Hi, I'm new.

[Aravyndra]

Hi all!

I'm new to the forum, and just wanted to explain my story.

I'm not sure when I developed my fear of flying, because growing up my family never traveled much, and all the traveling we did do was by car.

maybe the lack of experience is what caused it?

Anyway. After a really horrid train ride to California, I decided to fly out the next time.

From that moment I was petrified of flying. My first time was in 1999 on a smaller jet plane(Southwest I think?)

The flight itself wasn't bad... but I white knuckled it all the way there and back. It was this almost panic feeling. My chest hurt, I was sweating, it was hard to breathe...

I just kept think of the movie "La Bamba"... remember how Richie Valance was afraid to fly... and the first time he gets on a plane it crashes?? I kept picturing that being me.

And this one guy on TV who also is terrified of flying summed it up best. When he walks into a terminal, he freaks out and has to leave because he sees everyone boarding a plane and believes he's looking at people who are about to die.

Its that irrational fear that you just can't get out of your head.

my second flight to California was horrible. The turbulance was so bad we had to lose altitude to pass it.

The problem... the pilot didn't warn us. We suddenly were dropping, and the plane was shaking... I was in tears.

That was 2002. I have never flown since...

Its been crippling for me. I don't travel even though I love to visit new places... and my biggest dream is to go to Scotland and even more important to me... Japan.

After a car accident, I just told myself, "I was almost killed. I could die at anytime on the ground... why am I letting the fear of something that could happen to me with my feet firmly planted on cement keep me from fulfilling my dream?"

I mean, I realized how much could happen right here.

I was hit in a car accident, a month later my brother was almost killed by a drunk driver, my dog had bad flea/tick medicine and ended up getting at tick - some ticks can spread Rocky Mountain Spotted Fever or Lymes.

I mean, anything can happen anywhere, even here under the clouds... so why am I so scared of flying?

So I got some of my friends to agree, and three of us decided we're going to Japan in October of next year.

I went to set up an interview to get a passport, and I walked out. Suddenly it became real, that I was really going to do this, and now I'm freaking out.

I can't back out because my friends have their passports... and they're counting on me to go.

What can I do? Is there help for my fear?

[aerobat]

Hi, Aravyndra,

The most important answer to your most important question is: yes. There is hope.

To use a metaphor: a fear of flying (FoF), when we first decide to confront it, can appear as (and feel like) an insurmountable wall.

There are steps to be taken which will dismantle the wall. Not everyone pulls the same bricks away in the same order, but for each of us--and that includes you--there is a way to proceed which will allow you to learn (and it is a learning process) to become more and more comfortable as an air traveler.

The comparison to road travel comes up often. We know driving is more dangerous; we have all driven past accidents, sometimes awful ones. Some of us have been in accidents. But we don't park and toss the keys and never drive again. There are several reasons:

We are very accustomed to driving. We do it all the time.
We have to do it or our lives fall completely apart, unless we live in the bush and get paid to watch bonobos :D and someone else brings us all our supplies.

When we drive we have an illusion of control. It's just an illusion, but, imagination can be bigger than real life, and in this case, it's a comforting illusion.

Emotionally, car accidents can't approach the catastrophic scale of plane crashes. And the media don't generate endless replays; this is probably because car accidents are so common.

The best strategy is to divest ourselves of catastrophic images like the ones you describe. There are strategies for this. Not only are those images horrific, but they also carry the message "this is a trap!!"

And when we are presented with the possibility that something we want to do is a deadly trap (regardless of the statistics and the facts) then that activity becomes charged with dreadful responsibility. We wrestle for days, weeks, months with The Decision. We are spitted on it, like a pinned butterfly. The anticipatory anxiety becomes so unbearable that we sometimes cancel.

I have been there.

Sometimes it helps to understand why we developed a fear of flying in the first place, but that doesn't change what we do to get over it. Perhaps something was going on in your life at the time of that first flight to California which caused you to load the flight up with emotions. You were scared even though the flight itself was fine. Once that scenario is enacted, we are primed for escalation. Here's where I like to compare FoF to poison ivy (go ahead and laugh :lol:; it's good for you!!). Repeated exposure leads to increased sensitivity.

Your next flight (with a movie about Richie Valens and Buddy Holly in between :() piled on some very uncomfortable physical sensations. Now you've been double-whammied.

A phobia exists for one reason. And it's not to keep us safe.
A phobia exists to deter us from taking the risk of re-experiencing the fear we experienced the previous time. It's literally the fear of fear itself.

A phobia presents itself as just as smart--or smarter--than we are. It uses our intelligence against us. Here is where it's important to start recognizing FoF for what it is--an emotional scamster. It's a neurochemical deceit. For that reason, counterphobic trickery is one of the weapons we use to pull away the bricks. A solid aviation education is another. A solid anxiety education is another.

Please visit this site:

http://www.anxieties.com and see what you find. And let us know.

Start a flying journal. Keep track of all the images--bad and good. For the bad ones, construct antidotes which are based on the knowledge you are gathering.

So, it's OK to go ahead and get your passport. It doesn't commit you to anything except...hope.

There's every reason for hope. :)

[CAflyer]

Getting a passport is a good thing anyways, it can always be used instead of a birth certificate or license. You can use it if you drive into Canada or Mexico and going on a cruise so don't associate it with flying.
I had the same thing happen with me. I was fine with flying, I even was on bad flights before that looking back on them I would have been scared if it happened to me today. it was one flight home on a Southwest plane and we had bad turbulence and the plane also descended rapidly to get out of the turbulence. People were over reacting and yelling out and I thought the plane was going down cause i didn't realize that is what a pilot will do to get out of the turbulence. All I could hear was the sound of the plane speeding up and feel it going down. I was alone on the flight and had just come from a best friend's wedding. I think I felt extra alone and felt like if I died I would lose my wonderful friends and family and so this lead to my fears. I have been on 4 flights since that one and all of them have been smooth and fine and still I am certain I will get on a horrible crashing flight. I am going on my next flight next Wednesday and I am very nervous but I am also determined to get through it. I purposely put myself through a connecting flight in Denver so I can experience turbulence again and get use to it.
it is good that you are going with 2 other friends. Sometimes it even helps if you are with someone that is more scared cause then you use your energy telling them to relax and you focus less on how scared you are.
You can do it!

[Barb-SAN]

I purposely put myself through a connecting flight in Denver so I can experience turbulence!
:hyped::hyped: That's the spirit!!!! :D:D

Do you have some tools ready to use if you find yourself getting anxious?

I've found that I need to consciously remind myself to keep my muscles relaxed (especially the large muscles, legs and arms...tense them, then relax completely, "floppy" and don't fidget around), and remember to breathe, slow and steady! Eventually (with repeated exposure, and telling yourself that turbulence is "normal" for the plane, and keeping yourself relaxed while experiencing it) your mind and body get used to the sensation of turbulence, and no longer ring the five star alarms in your brain. :thumbsup:

Oh, and Welcome, Aravyndra! Aerobat has summed it all up nicely!!

[CAflyer]

Yeah I have read and practiced a few different types of relaxation. I do find that the breathing works for me. I get tense very easily, for example: when I am in the dentist chair even though I am never scared I feel my body has gone stiff and I need to relax periodically and I am not even scared of anything!

Hey I have a question..when connecting from the same airline they move your baggage for you right? You don't have to get your bags and then re check them right?

[MathFox]

Hey I have a question..when connecting from the same airline they move your baggage for you right? You don't have to get your bags and then re check them right?
When you've booked a series of connecting flights (which can be on different airlines) you'll get all boarding passes on check in and your luggage will be checked through to your final destination. In general you won't see your luggage before arrival at your destination for the day. (It is good to check that the label they put on your bag mentions the correct destination.) One exception I know is on entry in the USA where you'll have to pick up your bag, drag it past the customs officer and drop it off at another luggage belt.

If something is unclear, just ask the agent who's handling your boarding passes and bags.

[Aravyndra]

thanks for the supportive words.

I really want to take this trip, and I've been seriously working myself up to it for years. After my accident it was like.. well.. I'm not in a plane, yet look what happened.

So that made me think... I can either die not having accomplished anything, or I can die fulfilling a dream. Or even better, come out of it perfectly fine and more enriched for it.

But as it gets closer, I suddenly am starting to panic. I wonder if there is a good, strong sleeping pill I can take for the flight. lol.

thanks for the link Aerobat... I'm going to definately check it out.

At least I have over a year to work through it.

[MathFox]

With a more than a year to your planned flight you do have the time to get over your fears... enough time to even consider some practice trips.
There are dozens of ways to overcome your fears, I suggest that you start with aerobat's suggestion of a flying journal and ask us to help chase the demons away. You can do it and make the flight of your life!

[conor]

I've flown to Asia more than once and I've done a United 747 trip from O'Hare to Narita. I met someone who studied at MIT and starting a job in Japan. Talking to him made the flight go by fast. You'll have 2 friends there! Don't think like this flight is special and it will crash just because your on it. You have to remember these intl. airplanes fly around the world or halfway and back consistantly every week with no problems!