Other areas of life

[David]

I am currently reading “Flying Without Fear,” by Duane Brown. I have found it to be excellent so far and I thought I would bring up one thing it has touched on.

A lot of people who are afraid to fly have a “catastrophic way of thinking.” If one little thing does not seem right, that means everything is going to go wrong or they might die. “This thinking can be cued in dozens of ways, ranging from a frown on a flight attendant’s face to an unusual noise coming from the hydraulic system that raises and lowers the landing gear.”

The thing I’ve started to discover about myself is that this “catastrophic” way of thinking doesn’t always just translate itself in a flying situation. It’s just that I pay more attention to the flying because it brings so many intense fears together. For example, if my mother doesn’t call home on a long road trip, I assume something horrible has happened sometimes. This morning, after my swim, I couldn’t hear as well when I got out of the water. Instead of the obvious reason (water in the ear) I went with all the worse things it could be and wondered if I would ever hear normally again.

The point is that I think all the fears we feel when we get on a plane often re-emerge in other areas of life. We just don’t pay as much attention to those since they are spread further apart. Taking a flight represents a lot of these irrational phobias coming together.

If we work on curing this flying fear, OTHER areas of life are going to improve as well. That’s what I believe.

[aerobat]

Hi, David,

People do often apply the same catastrophic illogic to other life situations, but they don't feel the effect as strongly because those are more familiar situations--e.g. driving on the freeway. That's much more dangerous than commercial air travel, but we adapt to it and accept the risk, in spite of having bouts of what-ifs sometimes. So we can use those situations as models, so to speak, for how it ought to be with flying. And as we progress on our flying fears, we take that progress (and the skills that promote it) back into those other situations, absolutely.

I like Duane Brown's book very much also. I met him once in Chapel Hill--I think it was 1994. His wife had had a terrible fear of flying and she beat it roundly.

As Passenger Mark likes to say, "it can be done". :)

[MathFox]

Fearful fliers differ... For some the fear is very specific, they can not believe that a plane will stay up in the air without ropes keeping it up. Add a few "Airline disaster" episodes, some reinforcement by friends and family and you build a full blown phobia.
Others are more phobic in general: heights, confined spaces, crowds, lack of control, some technophobia... and, as you observe in yourself, their fear of flying is driven by a combination of more general phobias. (Off course, it isn't all black and white, there is grey between the extremes and a lot of colour from other personality aspects.)

There is no single :magic: treatment for FoF. Everyone has to collect his own bag of tricks. Everything that helps you overcome a fear is a valuable addition to your bag. (Feel free to share the tricks you've learned!)
Now you start to understand what creates your fears, you can overcome them and "improve" yourself. You are on the road to beat :hyped: your fears.

[Barb-SAN]

The thing I’ve started to discover about myself is that this “catastrophic” way of thinking doesn’t always just translate itself in a flying situation. It’s just that I pay more attention to the flying because it brings so many intense fears together. For example, if my mother doesn’t call home on a long road trip, I assume something horrible has happened sometimes. This morning, after my swim, I couldn’t hear as well when I got out of the water. Instead of the obvious reason (water in the ear) I went with all the worse things it could be and wondered if I would ever hear normally again.


I find this an interesting observation, and I have a tendency to think this way as well. I wonder why there is a slant towards the more pessimistic rather than the more optimistic outlook? There could be some survival benefits in looking for what might go wrong rather than assuming nothing bad will ever happen. We are here today because of at least some caution and "what-if" thinking on the part of our ancestors. I think we also receive some training in this pessimistic thinking from the media.
Perhaps some of us grew up with parents who tended to worry a lot as well, so we model our behavior after them. It takes a conscious effort, at least at first, to look for the more optimistic outcome (in life in general as well as with flying).

[Dachiri]

some technophobia

I have terrible technophobia...I simply cannot stand that music. :rotflmao:

I can see how those who tend to blow things out of proportion could easily end up in the fearful flyer category. Good food for thought!

[CAflyer]

I agree with you David, I feel the same way. I am the type of person that knows a lot about a lot of different things and I like to learn but as you learn you also learn about all the bad things and it makes you worry about stuff that you may never even encounter. As I grew up I got more scared. I also read that book and I do believe being scared of flying is usally just part of all your fears.

[bellevueace]

This book also helped me this year in tackling the fof, i think its an excellent read. I also agree with the catastrophic thinking theory. As ive learnt to overcome the fear of flying ive found im more positive in other areas of my life and now tend to look at things in the affirmative rather than the negative.

[David]

Pain is constant during hard effort. Bontrager wrote, “It always hurts when you go as hard as you can.” And this is precisely what keeps most people from pulling out all the stops – it hurts. But with the right attitude and the will to suffer, “this sort of pain can become easier to endure with practice.” You confront it, immerse yourself in it, and become it. You survive. The next time – because you know what's coming – you are less apprehensive, which spares energy, allowing you to focus, to push harder, and perhaps to truly suffer. You don't quit. You get through it. Confidence soars. Your self-image changes, you begin to see yourself as able, capable, and newfound capacity causes ambition to evolve so you try something harder. It lasts longer. In it, you have the time to think, to look inward, which separates the “sprint” experience from the endurance effort: self-knowledge gained during effort is more honest and clear than what one learns through analysis after the fact, which is too often corrupted by selective memory.

Bontrager also states, “the perspective that you acquire on facing hardship makes you stronger and tougher in a lot of ways that are unrelated” to the specific sport or endeavor, though only “if you get the full dose.” When dose and duration are great enough you will be transformed. How much, and how long? Olympic gold-medalist Brad Lewis wrote, “A man goes through many changes in 2000 meters. Some of them not very pretty. Some make you hate yourself.” Brad's incredible intensity allowed him to plumb his soul in less than seven minutes. Others substitute duration for intensity, spending hours or days on honest self-inquiry. Some dedicate themselves to a lifelong process. For those interested in finding answers, the journey lasts as long as is needed, constantly attended by the risk that the answer may not be the one desired.

You have to be willing to bite off more than you can chew, to overdose, and to fail. If you won't risk the answer you won't ask the question. If you lack the will to ask then consciousness will not unite with muscle and bone. I criticize such a lack of will (especially in myself) and ask, “What's the worst that can happen?” The fearful part of me replies, “I may fall short of my expectations. I may not be who I pretend to others. My perception of self may be proven wrong, very wrong.” The confident part of me says, “So what ... only after breaking myself apart may rebuilding begin.” So go ahead, break stuff. Break yourself on the once-hard edges of yourself. And recycle the debris into the foundation of your future.

- Mark Twight, famouse fitness trainer and head man in charge of building the guys up for the movie "300"

Does this apply to conquering your fear of flying? You bet it does. Never give up! any of you!

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