Flying Help?

[sem512]

Hello everyone. I just found this website and registered. I am suprised to find others with the same concerns as myself. I'm hoping someone can give me some sugestions on my situation. Sorry if it's long, I've never really talked much about this to anyone (due to avoiding it).

I have never been on an airplane. Growing up I never had the opportunity and somehow it turned into a fear. I am also afraid of bridges with structual components if that makes sense. I have to plan travelling to avoid bridges and recently my best friend moved to an area only accessible by a huge bridge and it's hard to decline every invitation to visit.
It has been relativley easy to avoid flying. I have driven 15+ hours to get to far away places if needed and thankfully all my immedaite family is nearby. After my wedding I had to talk my husband into a honeymoon in Canada so I wouldn't have to fly. I've missed out on some interesting vacations but it was well worth it. However, recently I was offered an amazing job which is perfect except that I would have to fly (only a 1 time thing) to the west coast to attend a convention. I know it's time to get help because I don't want to pass up this opportunity due to something so irrational but I'm terrified. I want to take action because I hate my current job and it's a terrible situation. My husband suggested going on a sort of practice, shorter flight for a mini-vacation beforehand and I'm freaking out. To those of you who have gotten through this, did you seek therapy, meds,etc? I've use Valium to get over a bride once and its helped but surely wouldn't be enough for a flight. Also i am terrified of setting off some sort of terrist "Red flag" if I start to have a panic attack and its interperted as suspicious behavior or something like that!
To be specific my fear of flying is realted mostly to being control. I feel I need to be in control of getting on/off something at any time. I am also afraid of being in an enclosed space for a period of time with no "escape". Also I know this is silly but as an RN I'm terrfied someone will have a medical situation arrise and I'll be the only person with medical training and I'll fail to have the correct equipment, etc.. aboard to save them.
Just posting all this has been very difficult.
Any ideas, tips anyone has would be greatly appreciated!
Thanks!

[Lynda]

Hi and welcome to Takingflight, I am glad you found us. I too am a Registered Nurse in the UK and have also had the same fears.

I have mostly got over my fear of flying with the exception of turbulence. My way will not suit everyone and each person needs to find out what will work for them.
I faced the fear head on and made a concious decision to get on the plane and stay there come what may!!
I cried the first few times but gradually it got easier. The real breakthrough was when I found this group of people quite a few years ago now. I gained knowledge about the way planes stayed in the air, safety issues and things that make weird noises.
Feel free to talk about all your concerns and fears, we are here to help.
The medical emergency fear is really nothing to fear, I had to deal with this once. There have been lots of times when the cabin crew have asked for a doctor and usually one is on the plane, it is only when there are no doctors do they go for the nurse.
You can only do your best in these situations and remember that you have more knowledge than anyone else on board but you are not a doctor, we are trained nurses and can advise and in some situations we may be able to maintain cardiac and respiratory output for a time with help from cabin crew who are trained in CPR.

[EyesSkyward]

I am also afraid of bridges with structual components if that makes sense.

I'm no expert or anything, but you'll find other fearful fliers who are also afraid of bridges. And I think the two fears are probably manifestations of the same underlying things. (Lack of trust, tendency to inflate perceived risk, etc.)

So... I don't know... maybe you could talk about bridges too, especially since you have more experience with them than with planes. What about them--specifically--gives you anxiety? What do you think will happen, and what do you feel will happen, when you cross them? Are these reactions similar to how you feel about planes?

- Jeff

P.S. Interestingly, from a statistical standpoint, you're actually more safe taking a bridge than in going out of your way to avoid it to get to the same spot. That's because you expose yourself to more accident risk the more miles you drive. The bridge doesn't add nearly enough extra risk (practically none, really) to make up for the added miles.

Same with planes, of course. Driving 15 hours is much less safe than flying the equivalent distance on a commercial airline. Of course, I'm sure you knew that already. If mere statistics helped, this site wouldn't exist. :D

[aerobat]

Hi, Sem,

I would like to jump with all fours "out of the box" and into a seemingly radical approach to this thing for you, OK? :) It's not that radical, and you will be very much in control of it.

You are afraid of bridges...so...can you do this:

Make a list of ten bridges that would be available to you, either for driving or walking across, and rank them numerically (with 1 being the easiest, 10 being the scariest) according to level of anxiety. Take into consideration any short ones that aren't very high that cross small streams.

You don't need to go out to them yet. Just make a list. Perhaps friends or your husband can help you with this.

Now, go to this site:

www.anxieties.com

...and spend a whole day there if you can, soaking up an education about phobias, anxiety, and panic. You will likely find much there that is useful about and applicable to your fear of bridges.

You will also find discussion of a number of anxiety-reducing techniques, and you can start working with some of these by visualizing bridges and then reducing your heart rate and other symptoms.

Now see what you can do about finding a "buddy" for your work. This might be your husband or a friend. You will want to familiarize them with your plan for desensitizing to bridges; send them to the anxieties.com site and let them catch up. Then you can work together to craft a plan to drive to/across the easiest bridges first. You may, if possible, want to park nearby and walk across them, knowing you can retreat whenever necessary, and also knowing you can stop in the middle and get used to being there.

Work with the Level 1 and 2 bridges until you experience a noticeable drop in your anxiety. And also...keep working with the anxiety-reducing exercises provided on anxieties.com. You will likely see that these really help. Once you get going with this, tell us the details, because we can help you tailor your program.

The objective isn't to completely overcome your fear of bridges and go seeking out those 10s solo (but that could happen in the future); it's to provide you something you can work on in manageable chunks while you develop your repertoire of counterphobic techniques. Once you have this, and have seen real progress with bridges, you will have both confidence and proficiency for making the transition to working on your fear of flying. We can help you with that also.

I had help from a professional anxiety specialist when I got over my fear of flying, but there are plenty of people who have done well on their own. If you have not yet seen a therapist for your bridge phobia, though, I think it would be an excellent idea. You'll want an anxiety specialist.

Please go here: http://www.adaa.org

...to find a list of anxiety specialists. Hopefully there is one near you. You'll see that their featured commentary--in the wake of the Minneapolis tragedy--is about 'crossing bridges' Undoubtedly this event has sensitized a lot of people and may have made your fear worse, but you can still push through it.

Barb:)