Flying in 4 Weeks...Reassurance needed.

[Majikat]

Hi,

I'm planning a flight in late february. I have flown before, but only 4 flights (including out and return.)

Each time I considering a new flight, I get really scared as the weeks draw closer. In the last few years I've always gone via the ferry. In some ways that was for convenience since the ferry visited the places I wanted to go. But it was also in some ways to avoid flying. In truth, I'm absolutely scared of flying.

I've come to realise that my fears are completely irrational, but was hoping for some helpful words. It's crazy that I have a physics degree, understand the Newtonian mechanics of flying, yet still harbour this horrid fear. Now's the time to do something aobut it.

I know my fear is irrational. After all, I cross the main busy road outside of my work two orthree times a day and don't even consider being killed or injured, or even fear it.

There's just something about flying that makes my imigination run riot. Hurtling toward the ground from 30 000 feet and hitting the floor at such a high speed. The plane eploding, or being covered in jet fuel and burning to death. I sometimes consider how painful these events would be and always seem to associate them with flying. But nothing else.

I would be grateful if you guys could help overcome my fear and get on a plane. And even better, actually enjoy the flight.

Majikat.

[MathFox]

:welcome2:
Yes, jet planes are a marvel or engineering; but what surprises me as an engineer most is how incredibly safe flying is, compared to other, less technologically challenging means of transport.

Can you tell us what the cause of your fear is? Claustrophobia, fear of heights, being packed with too many people in a small room or loss of control? (Every fearful flier is unique and tricks that work for you are not guaranteed to work for everyone; the cause of the fear may be different too.)

We are no therapists; but most of the members here have been where you are now; many have overcome their fears. We generally recommend the http://www.anxieties.com/ website as a resource for web study, but there are other resources (doctors, therapists) that could provide valuable help. Start working on your fear today; one month is a short time to obtain significant improvement.

[Majikat]

It's difficult for me to identify one root cause of my fear. I wouldn't say it's claustrophobia or being crammed in with lots of other people. I'm pretty much comfortable with this after many years of night-clubbing and working in bars.

There may be a trust issue there. I'm not used to putting my life or fate in other peoples hands. I suppose I worry that the pilot(s) may make some error that would cause disaster. After all, it does happen.

I think it's fair to say that I'm concerned about losing control. How would I react if I saw flames bursting from the aircraft engine? How scared would I be if the plane began falling at an unctrollable rate from the sky and towrd the ground? Would there be enough time before impact to realise that my life is about to end and there's nothing I can do about it?

Also, I think a fear of being in pain is a factor. How unbearable would it be to be strapped into a seat surrounded by flames? What if the plane exploded - would it hurt? Would I feel my body being ripped apart?

As far as I can see, this all boils down to an overactive imagination. This makes me anxious and I've had shear panic progress all over my body, even when I think about it at work.

I just don't know if my FoF will ever go. I want to fly. I want to enjoy flying. I'm just so scared. And I shouldn't be. But I am.

[Barb-SAN]

As far as I can see, this all boils down to an overactive imagination. This makes me anxious and I've had shear panic progress all over my body, even when I think about it at work.
I have an "overactive" imagination too. Sometimes it can be really helpful, if I need some creativity to solve a problem. It can also be entertaining when I'm having positive daydreams. I wouldn't want to get rid of my imagination, because it's part of who I am. HOWEVER...a lively imagination can also lead to self-inflicted mental torture when it goes down a negative path.

I think the issue could be regarded as one of mental SELF-CONTROL. You are the only one who can manage your own thoughts, talk back to them, see if they are realistic or not. There are many other scenarios of gruesome ways to die besides flying (er, crashing) that you could imagine...if that is how you want to spend your time. But we have only so much mental energy, and time...the choice is yours how you want to spend it.

There are mental "tricks" to interrupt obsessive thoughts too. One that a therapist taught me was to imagine a big red stopsign in my brain, and say "STOP" loudly to myself, any time my thought process was heading in a direction that I didn't want to go. Some people keep a rubber band on their wrist and snap it to interrupt a chain of negative thinking.
Just wondering, where are you located? I'm trying to imagine where one might live that the ferry is an alternative to flying.

[Barb-SAN]

I think it's fair to say that I'm concerned about losing control. How would I react if I saw flames bursting from the aircraft engine? How scared would I be if the plane began falling at an unctrollable rate from the sky and towrd the ground? Would there be enough time before impact to realise that my life is about to end and there's nothing I can do about it?


There are stories from the survivors of US Airways flight #1549 now coming out in the news. Here's a link to one..."reality" can be quite different from what you are imagining. http://www.freep.com/article/20090125/NEWS01/901250422/1003/news/A+US+Airways+crash+survivor


"A: The only word I can come up with, Jim -- and it's overused -- it was surreal. You know, it's true, you start to reflect back on your life in a moment of panic. And that goes by pretty fast. I would add as a footnote mine was pretty disappointing. (Laughs.) But then, in all candor, when I could see the rooftops of the apartment complexes, and I knew we were going into the water, just a total calm came over me. This sounds morose, but I had accepted the fact that I wasn't going to survive."
Q: Did you think about making a phone call, scribbling down a will? Or is that just movie stuff?
A: No, no, that stuff goes through your mind. The funny part of that whole thing ... the pilot came on and uttered the three words, right? "Brace for impact." ... And as I'm sitting there waiting to hit the water, the thought ran through my mind, I said, "Hey ... what if you do survive?" ... With that I reached into the seat pocket ... pulled out my BlackBerrys and both of my cell phones and ... slid them into my pants pockets."

And then...once he realizes that he is going to survive after all, and he's out there on the wing of the plane, and then on the ferry, what does he do?

"Q: You flew out on a plane to Charlotte that night?
A: On my shuttle boat, on my ferry boat ride from the plane to the shore, I actually started to panic that everybody else would be doing the same thing, so I called US Air and rebooked myself on the 9:30 departure out of LaGuardia.

Q: You rebooked while you were on the ferry back to shore?
A: Well, I was afraid all the other passengers would beat me to the good seats.

Q: Did you fall to your knees at some point and thank God you're alive?
A: I do it every day."

[Rebecca]

That man's words should be a sticky, Barb. Emblazoned on our home page. Put on magnets for our fridges.

He makes his plane reservation while on the ferry! That is just RICH!!!

I find it fascinating that loss of control is one of the biggest issues we deal with here, but in the event there is often a sense of peace and calm.

[Getb0rn]

I am the queen of irrational thoughts and I have the most run away mind ever. Believe me I have imagined every possible awful thing that can happen and every time I do I freaj myself out and convince myself not to go.

But the thing that I have found that works for me especially to stop having those thoughts whilst on the plane is a STOP technique.

Pretty much as soon as I am in the airport I am not allowed to have any more negative thoughts. Thats my rules. When I feel my mind starting to run away with me (ie: crying shaking wanting to run) I yell as loud as I can in my mind STOP! and end the thought. Then I promptly move on to something else eg: reading, crossword, talking to seat friends ... to occupy my mind.

I know it's hard I am 6 days away from my flight and sturggling with thoughts of terrifying things. But I just keep telling myself to stop thinking about them and move on to other things to keep myself busy.

I hope this helps!

[Majikat]

Okay, so in exactly two weeks from now, I'll be boarding the flight to travel for my holiday.

Since the time of my first post, I've made quite significant progress, even though it is a relatively short time. I've been listening to my hpyno FOF CD and that's helping a lot. I've also read the comments that you folks have made and that's been helping a lot too, so thank you all very much :).

My friends and colleagues at work are aware of my FOF since I've been going on about it so much, lol. They've been helping in their own way, as some of them fly regularly. They're really not scared of flying, probably because they do it so much. I've made ony made 4 flights in my 30 years of life, so it's quite a big thing for me.

There is one big thing that has helped me though. And it's that I've accepted there is some risk to life in everything we do, yet we don't stop it ruining our lives. As I said before, I cross a main road to get my lunch, but I don't get so scared I can't do it.

Watching videos of planes taking off with a view from the cockpit really helped. And just looking at the photos of planes on sites like this is doing a little bit.

In conclusion, I'm starting to get used to this flying gig. But who knows, I could be a complete wreck the night before the flight...lol