother's little helper" back in the 50's?

My brother who is a pharmacist suggested I take another one (Dr said to take 2 as they aren't very strong) just to see what happens. He said I could just take the one before the flight and if I get anxious on it take another one. Highly recommend learning a few tricks from anxieties.com as well so you aren't just relying on a pill. Progressive muscle relaxation and breathing work well for me, there's also distraction (bring along magazines with lots of pictures, e.g.). You've still got a couple days to experiment with anti-anxiety "tools" before your trip.

What sort of planes are you going to fly?? Not small ones. I have only been on a small plane once, flying from England to Ireland. It was my first experience at a propellor plane and you could almost touch the pilot, not a good experience for me.

The plane I took my lessons in has 4 seats, (Cessna 172SP), but there was just me and the pilot in the plane. It's pretty cozy up there in the cockpit ;). Here's a link to some photos of it on www.jetphotos.net (http://www.jetphotos.net) http://www.jetphotos.net/showphotos.php?aircraft=Cessna+172&airline=-2&country=-2&photog=-2&category=-2&year=-2&keywordrange=all&keywordlimiter=2&keywords=&sort=1&genre=1&size=-2&mainsearch=search&displaymode=1&display=15

Another member here, Aerobat Barb, is a flight instructor for aerobatic flying (in a 2-seat Cessna). One of the benefits of taking a lesson or two is that you can be in control of the plane (with the instructor right there on the dual controls). It really helped me a LOT to understand what happens in turbulence (though I only flew in mild turbulence, it still helped).

[sillything]

near one of those small planes. I feel very relaxed now. Don't even feel like shouting at my husband when he gets home - lol. Isn't it terrible to feel this way about something. I am amazed at how many on here feel the same. It would never stop me going any where but I am so glad when we touch down. I remember on a flight in Egypt, which was scarey in itself, they all prayed the whole flight. Did nothing to reassure me, he he he. One question I do have is why doesn't the pilot climb out of turbulence or is it not that simple. I'm scared because I have visions of the pilot in the front scrambling to hold onto the controls etc which is why you rock from side to side. I guess this isn't right?

[Ian]

Hey Sillything.

First of all, I'm jealous. I love Brisbane! Used to go there every summer and I have some fond memories of that place. Hope you guys have a great time :)

Ok you know that your fear is irrational, so please stop beating yourself up over it!

A couple of things:


1. Structural Integrity

Did you know that Boeing once tested one of their planes to see how much they could bend its wings? They managed to bend them over 20 feet before the wings broke. Planes are built to withstand far more stress than you'd ever experience in any flight.

Now I can just hear your thoughts - "but what if it does experience that much stress during my flight?"

That's like if we were talking about driving four wheel drives in the city, and I said they're built to withstand serious offroad terrain, so driving them around the city is no big deal... and you said "but what if you drove one off a 100ft cliff? Wouldn't it break then?"

Correct! Yes it would :D

But we're still talking about a gentle drive through the city. And a gentle flight to Brisbane :)


2. Visualisation

Since you like to be in control, and IF you experience turbulence on Saturday, one thing that you can do is visualise being at the wheel of your car, driving over a dirt road.

So the road's bumpy. So what! And even if it's raining, even if the wind's howling, whatever! Turn your windshield wipers on and listen to some music :)

And I'm guessing, like a pilot during turbulence, you wouldn't be scrambling to hold onto the controls, either!

[sillything]

going to try a few of the things suggested on here - including BREATHING!!! I was a bit disappointed last night because I took two of the prescription pills and didn't think I felt any different. But, this morning, wow I am back to my totally irrational self obsessing about the flight etc etc so they must have calmed me down heaps (which makes me feel much better). My husband even said "take a happy pill". Hmm. He will be left with all 3 kids on the flight so that is punishment enough:lol:. I am trying to think positive thoughts as soon as a negative ones pops into my head and I have been visulising the car bumps when I'm driving (luckily our roads are crap in the country) and saying to myself that is all turbulence is.

[Barb-SAN]

I have been visulising the car bumps when I'm driving (luckily our roads are crap in the country) and saying to myself that is all turbulence is.You could try out the "turbometer" in your car, and then again on the plane, and compare the two. "Turbometer" being a plastic drinking cup like they use to serve beverages on the plane. Fill it half full of water, and put it on your tray table, and see how much the water moves, if it spills out of the cup, etc. I'm willing to bet that the turbulence on the plane will be far less than what you experience on rough country roads.