New Forum Member

[photomonkey0]

Hi all,

So, I've been lurking around here for the past few days and thought I'd come on out and say hello. You've got quite the community here!

I started out reading things over at, what's referred to as the "other" forum and there were things over there that struck me as....I don't know.....off. So I went looking for something more and, thankfully, found you all.

So...what's my story? Strikingly similar to most of you. I loved flying as a child - couldn't get enough of it. Then, one day while sitting on the taxiway getting ready to take a flight for business, I got hit with a massive wave of panic attacks. Within minutes my shirt was drenched from sweating and I sat, white knuckled, in my seat for the entire flight across the country.

I didn't know it at the time but that was the first indication that I am one of the lucky people on the planet with a panic disorder. Even though I'm diagnosed now and have gotten my day to day panic under control, flying is still the one thing that hits me with a feeling of complete and total doom.

Worst of all??? I know that this fear is completely and totally irrational. I'm fascinated by flight. I love smaller planes. I'd like to get my PPL one day. I play around with MS Flight Simulator whenever I get the chance. I love watching Discovery Wings. I'm even pretty ok when I'm sitting at the airport. But, when I'm walking down the jetway and I'm getting on board, I'm always met with the sensation that this will be my last day. That jet isn't going to land at my destination. Life was good...too bad I'm dying today. Great way to start a vacation, eh??? :sigh Ha---forget the vacation....my honeymoon involved a flight. Imagine walking to the jet with your new bride thinking "we could have had a great life together!". Then, after having a great honeymoon in Disneyland and flying back, thinking "we could have had a great life together!" :lol

Well, next week has me flying to Las Vegas for vacation. My wife and I and my cousin and his wife are heading out for a week of fun. We're flying Southwest (hi Capt. Ray!) primarily b/c of the low fares but also b/c of the impeccable safety record (my biggest fears revolve around maintenance and a lack thereof leading to me falling 39,000 feet out of the sky) and, in all honesty, if I have to get on a plane for 4 hours I think I'd rather be with a bunch of SWA fliers headed to Vegas than any other group. :happyguy

I'll probably ask for tracking for the flights there and back and will give trip reports. I hope to be an active member on this board. I really want to start traveling. As a photographer it gets pretty bland just shooting things that are in your immediate geographic area. I'm still young, my wife and I don't have kids yet, and I want to see the world. Doing so just means getting on planes. I think, with some help, that'll become more and more of a reality.

Thanks for reading all of this!!
Eric

[invert29]

Eric,

:welcome

Your story sounds very similar to mine. My panic disorder started in a restaurant about 10 years ago. My daily panic/anxiety is fine but the flying part still sticks. I am new to this board as well and have found it to be a great community so far. I am flying from OAK to LAX on Thursday and this board has really been helping me prepare.

Glad you found it!

Chris

[spleisher]

Eric... YOur story is identical to mine. I'm glad you decided to speak out and join the group. Even though it may be frustrating, there are a number of people in your boat. As you can see, there are a WHOLE lot of people here with a FoF, but there are even PILOTS who have experienced it. There are also people who have conquered a FoF by learning to fly. (Myself and Barb and Mark come to mind) and even those who are pilots and still have problems flying in airliners (Marco). Just take comfort in the fact that you are not an oddball to be fascinated with aviation, but yet have it be a source of axiety.

Feel free to ask any questions you may have. We'll be here for you.

Scott

[Passenger Mark]

Hi Eric!

Welcome aboard! Great to have you here!

:welcome

Wow! Your story could be mine!

I do not know if you have read my testimonial over on the website, but you should!

I too love airplanes, love Discovery Wings, etc etc etc.

You too may be like me, as I discovered that my particular brand of FOF had nothing to do with the plane, flying, pilots, etc, but had to do with giving up control.

I did not like that trapped feeling of being on a plane, 37,000 feet in the air, and no way out.

But then, through research, this board, information from Captain Ray, etc I realized that I was not truly trapped. Not at all.

In fact I realized that I am MORE trapped sitting on a stalled freeway in Southern California than I am on a airliner.

Ray made a post recently about how he had a medical emergency at cruise. I think around 37,000 feet. They were on the ground, at the gate, with the paramedics on board in less than 25 minutes!!!

I also came to realize that the aircraft can take anything! I learned this from reading the pilot's posts, and going to the Boeing website (linked on the website).

And finally I came to realize that although I may not have control over the aircraft, the pilots up front do. And they like themselves as much as I like myself, so they are not going to do anything to jeopardize their life's or their family's futures.

So now... after understanding all of this... I came to realize that flying is much better than what I first imagined.

With each fear there is a answer. It is like when one was a kid, scared there was a monster in the closet. Best way to handle it was to turn on the lights and look. No monster in the closet!

With FOF turn on the lights! LOOK! .... NO MONSTER! :troll

Again... welcome aboard!

Mark

[Passenger Mark]

P.S.

We love photos here!!

One of the ways I have distracted myself is by making photos during flight.

We have a gallery over on the website, so please be sure to load it up.

And you can include photos in the posts here. Click on the radio button above the text box marked "ezcodes" with that several bars will come up to the left. There is one marked "image". Click on that, and it will give a box to place the photo address. "HTTP"will automatically be there. Remove that, and then paste your photo's address!

[photomonkey0]

Hey guys,

Wow...thanks for all the quick replies! It's great to see 3 people instantly pop up and say "hey...you sound like me!" :D

I really appreciate you guys saying hi and welcoming me. Mark...I did, indeed read your testimonial. It is truly quite a story.

I'm also leaning strongly in the direction of saying that it's a control issue with me as well. I hate being a passenger. I hate not knowing what's going on. Would I rather be the one behind the controls of the 737-700 I'm flying on next week? No way. We'd all die. But, would I rather be in the cockpit the entire time so that if something is going on then I know about it and don't feel like I'm in the darK?? You bet. I think my apprehension would drop by at least half.

It's also hard for me to trust (and no offense here at all) the mechanics. I've seen this on this board before so I know it's common - what if they didn't tighten that nut or screw down that cap. Yet another reason why I'm glad to be flying SWA - I understand that their mechanics are second to none. I also keep reminding myself that the pilots didn't watch them work every second they were messing with the plane and they're still on it. If they trust the staff then I can, too.

But, again, thanks so much for the welcome!

[beaugest]

Hi Eric,
Welcome. I laughed when I read this sentence in your post:

"Imagine walking to the jet with your new bride thinking "we could have had a great life together!". Then, after having a great honeymoon in Disneyland and flying back, thinking "we could have had a great life together!"

I bet most of the folks here can imagine exactly what you are talking about. That's what I enjoy about posting here. You say something like that in the outside world and folks might think you are kind of out there for saying it. Here everyone says" I know just what you mean."
I have pictured the newspaper headlines. You know, "nice family boards plane. Nice family doesn't come out alive..."
Yesterday, I was reading a study about anxiety attacks vs. phobias.(This isn't as nerdy as it sounds. I'm a therapist). It discussed how Generalized Anxiety Disorder plays into specific phobias. Of course, many people have both. In many folks with either a generalized or specific anxiety--- control and trust issues are present. I think those are characteristics many of us can relate to here. I think it's great that you are so actively working on this now. Monica

[photomonkey0]

Hi Monica,

Ha - newspaper headlines. You read my mind. :D I've seen so many of those in my head that it's not even funny. Glad to know I'm among those who understand exactly what I mean.

Thanks for the response!

[xiknal]

Hey there, Photomonkey!

I, too, have felt all the things you are feeling about flying, pictured the headlines and the obits, had that certainty that THIS plane (mostly because I am on it!) is certain to crash, and let my imagination run amok with all the screws and nuts and caps and LEDs that could have been badly tightened or not replaced, thus dooming the plane. :shocked

Well, I am so glad to say that I don't feel this way anymore. I really enjoy flying commercially now. If you read my testimonial on the main page, you'll understand some of what happened to me (the rest is still somewhat mysterious to me but I ain't complainin'). :jump

I think that the solution to your concerns about maintenance may lie in learning more about redundancy of systems on airliners, and about pilot training for squawks and emergencies. I'm guessing here, as you may already know quite a lot about this. But I recall one of my aha!! :thumbsup moments during the first big wave of my recovery, and the lyrics to it went something like this:

:whistle There are so many things that can fail on an airplane without compromising the safety of the flight!! :whistle

This may not sound very comforting at face value, but for me it came loaded with comfort. After I became a pilot, a deeper layer of truth about this started sinking in; it has to do with how pilots are trained to recognize any li'l thing that shakes loose, any light that comes on, any gauge that says something unexpected, and how that sets off a chain of rapid-fire decisions (made calmly and collectedly) about what to do in response. There are precious few things that can go wrong mechanically on a plane that will lead by themselves to a crash, and those few things are so rare and unlikely that they aren't worth worrying about :) ...so the task is simple: stop worrying (heh heh, and imagine the sound of one hand clapping). :lol

But that is one of the things we work on here. We put our attention and intelligence and creativity on the task of not worrying, and we can get there. :nod

Thanks for joining us. :cheers

I'll bet that as a photographer, if you liked flying, you'd be looking out the window and taking photos all the time. It's an amazing geographer's paradise out there. Like that pic that Allen posted (that everyone is guessing about), there are things to be seen and photographed from airplanes that Maxfield Parrish would drool over.:drool

Sorry for being long-winded, but at least I don't :fart

at cruise very much like Scott does!!

Barb

[CaptainStark]

Eric,

You have come to the right place. (Spread the word!)
Hope we can help!

Ray:ray

[canoga]

"Imagine walking to the jet with your new bride thinking "we could have had a great life together!". Then, after having a great honeymoon in Disneyland and flying back, thinking "we could have had a great life together!"

Eric,

This is EXACTLY the thought that went through my head when I flew home from China (twice) with my adopted daughters. I had myself in tears thinking that they had already overcome so much in their lives - finally had found a forever family - just to be killed in a plane crash. I was absolutely paralyzed with guilt when the plane door closed. I was sure they would never see their new grandparents or new nurseries.

Beth

[photomonkey0]

Hi Beth, Barb, and Capt. Ray,

Barb...thanks so much for your reply! I did indeed read your testimonial. Your life has been, thus far, incredible! I can only attempt to imagine some of the things you've seen. I also completely understood what you meant when you were talking about windows opening and closing. There are times when I'm psyched, ready, and could get on a plane with no hesitation (usually those times surround the times I'm sitting here reading the board). And then, with the snap of a finger, the apprehension comes back and the realization that in order to go have my fun I have to get on that plane and sit there for 4 hours. Don't worry about being long winded - you're a pleasure to read! You also make a lot of sense. There definitely is that feeling of "not belonging" up there when you're sitting down and hurtling through the sky. Before I began to understand about air thickness and efficiency I used to sit there thinking "what is this?? Some kind of contest to see who can get the highest??" :jump

Beth...glad to see that you identified with what I wrote. At first I thought I may have been taking things to an extreme but so many of you understand that part of it! Thanks for sharing that.

Capt. Ray - thanks so much for replying. I wish I had known about this board and your book sooner. I'd love to take a copy with me on my flight but I know that it'll never get here in time for me to leave. :banghead When I get back I'll order a copy so that I can take it with me on my next voyage.