A Newbie: Great Place and Great People here!

[dieube]

Hi all, I am one of the FoF :cry:who is seeking for cure for long time. Surfing internet for more information to ease my nerves has become one of the “must do” before I fly. A few days ago I came cross this site and found that reading the posts here make me feel much better than other self help program. I am also impressed by all the effort being made from everyone here trying to help each other where I can’t find from other web sites. Hopefully, I can cure myself and help other members here!

I always love Air Planes and thought about taking flying lessons before I was 20. After 20, the Fear attacks me from nowhere and had me grounded for 10 yrs. Even the idea of getting on a plane will freak me out.

Until I met my wife 6 years ago, she loves traveling and I love her. I don't want to disappoint her so I decided to give it a try. Then I was anxious ever since I booked the ticket. I flew from Toronto to Miami with her and two of my friends. They managed to fall sleep right after take off, on the other hand, I was so scare since we encountered some strong turbulence and the plane was shaking all the way down. Also, there was a lady sitting on the other side of the axle who looks anxious and was praying at the same time. This helped to trigger another shot of adrenalin in my body…

The year after I flew to SFO and LAX, and I asked my doctor to prescribe me with some Xanax. Again, the anxiety kicks in about a month before the flight. I took the Xanax right before take off and the flights were awesome. I told my wife I did enjoy my flights but somehow I don’t remember much about the flights?! (Maybe that’s the reason)

2 years ago, we planned to go to Europe for my honeymoon which involved 6 flights in total (2 long and 4 short ones). The Fear appeared about 3 months before the flights. It felt like I will never be able to come back. So scare, couldn’t sleep sometimes. That was the first time I begin to search online for some help, and I found Captain Stacey’s self help program. It was very helpful with all the information about the airliners, pilots, and the industry. These facts helped to support the idea that the flight is safe. But the day before the flights, I was so anxious to the point that I have to cry it out. In the end, the flights are all fine, not that much turbulence (I had taken Xanax as well) with only a few chops.

After the honeymoon, I did 2 flights to NY (one was in a thunderstorm which freaked me out when I see lightning during the take off). Now, she wants to travel to more places before having children. She said she knows I am afraid so visiting more places and we don’t have to fly that far again in the future. So we are heading to Australia and Asia, it will be 20 hours from Toronto to Sydney, 9 hours from Sydney to Hong Kong, 5 hours from HK to Beijing, 5 hours form Beijing to Tokyo and finally another 11hrs from Tokyo to Tokyo. 4 places and a total of 50 hours flight… This really really makes extremely nervous… The idea of stay in the air for that long is killing me,,,

Last year, I decide to visit the psychologist for help and hopefully I can have a cure before the vacation. I also asked for Hypnosis but she said it is not suitable as a treatment for aerophobia. She said that I am having a family of phobias in me which causing the Anticipatory Anxiety. The major ones are Fear of Height, Fear of Lost Control, Fear of Flying and the ultimate one Fear of Death. She recommended a few different techniques for me to practice and I find that it only helps for a few days. Even since April 1, count down has been started in my brain and the Fear attacks me days and nights. I can’t focus on my work and fear is all I can feel. The only thing that I do these days is to research about information related to airline industry, plane types, accidents, the best seat and the best planes available and etc. I just want to ensure everything will be fine. I also have done A LOT of research about emergency. Since the flight to Sydney is so long and I was so anxious thinking about what if the engines are failing and there is no where to land! So I learn about ETOPS, bird strike and all other information to engine failure. But when ever I found an answer, couple other questions came up. Such as what happen if all engine failed (After seeing BA Crashing Landing and engine failure with Cathay and DragonAir). Now I have way more things to fear in comparison to a few weeks ago.

Last week, I visited my psychologist and she said I am also having some OCD symptoms. The Fear is the Obsession and the Online Research is the compulsory action which I tried to get a temporary relieve on the anxiety. Especially, most of my fear is BEFORE the flight but not during the flight. Then I read CaptainStark’s article about OCD and I decide to share my story.

I am still very anxious everyday. I can hear my heart beats at anytime. Every time when I tried to imagine about the take off the feeling that I am further away from the ground freak me out.

My first flight is on next Saturday and my count down continues…:(

[MathFox]

Exercise 1:

Concentrate on your breathing:
- breath in slowly and deeply: both your chest and belly should rise
- hold your breath for a few seconds
- let the air go slowly, at least 8 seconds
- leave your lungs empty for a few seconds
- repeat for five minutes...
How slow can you breathe?

Exercise 2:

Check all your muscles. Are they tense? Try to relax them. Start at your toes and work up the leg, then the other leg. Arms from fingertips up; then your back and neck.

[AZ_to_AU]

Hi there...

I can feel your fear and anxiety. I am taking my very first flight in 41 years in 5 days. I've never flown and my fear has stemmed from listening/hearing/watching (tv) and reading about everyone else's fears/accidents/phobia's and "what-if" statements that I developed a FoF without ever experiencing it. It's all in our imagination. I was so afraid to fly that I would walk out of a room if someone even started a conversation about a vacation involving planes. Nup! Didn't wanna hear it! But what I love and value the most in this world far exceeds all the fear I have about flying and I forced myself to take a step forward and work on my issues.

I have done (and still do) what MathFox has suggested and that's the deep breathing exercise. One point I want to make is when you exhale, exhale from your mouth. In through your nose and out through your mouth. It DOES work.
Focus your thoughts, divert your thoughts the moment you start to feel a "what-if" or a brief fleeting thought, divert your mind. Think of a joke, a cartoon character, your wife's face, anything pleasant to get rid of that fear monster.

I think my favorite logic from being on this forum and reading is the one about being in a car day in and day out. We don't fear getting behind the wheel and worry about an accident. And my other favorite is: The pilot wants to get home safe too!
:hug: Glad you found us!!!

[Lynda]

Hi There!

Welcome to Takingflight, glad you found us.

I am sure you will find information and help on here to assist you to fly more comfortably.

Do you know you have joined a bunch of very brave people!!!! We fear flying but do it anyhow! The members all help each other with advice and tips for beating this fear.
Read the information , ask as many questions as you like we are all here to help each other.:)

[dieube]

Thank you both for the suggestions on the breathing exercise and the support you guys gave me to face the fear. I used to be very frustrated since no one around me would understand my feeling, and I would never blame them since I don't understand why people would be afraid of spiders but I understand that fear does really exist. There were times that I keep asking myself, why would I be scare and why can't I just be like everyone else? But now reading the posts here, I know I am not alone anymore! :grouphug:


By read the posts here, I guess most of us are suffering from the Anticipatory Anxiety which makes us anxious for weeks or months before the flight. My psychologist told me that it is rational/normal to be nervous or anxious during take off, turbulence and landing, but it is definitely not when we feel far more anxious when we are watching TV but thinking about the flights!

This week, the fear comes and go, usually it attacks me in the morning and I will feel better after doing some self help action. (I do use the rubber band technique to remind my self not to think about the negative side). I will see my psychologist again Tuesday regarding to the OCD symptoms. Since there are now more questions came up from my brain such as possibility of hurricane and I am now using my rubber to stop it!

Have to get back to work now, and again thank you for your time for leaving me those supportive words!!

[dieube]

One thing that does helped me to feel better is to track the flight that I will be on. By seeing the flight go back and forth with no problem everyday gives me more confidence the flight will be fine. I use the following site:

http://www.flightaware.com/
http://www.flightstats.comHope this can help you as well!

[Passenger Mark]

Howdy.... I too am glad you found us!

Some good advice above, and you have also found some good tools on your own!

I too find tracking my flight a few days before my travel date helpful. It confirms that these planes fly every day of every week of every month of every year without any problems!

Welcome Aboard!

[aerobat]

Hi, dieube,

I have read your posts a couple of times. When you said 'next Saturday' I wonder if that's today or a week from today (I'm never sure what people mean by 'next' in this context :blush:).

If you've read very many of my posts here, you probably know what my take on all of this is: trickery.

That is, after you have learned all you can about the safety of commercial air travel, the general trustworthiness of the pilots and the airlines, the truth about turbulence (we don't like it but it won't hurt us unless we aren't buckled in). Sounds like you've done your homework there.

I hope you are keeping a journal. For you, I think it would help if you make a list of all the things which help you feel better. Right now, it doesn't matter so much whether they help for a few minutes or a few days. If they help, they should be on that list. You mentioned that your psychologist gave you some techniques, and that you have some (including the rubber band) that you find helpful, and you also find flight tracking helpful. List everything, even if it sounds like something 'magical' (someone wins the lottery using numbers that are a replica of two of your flight numbers :)).

You may also want to list all the things that scare you. Do that, but following each, write the antidote. Consider making a set of flash cards that you can keep with you at all times. These should be entirely of your own design (both fear and antidote); that personalizes them. Draw pictures, use colors; that addresses the other side of the brain as well.

This particular trick may not be practical, but consider booking a short practice flight for, say, tomorrow :). Get the jump on the anticipatory anxiety, or give it only a day or two to harass you about this flight. Look at the flight's purpose as solely to make progress on your fear and make careful notes from the moment you book, all the way through the flights out and back, and the days after.

You have said that you tend to forget the details of all your past flights. Some of that might be due to the Xanax, but most of it probably not (the same thing used to happen to me). They've pretty much been uneventful, even pleasant...but it appears that you have not been using them to deliberately work on your fear--perhaps because you didn't know you could do that. You have--it seems--let your fear choreograph it all, making you miserable for weeks beforehand and then mysteriously relenting when you actually fly, only to return with a vengeance before the next flight. That makes it seem like it's a monster beyond our control cruelly toying with us.

I suspect that part of your anxiety revolves around the decision to get on the plane or to bail. Once you're in the air, there's no turning back, so you can accept whatever is going to happen and the fear backs off. This is territory to be explored--wrestling with the decision to fly and its relationship to your anticipatory anxiety. It's a common phenomenon, and it was also true for me when I hated to fly but before I quit flying (all history; I love it now). There are subtle things in all of this to discover about ourselves, and I believe some of these things can, when discovered, really blow holes in our fear--if recognized and kept in conscious awareness.

A phobia is a very strong, subtle deception--a Trickster. The more things we throw at it unsuccessfully (especially cancelled flights), the more complex its structure becomes as it eats up our feeble weaponry and then uses it against us. One of its strategies seems to be that we forget from one flight to the next what actually went on in our minds as we went through the flight--unless what we remember is being afraid. That, it magnifies and uses as a threat: "remember how scared you were last time? You will be even more scared this time :eek:!!"

To put it simply: we are being tricked, and we need to trick it back. There are things about tricking the Trickster that are common to most or all fearful fliers, and also things that will be highly individual. You need the common tricks (the rubber band is great, more in a minute) and you need the personal ones. Finding your personal ones will seem at first like serendipity--you stumble on a fact or a phrase or some magical thing out of the blue and you get relief, seemingly for no reason.

There is always a reason. Write down the relief experience and the image/thought that triggered it! It may not even matter whether you understand the reason. You have found a trick to use. A tiny one, perhaps, but as you map these, you will start to recognize patterns.

OK, the rubber band...

Have you been to this site?

http://www.anxieties.com ? It's the best site I know of online for an anxiety education and a huge arsenal of effective trickery. The rubber band (thought-stopping) is most effective when combined with postponement and worry time. Research those on this site! Ask us if you can't find them or need suggestions in using them.

You sound discouraged by the fact that these techniques only seem to work for a few days. Can you clarify what you mean by that? Do you mean that after a few days of regularly employing this or that technique, the technique stops working, and so you feel that it was a blind alley? The fear ate it up? My guess is that you need a bigger weapon, or a better strategy involving the one you have.

I will have to take issue with the suggestion that your online research should be equated with a "compulsion". If it gives you temporary relief, that means it helps. If you've read through the archives here you know that many people have come to Taking Flight terrified, and with the help and support they got here, flew successfully, made a major breakthrough and continued on to overcome their fear. The Internet is a rather new frontier for self-help of this kind, and those of us involved in communities like this are still finding our way. Some FoF sites are almost completely ineffective, in my view, because all they do is encourage commiseration. Here, we do the work. And it is work.

Captain Stark's OCD story is a great one. He was able to turn his budding anxiety around and take control of it. Taking control of our feelings is what this "cure" is all about. The pilots can fly the airplane; we simply have to relax and trust them. Even during takeoff, turbulence, and landing. I can do that now; it comes with practice.

In closing, practice is not simply flying again and again as a fearful passenger. That, without deliberate work, tends to make the fear worse. We become more sensitive to smaller stimuli. We go from hating it and doing it anyway to becoming grounded :cry: (that happened to me; did it happen to you?).

Practice means flying armed to dismantle the fear, loaded with trickery to stop it in ways large and small, to keep stopping it until stopping it becomes a well-established habit, and beyond that, becomes second-nature such that we don't have to work at it anymore. That does require a chunk of flying, but...:lol: that's a wonderful thing to do!!!

[dieube]

First of all, I want to say thank you all for spending your valuable time to support me. Especially Aerobat, when I open up your message today, we found it is so touching to see your reply with your analysis and all your suggestions for me (I was reading your reply with my wife and she is very impressed as well). In fact, I found your suggestions are even more useful and powerful than my psychologist's!!

I totally agree that I tend to forget the details of my past flights because they were uneventful and I only remember the ones that made me scare (such as the flight during thunderstorm). And I can't agree more that the fear back off once I am inside the plane! So I will start writing up my journal and I will try to digest your suggestions and personalize it!

These days, I find it frustrated because most of the techniques (such as watching take off videos, imagination, and etc.) that I have been trying don't seems to work as effective anymore. Especially in the morning, I can always feel my heart is pounding violently but when I count the heart beats it is normal (about 70 pulses per minute). My psychologist said that is the anxiety making me focus on the heart beats. Now, my feeling is a mix with anxiety and depression. but reading all your replies have really cheer me up!!:cheers:

My psychologist told me that my fear is the obsession and the research is the compulsion, and part of her suggested treatment is to treat my OCD symptoms. I do question about it too, since the research has been helping me for years and I told her I can' t stop doing it since it does helped me to ease my anxiety.

I am going to bed now, and I will begin to work on your suggestions and will update all of you my progress. Hopefully, others will find my case usually in the future! Thanks again for your support:wave:!!

[dieube]

Forgot to state that my flight is on this coming Saturday (the 26th). For the last few days, I have been practicing all of the techniques which have been helpful.

The rubber band (thought-stopping), a number of blues on my wrist :(
The breathing and muscle relaxation technique
The exposure (watching take off and landing at youtube)
Reading informational post
Tracking flight and watch Airport activities
But the problem seems like the closer the date to the flight, the less effective they are. I am not sure is it because of the fear level goes up lately. But the fear is making me feel more depress as well.

Also, I have been reviewing my emotional response from last few weeks trying to find ways to attach my fear. Where I found some of the causes of my fear did came from a friend of mine who always focus on the accidents (he has FoF as well). Where the information learning factor causing me more fear than before and left me with more imagination of possibilities of what might happen. So my suggestions to the others are NOT TO LEARN TOO MUCH:eek:!!! The information provided by the members here are very useful, such as the truth about turbulence. But when my friend told me about what he learnt and triggered me to find information online that can sooth my nerves. (such as researching for the emergency plan for all engine failure). Then it becomes a more difficult for me to fight the fear where I spent most of my time on research about all types of safety information (~10 hrs per day during those 2 weeks)! And it took me days to book my flight since I want to make sure the exact flight in that Airline is not an old plane…

Now I will continue to try those techniques, please let me know if you have any suggestions! Thank you!

[AZ_to_AU]

It sounds like you are a big "what-if" person. You like to analyze and problem solve or like to improve on something that may already be in excellent condition (in everyday life).
Just a hunch from what I read. So now reverse that onto yourself. What can you do to improve your own situation? Improve on lowering your AA?

I find that I talk outloud to myself about what I'm about to do. I say things out loud in the shower, in the car, or where-ever. Stuff like... "I can do this. I'll be just fine. Sure it's natural to be a little nervous, I'm allowed to be a little nervous but I'm fine." Then I switch on the excitement part....
"I'm going to Australia!!!! YEAH!! OMG AUSTRALIA!!! "
The fears.......... disappear!
I'm 2 days away now... right now I feel just a weensy teensy bit of anxiety... nervous... I'm SOOO sure the day OF I'll be a basket case!! BUT!! I won't let myself be!

Don't let yourself get nervous... don't "beat up" yourself with a rubberband. BREATHE! Think of the reason to be on the plane. Think of your destination! :happyguy:

[aerobat]

Hi, Dieube,

Since you have a supportive spouse, why don't the two of you do Worry Time? You can read about it on anxieties.com. The gist of it is this:

Anxiety is neurochemical. Exhaust the supply of chemicals driving it and it will fade. It will likely come back, yes, but you will have learned something very important in the process of wallowing in your flying fears until they wear out.

Please read about it on the site and consider doing it twice a day. Postpone your worries in the meantime (after snapping the rubber band); tell them you'll deal with them at XYZ time (and that's when you wallow in them for 5 minutes--10 max).

Pay attention. Recognizing once and for all what this fear is about can be very empowering.:thumbsup:

AZ_to_AU, it sounds like you are right on track and doing great. :tiphat:I do not think it's all going to come apart on the day you fly. On the contrary; I think you are going to have the definitive proof you've been hoping for that all your preparation is making a big difference.:)

That's what my crystal ball says, anyway.

[Smiler:)]

I'm flying in the next few days and here are a few of the things I've been thinking about. I don't know if any of these will help you but they just might so I thought I'd write them down anyway :)

1) I think of all the exciting places I'm going to get to see once I can do this. Literally anywhere in the world!!
2) I recite things over and over in my head like little mantras. You can pick anything thats good for you to make you feel better.
3) This is the big one for me. The people I love and admire most in the world fly. People I look up to professionally travel all over the world to expand their knowledge and talent. I want to be like them.
4) There's an old saying - This too shall pass. Even if you hate flying, even if every second on the plane is horrible, time passes and it will be over and you will be safely at your destination. It's a few hours in comparison to days or weeks of a great experience.

I hope that helps. You sound like you're trying very hard to be brave and that is its own reward I think. I bet you get on the plane and after about ten minutes you think "what was I worrying about?"

[dieube]

Thank you smiler for your techniques, and I will try to incorporate them into my own list! Yes, I have been try really hard to cope with the fear and my psychologist said that I am "desperate" to overcome this fear of flying.

There are 3 more days and it is my flight day. When ever I think about the 20 hrs flight, I feel kind'a sick:mg:. But something strange is that I don't have racing hearting beat but my I can feel my heart is "POUNDING" at a normal speed. which does bug me most of the time during these days. I tried the breathing technique but it doesn't seem to help. Is there any suggestions? Thank you!

[aerobat]

There are 3 more days and it is my flight day. When ever I think about the 20 hrs flight, I feel kind'a sick:mg:. But something strange is that I don't have racing hearting beat but my I can feel my heart is "POUNDING" at a normal speed. which does bug me most of the time during these days. I tried the breathing technique but it doesn't seem to help. Is there any suggestions? Thank you!

Hi, Dieube,

I have suggested you combine thought-stopping, postponement, and worry time.

Are you doing this? It's a very powerful triple-whammy method if done with determination. It will punch a hole:boxer: in your anticipatory anxiety and give you a big boost for the flight. :)

[dieube]

Yes, I scheduled 2 sessions of 10 minutes worry time, one in the morning and one at night.:thumbsup:

I visited my psychologist again yesterday where she used some new therapy on me and I feel much better but with a bit of confusion. Since is I don't feel the intense fear anymore but I can't convince that it is gone...since I have this intense fear for 13 years...:confused: Especially during my worry time this morning. I repeated so many times about the things that I got me freak out before, but I don't feel the fear anymore. I hope it is not temporary and I will update you with my progress! Thank you so much!!!

[aerobat]

So what's the secret magic stuff you got, dieube? :confused: Tell us!!:lol:

Know what?
The time for anticipation is almost over, and that will sometimes by itself deflate the anticipatory anxiety.

Know what else?

The fading of symptoms before the flight is often a genuine indication that all one's hard work is changing things beneath the surface. Trust this!! You won't have the proof until you fly, but just trust the process! :thumbsup:

[dieube]

Hi Aerobat, the treatment is called EMDR. Even the psychologist said that she can guarantee it is going to work but she will try different methods since I am too desperate to overcome the fear.

I am still doing the "Homework" you taught me and the overall fear is now much lower and I feel more like nervous than fear right now. So I know at least one the techniques is working or all the techniques works together (I believe this is the case). I still feel nervous when I think about the flights, especially when I think of the 20 hours in the cabin ... :cry:But at least I am not feeling the intense anxiety that made me cried before!!:)

So, 2 more days to go! Hopefully, I will feel even better by the time I depart!! Hopefully the weather will be good too!!