I need help

[canoga]

I've already sent an SOS to Huey but I thought I would ask for help here.

Mike is going to make the reservations for the LA trip this weekend. The trip sounds fun - 2 days in Disneyland :mickey , sunshine, warm temps.....but to get there, I have to get on a @#$#%@# plane.

I don't think I can do it, guys.

When I got back from the cruise, I was so freaking happy to not have any flights scheduled.

Now, I went and scheduled another one. You see, my FOF does not match well with my love for travel.

Since we are going to start the paperwork for a third adoption next year, I knew another killer flight to China was in my path. But, like labor pains, I pushed it out of my head. Now I am staring at a flight in 3.5 months.

My heart is racing just thinking about it.

I'm trying to concentrate on how many flights Ray will have between now and then and that for him, it is just another workday. BUT, I'm gonna barf just thinking about the smell of jet fuel :barf

I feel like my whole Christmas is ruined with this darn thing hanging over my head. I also feel that this will be my last Christmas and that I am putting my daughters in harm's way (not just in harm's way but putting them in a situation where the odds of them dying are much, much higher than the odds of them surviving).

I think I'm gonna cry. How can I do this to my girls?

Irrationally yours,
Beth

[WillFlyToDisney2]

Awwwwww hugs, Beth! :grouphug

The anticipatory anxiety is the worst part. You have come to the right place for support. Try tracking your flight over and over and over again so you can see that it does take off and land safely every single day and that the day you are on the plane it is no different.

Also concentrate on the JOY that your girls will have going to see MICKEY MOUSE. :mickey Wow. (Want me to send you our Disney pictures for inspiration? lol) Instead of obsessing over the flight, go online and look at brochures for the 2 parks there and map out which things you want to take the girls to (despite your best laid plans you still will spend all day in Fantasyland!).

Kelley
p.s. tell Huey he is missing a great "hookers and Ken" thread!

[canoga]

But Kelley, I'm taking the girls! How can I put them in that amount of danger? I want to just keep them in their room, pad all of the sharp corners and keep them safe forever.

Okay, that sounded a bit Joan Crawford-ish but you know what I mean (NO MORE WIRE HANGERS!!!!)

I'm supposed to PROTECT the girls. Not put them on airplanes.

I wish Ray would get a job with Continental - HEY, that reminds me. Aren't you buds with a Continental pilot? Wasn't he in chat? Where is he now? Can he tell me that CLE to LAX is a fantastically safe route, that he does it hundreds of times a year, that there is no danger, that he would put his family on it any day of the week.....

I'm rambling. I do that when I am nervous.

[Passenger Mark]

Beth,

That is great that you are thinking about ALL the EVERYDAY flights that Ray makes. I do that also!

You know... it is an old suggestion, but maybe go to the airport and watch all the planes go and come, and all the people go and come.

It does show just how "normal" all of this is.

And... I like you, HATE the smell of jet fuel! Maybe airlines could put "plug-ins" on the planes to mask it!

You will do fine just like you have in the past. Whether it is Disneyland, or the Adoption... keep the goal in mind, realizing that the flight is just a step to obtain that goal.

If it would help, I would be glad to meet yall at the airport in California to welcome and congratulate you. Just give me a few days notice. Lunch will be on me!

Take care,

Mark

[noflyingfan]

Okay, this is going to sound weird, but maybe this will help.

You're adopting a child from China. (And your girls are from China as well, do I have that right?) Probably almost the first thing you did when you adopted those girls is get on a plane with them, right? Yet you did it, why? Because you want to give that child a good life, a better life than she would have had if you hadn't come onto the scene. In that scenario, the airplane is the thing that takes that child to his or her new life with your family! That airplane isn't putting your child in danger; it's taking your child (and you) into a new and exciting time!

As for the California trip, focus on the good things you'll get to do when you go there. I know the trip isn't all for pleasure, but it is an important trip, one you'll be sorry if you don't take.

I understand those horrifying feelings, those "last Christmas" type feelings. I have felt them too. And most of us who have FOF do too, as a matter of fact. You're not psychic, you're just scared.

(Don't worry too much about the Joan Crawfordness. I think that's par for the course when you're a mom, isn't it? Only start worrying when you actually start putting padding on the walls).

[WillFlyToDisney2]

Yes, Beth, my friend Captain Bill flies the 737 for Continental. What dates are you flying? I know the chances are slim but I can ask him if he is by any chance on that route that day.

You are not putting your kids in harm's way. If you were telling your kids to go play in traffic or something like that then YES but not by getting on an airplane. Heck, what day's are you going? I wouldn't HESITATE to put my 2 on a plane and fly them from CHS to LAX for a few days at Disney. Yes I would be nervous about them flying and YES I would worry that if something went wrong that it would be all my fault BUT you know the statistics. You are soooo much safer on an airplane than in a car. Every day that you put them in a car and drive them to school you are putting them at far greater risk then you are by putting them on a plane to go see Mickey. I promise you that the most dangerous part of your trip is the drive from LAX to Anaheim!!!

We live in the age of flight. I want my kids to grow up experiencing air travel and knowing that it is a normal part of life now.

What's your email, Beth? I'm pulling out the heavy ammunition and sending you pix of my kids at Disney! ;)

Kelley

[canoga]

Kelley - I PMed you.

I will probably fly on 3/29 from CLE to LAX.

Everytime I pre-meet the pilot on that route, I pray I don't have the one where I was so doped up with anti-anxiety meds, I inappropriately giggled throughout his explanation of how safe the flight was. I looked like a complete and utter fool! :loco

[beaugest]

Come on Beth, change that station in your head...
You are not putting your kids in danger. You are opening their lives up to wonderful adventures. You are showing them that one can work on their anxieties and move forward.
One of the advantages I have with my kids getting older is realizing the amount of situations that come about where you really, really want to lock them in that room. (I mean they have very nice rooms why shouldn't they be happy there).
My 17 year old is coming to Israel with me. I'm worried about the flight, I'm worried about the country itself.
But I'm also worried that she is driving herself home from school today. Honestly, with the way she drives that it is a much more real concern than the flight...:beep
But do I forbid her to ever get beyond the wheel of a car(someone say Yes because I really want to)?
Do I follow through on my threat to stay in the dorm room next to hers next year when she goes to college so I can protect her from sex,drugs and rock and roll???:band
Beth, this is a really good time to start dealing with the protectiveness because it's not just about flying it's about the difficulty letting those we love more than anything else take some "risks" in life.
But think what your life would be if you weren't willing to take risks. I've worked with clients that are terrified to adopt. Think of the loss experienced there. And your incredible gain because you took the risk,got on that plane and enriched all your lives.
Do me a favor,remind me of all this when it's my turn to flip out at the end of the month.
I'll get on that plane and so will you!!! Mon

[JPenny]

Hugs to you, and empathy, too, Beth!!! (By the way, my favorite sister is named Beth, so I'm already partial to you. :) )

I have been the most protective mother in the world. I feel your pain!!! My heart's desire has always been to have children. It took a long time to conceive the first one, and then we lost it at three months. When I finally was blessed with our first child, I was immediately terrified by how much I loved her, and knew for the first time in my life that I was capable of murder if anyone laid a finger on my baby!!! I had nightmares about something happening to her. Mother-love is terrifying because it is so strong. Twenty years ago, my pastor's wife went into a fire-filled room to carry out her 2-year-old who had opened a gas can. That is living proof of a mother's love. (Both survived, but with very long recoveries. The daughter recently took a trip to Africa with some missionaries--think of her mother's worries about her during THAT trip!)

All that to say: One of the hardest lessons of motherhood is learning that YOU CAN'T PROTECT THEM. You do your best, but ultimately their survival depends on their Creator. When my 10 year old son goes hurtling down the road on his bike (with helmet), I have to turn away because I'm so afraid he's going to wipe out. But I can't stop him at every turn from doing the things that will help him grow and have fun. I have to trust something bigger than myself to do what's best for him.

This trip to CA is a great opportunity to have wonderful family time with your daughters. Think of the pictures you'll have in the photo album for years to come! Think of the sense of accomplishment that you did not let your FOF stop you from living life to the fullest. And it's one more "class session" for you as you learn ways to cope with your fear.

Sorry to ramble on so long--but I hope you'll go for it, and for the next three months work on building your knowledge and preparing for the flights. After your adoption adventures, this oughtta be cake!

Jean

[Debbielevis2]

Beth

I should be the LAST one to tell you to "relax". I know you can't.

But, what I can do is share a lot with you. The girls. Well, I have three sons (grown now), and for the 18 years of my self-grounding, my husband took them to Disney, The Grand Canyon, Nashville, California and Canada. By PLANE. With me waving g'bye at the airport. Beth, I had NO DOUBT at all that flying was perfectly safe for them. It was MY inability to get on the plane. I HATE how much I missed with them. Finally, I said, "NO MORE"! I got good and angry with, not myself, but the fear controlling my life. It was at that point that I buckled down and began controlling IT.

Beth, first thing to do is get that monster out of the closet, look at it, get angry with it, and put it away. I know you're angry - it comes across loud and clear. So, instead of just acknowledging it, work with it! It's very, very powerful, so use it to your advantage.

Since learning to deal (I feel somewhat a Fearful Flyer Poster Child), I've flown many, many times - alone - from Boston to Phoenix. From Boston to Florida. The anticipation is just horrid, but once I admit it's there, it takes a back seat.

My usual trips are to PHX to visit my son. So, now rather than saying, "Oh @#%$ - tomorrow at this time, I'll be on a plane!" and doing the pity-poor-me thing, I've switched it to, "Whoo-hoo!! Tomorrow night, I'm having dinner with Nick!" I'm now looking at flying as no more than a means of transportation to get me where I want to be.

I think I used this somewhere else, but when you're going out for dinner, or going to work, do you say, "Oh, now I have to get in the car, drive, spend 8 hours at work, get back in the car and drive home."? Nope. You say, "Gotta get up and get to work" The TRANSPORTATION to get to work/market/dinner doesn't even come into play.

Think of Ray, flying 3 or 4 days a week, more miles in a week than you or I will fly in a year! Capt Steve's schedule this week was Detroit to Chicago to Los Angeles to Dallas to New York to Dallas to L.A. to Chicago to Detroit. Blows my mind. He doesn't even give it a thought.

Beth, I know this has gone on wa-a-a-ay too long. Lean on us, okay?

Debbie

[WillFlyToDisney2]

Thanks, Deb, now I have that song going thru my head...

Lean on me, when you're not strong....

Kelley

[noflyingfan]

Kelley, the antidote for that is at www.gunthernet.com.