Driving home...

[Zia]

Well, I am in Florida and I've decided to drive home. I just got finished with a horrible hours-long panic attack, so I decided that it would be better to try another time.

I flew down to Florida and I did a lot of work preparing for it. I went to the airport a lot in the three weeks before my flight. This really helped me. I also watched a lot of takeoff videos. This helped too. On the day before the flight and day of, I was hardly anxious at all. I felt ready.

The flight started off well. The takeoff videos really desensitized me, so that ended up being the easiest part of the flight. The trouble started when we hit turbulence. I was undone. After we landed, I had a panic attack, thinking of the flight back.

Now, 9 days later, I am panicking again (the flight is tomorrow). I just decided that in order not to make things too bad, I will drive home and plan a shorter flight (one-way) to a nearby city. I might have to do this once a week for a couple months. I think I may have the worst case of fear of flying that anyone has ever had. There might be someone with a worse case, but that person would never even make the attempt. I would not make the attempt either, if my whole future life and happiness didn't depend on it.

I feel almost that I am cursed.

Anyway, I wanted to confess all here. I am attempting to celebrate the fact that I flew down here, although it is a familiar pattern - getting somewhere, but not being able to get back.

[Barb-SAN]

Hi Zia,
I'm really sorry to hear that you are having panic attacks in anticipation of your flight tomorrow, to the point that you've decided to drive home. That's a LONG drive, from Florida to Minnesota. :cry:.

I hope you will focus on the success that you had on your flight to Florida, and that you DID find a number of tools that worked for you to diminish your anticipatory anxiety in the days before that flight. So, that can give you some confidence in those tools, and that you are on the right track. Expecting "perfection" in getting over FoF on one flight may not be realistic though. It may happen that way for some people, but not for all of us. Some of us have to work harder, and longer, and try many different approaches.

O.K., so, you were "undone by turbulence". A lot of us have, or have had, trouble with turbulence, so now you know that you have a specific area of flying that you need to target, and work on that. I found this article about turbulence in the free SOAR library. Perhaps you will find it of use in understanding why turbulence can be unnerving, and there are some coping suggestions. http://www.fearofflying.com/wordpress/?page_id=136

Next time you fly, take along pen and paper. When in turbulence, write down as quickly as it happens, the ups and downs of turbulence. If you can, try to indicate the intensity of each up and each down, perhaps by the size of the word or by some exclamation marks. The aim is this: if you can move into experiencing turbulence as if you were a scientist studying some interesting phenomena, you actually will be able to create a turbulence chunk to store in your mind.

We've also talked here on the forum about setting up your own "turbulence meter", a half-filled cup of water. Observe how much the water moves in the cup. I have yet to be in turbulence where the water sloshes out of the cup.

The most important thing to remember about turbulence is that the plane is built to handle it. You will be safe if you stay in your seat with your seat belt securely buckled (not walking around when the fasten seat belt sign is illuminated).

I've found it helpful to sit in a window seat near the wings (you will feel less motion there than in the back of the plane). I remember being in some moderate turbulence when crossing the Rocky Mts. on a San Diego to Detroit flight. I looked out at the wings, and watched them flex, and thought how they were like giant shock absorbers for the plane. The turbulence only lasted for about 15 minutes, and then we were in smoother air. It may be that you had turbulence crossing the jet stream, considering that it's usually moving west to east, and you were traveling north to south.

Well, if when you wake up tomorrow you decide you still want to drive, I wish you a safe journey. Remember that there are lots of airports along the way too. So, you could possibly fly home from a half-way point, even though a last-minute plane ticket will be more expensive.

Those of us who have been "grounded" for years (including myself from 1992 to 2004) will strongly encourage you to keep flying, and don't let yourself get "grounded". Once you stop flying, it becomes harder and harder to start again. So yes, by all means, short flights every week...and keep learning new anti-anxiety "tools" so that you have a variety of effective ones to use.

The times that I've met the pilots, I've asked if they expect much turbulence on the flight, and said that a warning is always appreciated (helps to time the bathroom breaks). Sometimes they do know ahead of time (not always though), and they do their best to find the altitude where the ride is smoothest.

Hang in there...:hug:

[Barb-SAN]

Here's the turbulence forecast for this morning at a common cruising altitude (36,000 ft). Note that a smooth ride is forecast for most of the way from Florida to Minnesota.

[Barb-SAN]

Note that at 30,000 ft. the area of "moderate" turbulence over Minnesota shown in the 36,000 ft. forecast above changes to "light" or "no" turbulence. The pilots have access to turbulence information, and will do their best to choose an altitude that gives the smoothest ride.

[Barb-SAN]

Zia, I assume you checked the weather forecast before deciding to drive home...but thought I'd put it up here anyway. My thought is that the drive may be more far more challenging than the flight... Good luck, and drive safely!

[Barb-SAN]

Here's the 48 hr. precipitation forecast:

[CAflyer]

You are driving to Minnesota!? Wow. Yeah with the weather lately it is way safer to fly. I know you are scared to get back on that plane but the more you reward your scared mind by not flying the harder it will be able to get back on a plane again. But again I know how horrible it can feel to be scared of flying and there have been many times I wished I could drive. If you drive please be safe!

[Dachiri]

I, too, understand the strong urge not to get on another plane, spending your "vacation" worrying about the flight home, etc. I echo everyone's sentiments that if you drive, be safe!

I just thought I'd share my recent experiences a bit. First, I moved to the city. Then, I learned to fly without too much discomfort. Now, I HATE driving! HATE, HATE, HATE IT! If my family was a little more convenient to an airport, I'd sell my car. I went to visit the fam for the holidays, and got walloped with a nasty storm along the way (freezing rain to pouring rain back to freezing rain). What should have been a 5-ish hour trip turned into a 7 hour trip. My neck and arms were killing me from the tension by the time I got to my mom's.

When I flew down to SC a few weeks ago, we had a bumpy, bumpy flight down. Still, the risk of an accident was nil and the worst thing that happened was my magazine that was precariously stuffed in the seat-back pocket fell out. Drink service continued. The pilots didn't appear freaked out upon landing. All the stuff I learned here helped, but I was still gripping the arm rests at various points. That said, I didn't really think about getting on another plane until the day of, and even then, it only made me a little uncomfortable (fortunately, the flight home was quick and smooth). Sitting here now, the thought of getting on a plane is way less stressful than the thought of driving anywhere (seriously, anywhere, I ventured about 5 miles into the suburbs last week and thought I might have to hurt someone...not to mention getting lost 4 times).

By contrast, a number of my co-workers are a *little* to *moderately* afraid of flying. Nowhere near where most of us are or were. They don't seek out help, don't see it as something they can overcome. You can see the nervousness on their faces before trips. They look a little freaked out and do the cover the ears and sing *la la la* whenever there's a plane accident. Some of them practice avoidance (they won't think about being scared, just suffer through it as soon as the doors close). Even though the fear isn't debilitating, it seems like a silly way to live one's life, especially when your job includes frequent inter-continental travel!

You seem determined to keep going, so I thought I'd share what might await you on the other side if you keep working on it (or most of the way to the other side...if only I could get over take-off and the rest of the way over turb). Now is a good time to take lots of short flights, I just saw a news story yesterday about all the "fire sales" the airlines are having! :thumbsup:

[aerobat]

Hi, Zia,

Speaking as one who was totally grounded for 13 years and who hated flying for 18 years before that, I'll offer that no one could possibly have been as scared as I was.

It certainly felt that way to me, just as it does to you. And bear in mind that I have been an adrenaline junkie and risk-taker all my life, but that was far more adrenaline than even I could handle.
Uh...:confused:...or was it?

It's not so much the quantity of adrenaline as it is the quality. Or put simply: it is fear or it is excitement. The difference is in the perception, the affect, the accompanying images.

In reality, those who experience FoF at a severe level are going to find it impossible to distinguish between 'severe' and 'extreme' (using the turbulence scale here), even as we are able to see that others with less fear are probably in the mild-to-moderate category. There are many, many people in this range, as Dachiri has noted, and they often do not do anything to make it better, but just grin and bear it. But in fact they could make it better.

I have never seen anything to convince me that there are some people so "cursed" that they can never get over this, and I have done a lot of research and have given online support to a lot of people in 15 years.

What is going on with you looks straightforward to me. You have proven to yourself that desensitization works; you said so. The takeoff was no big deal, but the turbulence undid you. The path is clear: get to work on the turbulence and desensitize to it until it no longer looms as such a horrific what-if that the thought of it kicks off a panic attack. You can do this. :thumbsup:

Whatever you decide to do tomorrow (and I hope that at the last minute--with no more anticipation--you'll decide to fly), I applaud your decision to fly weekly on short flights. Flying often while doing committed FoF homework is the straightest path to recovery. You should tackle the turbulence issue with every strategy available, starting with the suggestion made by Barb-SAN. It's vital to realize emotionally that turbulence cannot harm you.

[Kimmar]

I have been as scared as you are, and don't think it can't be beaten, because it can! I had to fly out of a major airport *directly* after a huge crash at that same airport. We were the first flight allowed out, and I had *no* fear of flying support at that time. I seriously thought about driving back to Ottawa from Halifax, and the only thing that stopped me was the fact that I had my sis with me and she wouldn't really appreciate that...LOL

I was absolutely *sick* about it, but white knuckled it anyway. I don't recommend that...

Anyway, I see now that turbulence is the main problem for you, (as it was/is with most of us here.) What exactly do you think may happen if the flight get's *too* turbulent?

It's a good question to ask yourself because therein lies the fear. I finally realized that I thought the plane would simply "fall out of the sky like a model airplane snapping off a string". I thought the plane would literally fall down...Not so, as I was to find out later. I'm going to link you to a thread I started by asking a question about turbulence that has forever changed my view of it, and has made me feel ridiculously safe now when I fly! Please read all of it, (it's long) because it may very well be the key for you too.

http://www.takingflight.us/forums/showthread.php?t=8071&highlight=pilot+air+fluid

And remember, it's not easy to beat this thing, all of us here that have gotten it under control have been as bad as you, but have done it. It's the hardest thing I've ever had to do, and yet I got it done. It's not *impossible* so don't you believe the fear monster when he tells you that. We here are living proof.

Easy? No.
Worthwhile? Hell, yeah!

[AndyR]

Wow, I live in South Florida and the worst part of any road trip is always getting out of the state. It's 5 hours north on I-75 and 10 hours west on I-10. I can totally relate to you though. I remember one year I was vacationing in Puerto Vallarta and had to fly home. I was flying Mexicana from Puerto Vallarta to Mexico City and then on to MIA. The morning of the flight it was raining and foggy. I went to the front desk to ask about renting a car and driving to Mexico City and then I would only have one flight into MIA. I'll never forget the look on the guy's face. He couldn't understand why anyone would choose a 12 hour drive through Mexico instead of an hour flight. And as far as the driving vs. flying debate goes. I'm sure that a gringo like myself driving through Mexico would have been 10x more risky than the short hop via air. As usual, the flight was nothing and I'm here to tell the tale. Good luck and be safe on your road trip. And remember that you are not beaten. :thumbsup:

[StPeteMark]

...I just thought I'd share my recent experiences a bit. First, I moved to the city. Then, I learned to fly without too much discomfort. Now, I HATE driving! HATE, HATE, HATE IT! If my family was a little more convenient to an airport, I'd sell my car. I went to visit the fam for the holidays, and got walloped with a nasty storm along the way (freezing rain to pouring rain back to freezing rain). What should have been a 5-ish hour trip turned into a 7 hour trip. My neck and arms were killing me from the tension by the time I got to my mom's. ... You seem determined to keep going, ... Yes, this is what happens when arrive at a level of comfort about flying. I am another who HATES to drive!!! This past weekend, to avoid 5 hours of driving to Miami, we flew all of 40 minutes. No worries about crazy drivers, accidents of others that back up traffic for 10 miles and delays for hours, accidents that may happen to involve us, rain and slick roads, etc.

You would be driving a great distance, encountering all types of weather, hot to cold, and increasing your risk a 1000-fold.

I hope you deside to fly back...turbulence is just air bumps and NOT dangerous to the plane; just be sure your seatbelt is on. We're all behind you...go for it! :grouphug:
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[Dachiri]

It's not so much the quantity of adrenaline as it is the quality. Or put simply: it is fear or it is excitement. The difference is in the perception, the affect, the accompanying images.

In reality, those who experience FoF at a severe level are going to find it impossible to distinguish between 'severe' and 'extreme' (using the turbulence scale here), even as we are able to see that others with less fear are probably in the mild-to-moderate category. There are many, many people in this range, as Dachiri has noted, and they often do not do anything to make it better, but just grin and bear it. But in fact they could make it better.

And it's sooooo cool that we are all here making it better. While we may have been in some special group that needed the help just to function, the truth is that we are the ones who will come out ahead. There are 5 other people in my office. Of those, all but 1 has at least a slight FOF that I know of. While they are trying to distract themselves with Sudoku or Cosmo, I'll be snoozing for at least half of the 15 hour trip to Hong Kong. Don't get me wrong, I still need to have some kind of distraction for the first 10 minutes of a flight or wake up when we hit some turb, I can now just use the tools I learned here to cope, and move on to another nap or movie. When something distresses them, they come to ME for advice, knowing that I could barely STAND the thought of a plane less than a year ago. YOU CAN DO IT! Most of us have!

[StPeteMark]

More about the weather and driving:

Blizzard whips northern Plains; travel difficult

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20090325/ap_on_re_us/spring_blizzard (http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20090325/ap_on_re_us/spring_blizzard)

" ... Visibility was so poor that the South Dakota Department of Transportation pulled snowplows off the roads. ... Forecasters said travel conditions would gradually improve as the storm moved east Tuesday. Ice brought down trees and power lines in northeastern Minnesota, leaving thousands of people in the dark. ... "


Obviously, we swaying you to go back on the plane. Flying is SO much safer and is over in a few hours, than days.

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[CAflyer]

Andy-

I love Mexicana. They always seem nice and will give you endless alcohol :)

[AndyR]

It's funny, If I fly to Mexico or Costa Rica from Miami, I am served food and cerveza and it's only a 2 1/2 hour flight. If I fly to CA, 5 1/2 hours, nothing but a soda. I understand it's international, but come on.

[CAflyer]

Yeah I flew them back and forth from LAX to Cabo San Lucas which is only 2 hours and they broke out the bar cart and food as soon as we hit the border. They must like to treat you better if you are outside of the US :) By the time we hit bad turbulence going into Cabo I was laughing and having lots of fun with the bumps :) You don't get the little bottles, they actually serve you with the full bottles of the good stuff as if you were in a bar.


So are you flying Zia or driving?

[AndyR]

Yeah Zia, what did you decide?

[Lynda]

Hope you made the flight! Flying home for me is always more challenging than the flight out of UK. For me living on an island and travelling often over to the US driving is not an option so I just have to get on that plane home. The anticipation is always much worse than the flight.

[Getb0rn]

I wonder why some of us can do a flight successful (going to the location) and then freak out about coming home? I'd like to know where those thoughts come from... I too encounter them often.

I always get myself wondering why I don't look back on the fact that I had a successful flight over, the plane was safe/fine, piolts great and use all this information to support the fact that the flight home will be just as successful?

Some how our brains must over ride this information. I always end up thinking if I got here ok then obviously the bad things will happen on the way home. Perhaps our anxiety blends with the saddness of a trip being over, our anxiousness to see our families and because we are so anxious about flying we can't pull the anxieties apart. Perhaps we lump them together and figure it all must be to do with flying...

Hrrrmmm sorry excuse my ponderings, I am just wondering. Because I do always struggle with the home flight sometimes even more than the going flight I often find it harder to settle down on the way home.

Zia what ever you have chosen to do is your decsison. The most important thing you have to focus on is that you flew, and you were safe and ok! Congratulations this is an execellent accomplishment! Let us know how you went and what you decided!

Remember that if you decided not to fly it's not failure just a minor set back. Which you can use and build on to over come this fear!

[aerobat]

We've had discussions in other threads about this return-flight issue. Getb0rn, you have put your finger on one of the reasons, and one that used to really get to me also, when I was scared of flying but still doing it: if the danger I had fretted over didn't show up on the outbound flight, then it surely would arise as I flew home. The other issue often mentioned is that before the trip, we tend to put a lot of effort into preparation. But during the vacation or business trip, we are too busy to do the same, and perhaps we try too much to coast on our outbound comfort. Then we're not as well-prepared.

I expect that this will fade with increasing overall success, because less preparation will be needed, and you will be better able to dismiss those thoughts about guaranteed danger waiting to pounce. It takes practice, and the more frequently one can fly during the first six months of the recovery path, the faster the new, positive expectations will become habit.

[StPeteMark]

...I expect that this will fade with increasing overall success, because less preparation will be needed, and you will be better able to dismiss those thoughts about guaranteed danger waiting to pounce. It takes practice, and the more frequently one can fly during the first six months of the recovery path, the faster the new, positive expectations will become habit.Repetition is one of the best tools for overcoming most fears and phobias. It definitely worked for me. I try to not let more than two months go by without flying. My only worry now is getting back to the airport on time...traffic jams, flat tires, accidents, etc. ... nothing to do with flying which I now love!
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[Getb0rn]

areobat - I think it's true the more you fly the more desensitised you become to the whole situation and flying home is just as easy as getting there. Hopefully one day everyone on this forum will reach that point! :):)

I think my problem is my anxiety to get home to my family and my dog. I get all anxious that i won't get home to see them and ta da! It triggers all those awful thoughts.

I'm working with my psych on this method called inner parenting and inner child. The person that holds all our anxious/frightend energy is the inner child that's who runs away with our thoughts because they don't have the capacity for logical reasonsing. This is what happens to me when I fly, so my pysch is helping me unlock the power of the inner parent who calms the inner child and reminds him/her of the logic of the situation. Pretty much she is teaching me self talk. Turns out what I do with my STOP thought method was pretty on track.

So all I need to do when I am away on holiday is at night before I go to bed practise keeping the inner child under control and then I should be better coming home.

So it goes something like this inner child: I am scared we'll crash and I won't see my family ever again. inner parent: No it's ok remember flying is the safest and quickest way to get back to your family, stop worrying now.

I don't know how it will work for others but for me being a very visual person it's working really well in a few aspects of my life (I am a very anxious person by nature).

StPeteMark: Your so right!! Repetition is the best way to get oevr fears. Because it makes them not so scary anymore, you get used to them. Flying is no exception!

[Zia]

hi guys,

thanks for all the replies - i just now got around to reading them.

well, the answer is...i did drive home. i am glad i did. to be honest, i have spent so much time driving around the country (to avoid flying) that driving from florida to minnesota is no problem for me at all.

i have to say that my case is very tough - unlike other people just flying a lot won't desensitize me. until i stopped flying at around 23 years old, i flew constantly all my life. my family flies all the time, everywhere, constantly, constantly, constantly. someone posted an article a few weeks ago on how you can further sensitize yourself to your fears as you fly. well, that's usually what happens to me.

i'm simply not going to have that magical flight that gets me over it. i guess i have to accept that.

so, i guess the truth is...if i overwhelm myself with too much anxiety i will flood myself and make my phobia worse.

yeah, so - i had been going on about 3 weeks straight of the most horrific, nonstop anxiety. i was taking ativan every day to deal with it (i also had this other situation, or several other situations that were adding to the problem). OMG the sweet release when i decided to drive home. i know, i know - that sweet feeling of release can also serve to augment the phobia. but i had a choice - flooding and resensitization or avoiding and possible augmentation. i considered it, i really did.

so, wow - i've actually spent like 6 days with no ativan and no torturous, every night, i-wish-i-could-just-die-to-get-away-from-this-feeling-but-not-in-a-plane-crash-anything-but-a-plane-crash anxiety. on thursday i am meeting with my mother who has agreed to take a trip with me to chicago. i will have a new flight plan then.

so i'm not giving up!

and yesterday i met with a shrink and went on lexapro to see if maybe that could help bring my anxiety threshold up a bit - anyone have any experience with SSRIs and anxiety? i don't.

thanks to everyone for your responses - sorry for being so slow to come back!

[Kimmar]

I'm so glad to see that you are not giving up! You are not any different than the rest of us however, just a tougher version.

We have all felt like someone has a gun to our head when we walk on that plane, the trick is to learn how to deal with the anxiety that is created, not to expect it to never happen.

My first flight after I decided to re-learn to fly was like a death march. I was literally sick...However, I was armed with some anxiety reducing techniques, and some good information (all written on my hand, so I wouldn't forget it in the panic! LOL) and my first flight was only about 20 minutes long! I got to control how much I could take because I was paying a pilot to "drive me around" so to speak, while *I* worked on my anxiety. Up to that point I had done alot of work desensitizing myself using visualization techniques and Youtube videos. (My Fear of Flying Groundschool! LOL)

It took me months to even *think* about booking that first flight. I worked daily on my "groundschool stuff" until I felt there was a good chance that it wouldn't all "fly out the window" when I got in the air. (I still wrote it on my hand, just in case my mind went blank! LOL)

I was a very tough nut to crack, but once I found that I could control the anxiety somewhat, and that I could control it better with each flight I started to develop confidence that this might actually work!

I kept (keep) a journal of my whole journey so far, and each time I flew I journaled it (or did a flight report) and kept that in my journal. I logged my fear on a scale from one to ten, with ten being "screaming down the aisle, trying to break out of the plane in mid-air" fear, and zero being, well, zero fear!

I've never flown at zero, but I'm getting closer, (I've flown at a one the last few times, I could even class that as "excitement" rather than "fear") but when I started I was flying at a nine on my scale. Blank mind, sweating, hyperventilating, tense muscles, the whole nine yards. The journal was good because I could log thoughts, keep quotes that inspired me, print off exceptional posts and keep them in there, and most of all, see progress!

I expect that if you look back on your journey you will see progress as well. I too wanted that "magic" trip that just make my fears "melt away". Didn't happen that way for me. I can't tell you how many flights I got on that I said at some point "I wish I didn't feel like this.....But I'm going anyway, cause my feelings are no indicator of the facts."

Only on the last flight or two have I started to feel like I"m finally cracking this thing for real, and I'll be fine. I take comfort in aviation facts now, and I can even handle the "accidents" that happen with a rational mindset. I'm becoming "normal"!

The key word in this whole post is "becoming". It's a journey, and it requires committment and dedication. It's likely one of the hardest things you ever do, but in the end you come out feeling like you can do anything, (and you know what? You can!)

Keep coming here, and you'll get there....

[Barb-SAN]

yeah, so - i had been going on about 3 weeks straight of the most horrific, nonstop anxiety. i was taking ativan every day to deal with it .....

so, wow - i've actually spent like 6 days with no ativan and no torturous, every night, i-wish-i-could-just-die-to-get-away-from-this-feeling-but-not-in-a-plane-crash-anything-but-a-plane-crash anxiety.

Is there a possibility that you don't respond well to Ativan? (Disclaimer...not a medical opinion here...just repeating what you wrote).

[StPeteMark]

...i'm simply not going to have that magical flight that gets me over it. i guess i have to accept that
. ... so i'm not giving up! ... and yesterday i met with a shrink and went on lexapro to see if maybe that could help bring my anxiety threshold up a bit - anyone have any experience with SSRIs and anxiety? i don't. ...Never heard of Lexapro, but you can get more info at: http://www.lexapro.com/

Based on your interaction with your doc, she/he will perform trial-and-error methods to find the right med(s) and dosages for you.

In the mean time, you're going to have to rewrite the statement you made at the top of this quote clip!!! It has great power to keep you grounded. Glad that you're not giving up!!!
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