Dealing with an unexpected flight . . .

[JPenny]

My grandmother in Phoenix is 93, and is failing. She hasn't "been there" for a while, so in a sense it's time. My problem is that when she does pass away, I will need to book a flight and fly in short order. I am concerned about how I will do in that situation. My last flight was VERY unpleasant for me, and I think it will take a great deal of mental gymnastics on my part to manage the flight well.

I'm not worried about getting on the plane. My pride will see to it that I get on, and hopefully remain normal-looking to others. But YOU all know the turmoil and inner distress that comes with this ailment.

Anyway, I just wanted to know if any of you infrequent flyers have faced this situation and could offer some advice. Thanks!

Jean in SC

[Passenger Mark]

Jean,

I have never had that situation. But I have had situations where I had my mind elsewhere when flying. Hard to explain, but it actually distracted me from flight anxiety.

Maybe some others will have a better answer, but I am thinking that perhaps that you will be focused on why you are going, and the flight will not be such a big deal. A perspective type of thing.

Mark

[WillFlyToDisney2]

Hugs, Jean!

I think quite honestly that you will be so concerned to get where you are going that your flight fears will take a backseat.

Buy me a ticket. I'll fly with ya! :)

Kelley
in SC too but would drive the 3 1/2 hours to Jean if she needed a flight buddy.

[ChiefAtHeart]

This happened to me a couple of years ago. My aunt passed away suddenly. My dad and I were her only relatives. So on very short notice I had to fly to Missouri to pick up my Dad and drive him to Iowa (where my aunt lived). I found that it really wasn't a bad way to fly because there was not time for the anticipatory anxiety to build and keep me upset for days before the flight. However, at that time, my fear of flying was not nearly as bad as it is now.

[beaugest]

Jean, I had a situation like that with my father-in-law. I was mellower about the flying then I thought for exactly the reason people mentioned---perspective.
However, I recognize that already being stressed can make it worse in some ways.
So, do exactly what you started to do by posting here ---gather up every resource you can before you get on that plane.
I've mentioned this before as a trick that works for kids but I use it for myself as well. When I travel away from my family we exchange 'gifts" that we will give back to each other when we see each other. It's cherished items. Sometimes, the items themselves make me smile and calm me. One time my youngest gave me her taco bell dog. So, there I am on the plane traveling by myself with a stuffed dog sticking out of my bag. Everytime I looked at it I cracked up.
It's a good reminder while you're flying of those you love and that you will be returning to them to return their items in person.
I know it's hard to take care of yourself when you're already stressed but it really does help to get on that plane as well fed, rested and calm as humanly possible under the circumstances.
You might also want to post on the tracking board. I enjoy knowing I have my on ground support team watching out for me...and we absolutely will be here thinking of you. Monica

[canoga]

Jean,

I have had pseudo similar experiences.

In Chinese adoptions, you are given a sort of time frame of when you will leave to go pick up your child. Granted, I had about 5 days notice (I didn't have to fly out the next day) but most of the arrangements were out of my control. My adoption agency worked with the Chinese consulates for Visas and such and I just showed up when I was told. Even though I had about a week to prepare, I didn't have much control over the specifics of the flights (seats, times, aircrafts, airports...)

How did I deal? I think the one thing that struck me was, this was the only way I was gonna get there. I had to just admit to myself that if I wanted to bring my baby home, I had to get on that plane. Another thing I did was buy a Beanie Baby and set it on my baker's rack in the kitchen. This sounds absolutely crazy but I kissed the Beany Baby and told it I would see it in 2 weeks. When I would get to close to absolute panic on the plane, I would visualize my Beanie Baby sitting safely in my kitchen at home. 'Going' to my kitchen in my mind was a soothing place to be and knowing that something tangible was there to focus on helped. Okay, do you want to admit me to the looney bin yet?

And yes, I gave that Beanie baby the biggest kiss when I got home. My parents and husband just stared at me.

[JPenny]

Thanks for the hugs, Kelley--I'd take you up on the flight buddy offer in a second, if only to get to know my friendly neighbor . . . but we'll be scraping bottom to get ME there! :)

Thanks, Beth, for the beanie-baby trick. I know exactly what you're talking about. Sometimes when I'm having a rough day (like when in-laws are visiting!), I visualize climbing into bed that night, knowing that at some point I WILL go to bed and the day will be over!

Thanks everyone else for your encouragment and ideas. When the time comes, I'll be PARKING here, you can be sure of that!!!

:cry :wired :type :medplane :hail :pompoms

Jean

[Strange333]

Jean,

Several years ago, while doing my student exchange in France, I had to fly back to Ohio on two days notice. The date was July 25, 2000 (if you don't know what that is don't look it up!).

I had to book a Northwest Airlines flight and it was on a DC-10. I hate those planes! I wasn't happy about any circumstances of this flight anyway and the plane, and airline, didn't help matters any.

I checked in, went through security, ect. I was waiting to board. Gearing myself up for this flight, just wondering if I could do it. The plane pulls up to the gate and I am looking out the window just hating it. At this point I started having a panic attach and I was hoping that the flight would be canceled. I was even thinking about maybe taking a ship to America (you can do that on cargo ships and sometimes even cruise liners).

Just about the time we were to start boarding they announced that our flight had been delayed! My worst fear, but greatest hope too. It only took a few minutes for word to start spreading through the passengers that something terrible had happened. (This was the days pre 9/11 and you could come and go into the gate areas as you pleased, passenger or not.)

After a while of waiting I went over to the shopping area. Looked at the big TVs and almost passed out! I couldn't believe what I was seeing! (I won't say it, but if you know the date you know what it was!)

I lost it! I ran out of the airport and just started running towards Paris. (No, I didn't take the Metro or a taxi and I don't know why.) Fight or Flight kicked in and I choose the flight option, sans airplane, of course. I ran like you wouldn't believe. When I finally got myself together and stopped I didn't even know where I was.

So here I am. Seventeen years old, in a foreign country, not knowing where I am and my great-aunt, with whom I was very close, was dying.

I am going to edit some of the details out and cut to the chase.

I find myself in a little cafe just agonizing over what to do. And, that is when it hit me. THE GREATEST TRUTH ABOUT FLYING! THE ONE AND ONLY THING THAT HAS ALLOWED ME TO FLY AND HAS OFTEN CALMED ME!

It was my choice and my choice ALONE to get on that plane. No one was making me and no one could make me. Not a dying aunt, not a funeral, not a loved one, no government, nothing. I wasn't being forced to do this. True some people would have been really, really angry if I wasn't there, but I don't have to answer to them!

The next day I went to the airport and got on the plane. A couple of times panic started to set in, but I would just tell myself, "I am here of my own free will, and I ALLOWED myself to be here because I know nothing bad is going to happen." It worked and has worked since then.

I hope this long winded story helps you. Just remember that no one is twisting your arm. You CAN tell them NO! But, you are not going to do that, because you know that nothing is going to happen. Hope it helps you like it helped me.

Nich:huey

[Amelia]

I'm dealing with a similar situation right now. My aunt died Thursday evening. She was a very special person in my life. There will be a memorial service on the 12th and we're going. I just booked the flight last night. I swore I wouldn't fly Continental again, but now I have to eat those words. My aircraft of choice is always the 737. I'll be on a 737 for two legs of the trip (one leg going and one coming back), but the other two legs are on a dinky plane...an RJ145 (again, one leg going and one coming back). I flew on one of those once and said never again. Once again, I'm eating those words. To make matters worse, going there I couldn't pick seats on the RJ145. I'm sure they're overbooked and I know they hold back seats in case a handicapped person needs the seat and of course, the exit row seats aren't assigned either. I'm very particular about where I sit. I didn't really get as far front as I wanted on all the other legs, but not knowing where I'm sitting at all on that darn RJ145 is freakin me out. I'm going to watch this week and hope seats open up and I can grab them. If not, my husband will be annoyed, but I'm going to want to go to the airport hours ahead of time (it's a 7:30 AM flight and we're an hour from the airport) so I can try and pick better seats on the 737 and hopefully, good seats will then be available on the RJ145. I'm definitely going on this trip. I've never canceled or gotten off a plane. It's just a comfort thing for me. I really like to be on an aisle and no more than three rows from an exit. It's why I always book early, but due to the circumstances I couldn't this time. I also realize that having all these conditions is a way I control things, but it works and I'm usually somewhat comfortable flying now. However, I'll be doing some quality worrying this coming week. The moral of the story...never say never.:nono Amelia