Habitual Anxiety

[noflyingfan]

It seems that most of us have the biggest problem with everything BEFORE the plane, the anticipatory stuff. So...I thought maybe we could have a thread about what we all do to deal with that anxiety, besides worrying ourselves off the plane.

I let myself worry "just enough." If I push the worrisome thoughts out of my mind, then they become like the big white elephant. I have dreams about airplanes, and if I don't crack eventually, my frustration and anxiety will come out in other ways, and I'll drive everyone around me crazy, because I get cranky and moody and just mean.

I do try to find things to take my mind off of flying, things to keep myself occupied. Work helps, because hey, just because I won't be here doesn't mean a paper doesn't have to go out, so I have to stockpile so my editors don't hate me. And I try to take a couple of good hard runs so that I relax...and so I don't feel guilty about not running while I'm away, because as hard as it is to get motivated at home, it's even harder when you're on vaca.

And as silly as it sounds, I like to watch TV and movies about airplanes. Not the scary stuff (I'd never watch Final Destination before a flight), but things like Airline on A&E or the movie Airplane. Then, when I get to the airport, I'm not thinking about crashing, I'm thinking "Cockpit, what is it? It's the little room in the front of the plane where the pilot sits, but that's not important right now."

[Passenger Mark]

Good idea...

Before a flight, I just make my mind up that I am going, so there is no sense in worrying about it. HA... easier said than done. But I just go on with the daily activities as normal.

One thing that started doing... and it really helps a lot... is to plan something after the flight... beyond the flight.

For instance, the weekend after my flight back from England I had a beach campout planned. That gave me something to focus on.

If it is airline/aircraft that I am not familar with, I read up on it. Can find about anything on the internet. I also watch the "Airline" type shows.

[jzinky]

Hey guys. Being a day away from a flight, I am doing many of the above things. Actually, I have found that watching little tv before a flight is helpful because the less network news I see, the less stressed I get. They can really pour it on, can't they?

And I too, am much better once I get on the plane. So I have been trying to think about that right now. Trying to think about the fact that deep down...and don't tell anyone I said this...I actually LIKE the sensation of taking off! :O Shocker. So I am focusing on actually being in the seat and ENJOYING myself for a change. I hope.

I leave tomorrow. NERVES are under control, but bubbling below the surface. While I type this, my hand is shaking a little. But I know I can do it!!!!!!!!! I KNOW I CAN.

Thanks for everything, Julie

[StPeteMark]

PMark: "One thing that started doing... and it really helps a lot... is to plan something after the flight... beyond the flight."

GREAT IDEA!!! For me, it's usually a fun thing to do when we get there. :wired

If it's been awhile since the last flight, I go to the airport at lunch time several days before to start desensitizing...the sights, the noises, the smells, and to get familiar with the surroundings. It has a great calming affect for the day of the flight. :nod

StPeteMark :airplane

[Debbielevis2]

Boy, ain't that the worst, huh? I keep trying to tell myself that the anticipation is so much worse than the actual flight. And it IS!

My last flight(s) just a week ago was the best I've encountered. I'm beginning to think that it's definitely a matter of flying more frequently. Usually, I've got 3 or 4 months between flights. Lately, it's one or two months, and I can absolutely say it's better.

BUT, when I do feel the anxiety kick in, I've been trying to focus less on the flight itself and more on the destination. F'rinstance: rather than saying, "Oh, God - tomorrow at this time, I'll be on a plane!", I'm doing, "Oh boy! Tomorrow night at this time, I'll be having dinner with Nick (baby boy)". I'm looking at the flight more as a mode of transport, rather than part of the trip itself.

Sorta like when you're on your way to work. You don't say, "Bye honey -- I'm leaving to get in the car, drive for a half hour and go to work!" You simply say, "Bye honey! Off to work!" Right?

Hey, dumb blonde, maybe -- but, it works for me!

Debbie

[beaugest]

I really like this thread because it really does show how "one size doesn't fit all..." What works for one may or may not work for someone else so the more we brainstorm the better.
Deb, I also visualize myself getting off the plane rather than focusing on the ride. That really helps. It works better if I'm getting off the plane in Florida rather than Newark but hey still picturing me walking off works...
I think when our mind starts running with the anxiety we have to quickly start talking ourselves down. That's where techniques like making an appointment with your anxiety,relaxation techniques, yelling stop or distracting yourself work. We have often talked about how FOF are very creative people. The trick is to not let our imaginations run away with fearful thoughts but to get creative and problem solve how to stop the anxiety.
There's a quote I like that seems to fit FOF. It's by Anais Nin. "Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one's courage." When we start thinking of ways to avoid the flights(if anyone needs creative avoidance ideas I can really come up with them...) we should think "Am I really going to feel better if I avoid this trip." The short term answer may be Yes but the long term is usually NO. When you think about it the reason we avoid something is because we think it will create discomfort if we don't avoid it. The irony is that by avoiding flying we create discomfort for ourselves. We get angry,disappointed or frustrated with ourselves if we avoid a flight.
I know this isn't very concrete but I have seen that people who are successful in fighting their anxiety have really learned different ways of talking to themselves. Or in Deb's case of talking to their IF :anon
So, the more techniques we come up with here the better.:idea

[Debbielevis2]

Monica hit the nail on the head here.

Her "would I feel better if I avoid the flight" thingy. ("thingy" is a relatively new psycho-babble term)

Anyway, I remember waaaaaay back when (actually about 28 years ago) when my Dad died. I had quit smoking. I was standing outside the funeral home and asked someone for a cigarette. Someone who knew I'd been "off" them for almost a year. She said to me, "If I thought giving you a cigarette would bring your father back, I'd do it. I don't think it's going to help change the situation or the fact that you've got to accept that he's gone, though." I never, ever forgot that. Ever.

Same goes with our fear. As far as I'm concerned, the fear doesn't really go away; we just learn to live with it. What's different about it now is that I refuse to give in to it. I will NOT let it run my life. I will NOT sit on the sidelines and watch my life race by me, wishing I did things differently. Uh-uh, not me, nope, no way Jose.

See you in the skies, kids! I'll be there, and so will you.

Love,

Deb

[xiknal]

Monica said:

There's a quote I like that seems to fit FOF. It's by Anais Nin. "Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one's courage."

Erika's segue in the Club Room about stapling jello to a brick notwithstanding...yep, some days down here on the ground are just like that :( ...

...I really have come to appreciate the immense value of courage in my life. Elsewhere I posted the poem by Amelia Earhart that begins, "Courage is the price that life exacts for granting peace".

It also seems to me that many people long for opportunities to find courage in their everyday lives, because we are generally so comfortable, with all basic needs met, and we live in a prosperous and secure society compared to people in many parts of the world. We are still hardwired to be hunter-gatherers facing predators :troll and living on the edge, but all we hunt and gather is available at the grocery store and the mall.

And the predators tend to be creditors (just had to throw that in) :lol

But everyone must find courage occasionally, especially when a loved one passes away. Deb's story is very poignant in that regard (thanks, Deb, I won't forget that either).

One way of looking at this path we are on as recovering fearful fliers is: it is a--dare I say--magnificent opportunity to find courage! Just because a lot of normal, nonphobic fliers out there don't appreciate what we go through to get on a plane, this does not diminish in the least the courage we have to muster to rise above the fear. And when we do it...well, wow!! just listen to what we say afterward! Read, for example, what invert29 (Chris) wrote after his recent flight to LAX about how good it felt to face such intense fear and fly anyway! There is something really deep and important, even ennobling, happening here, and its value spills out into the rest of our lives immediately. :dragonslayer

My own experience has been that the fear can go away. It did for me, and I had it bad. I will speak only for myself, recognizing that we are all different in some ways. I can guess that our fears are differently rooted, differently entangled with other things in our lives and psyches, revolve(d) around different things--all this in spite of our enormous common ground--like anticipatory anxiety and trying to persuade ourselves that it would be more comfortable to cancel. :run

I cancelled; I bailed at the airport. Several times in remote places.:cry

Thankfully, either by accident or divine design (dunno which) I discovered what we can get from other people. My illusion of specialness was my biggest FoF problem.

I think now about how Chris' wife looked him in the eye and persuaded him to find courage. Sometimes that's all that lies between bailing and flying--someone else reminding us about what really matters here. :thumbsup

Barb

[Passenger Mark]

Barb... I'm sorry... you have completely lost me.

Erika's segue in the Club Room about stapling jello to a brick notwithstanding...

and living on the edge, but all we hunt and gather is available at the grocery store and the mall.

I have read your post three times, and gone over to the club room...

I'm sorry, I really am... I just don't understand.

I am a stupid male, I know, but can you say things in a way that I can get?

Thanks,

Mark

[xiknal]

p197.ezboard.com/ffearoff...D=38.topic (http://p197.ezboard.com/ffearofflying16582frm13.showMessage?topicID=38.top ic)

Now you know all I know about this metaphor for life! For more, might want to query Erika.

As for traditional hunting and gathering, consider the nomadic bands of people (Indians) who lived here in the pre-European contact days. Anthropologists would refer to them as 'hunter-gatherers' in terms of economics and social structure.

Not the sorts of folks who'd find much of interest in Reality TV :lol

[noflyingfan]

I just think the imagery of trying to staple jello to a brick is funny. Plus the quote is relevant to fear of flying. Some days, you can get on a plane and it's fine, and it's just like old hat, or even enjoyable. And others, no matter what you do, you just can't bring yourself to get on the plane, or if you do, you can't relax no matter how hard you try.