Advice Needed

[smiths7]

Hey everyone...

For those of you that do not remember my situation, I went on a plane for the first time when I was 18 from VA to FL. The flight was fine. Then I had the chance to the Bahamas and I backed out the night before (just this past Jan).

This upcoming Jan I have the chance to go to Vegas, free of charge with my boyfriend and his father. We will be 21 in Dec and it is sort of our presents.

I have been seeing a pyshcologist while I was at school about this fear although with working over the summer I do not have the time. Also, I have read all the books, the cds and whatnot.

I want to go on this trip very badly, I was wondering if anyone had any advice of things to begin doing now so that I can accomplish this task.

All advice is greatly appreciated.

Thanks Guys:tiphat:

[Lynda]

Samantha,

The one thing that helped me above all else to get back on the plane was becoming familiar with the airport.

Before my first few flight after being grounded for 10 years we visited the airport regularly for about 3 months. Sometimes we would go and just park as near to the airport as we could and just watch the planes. Other times we would go in to the airport and have coffee or a meal and just watch the planes.
I found it really helped me to realise how often planes took off and landed safely. I would look at the faces of passengers and realise this was just normal for them. Sometimes we would go to the airport everynight just to get use to sights sounds and smells, try it it really helps.:)

[smiths7]

Thanks for the advice...

I actually have been planning on going to the airport as my psychologist told me to that also, just have to find some free time to get there.

[mkahanek]

What in particular about flying bugs you? Maybe we can look at it that way and knock down those particular fears.

[smiths7]

Well...I dont like not being in control even though I know control is not what it really is...I dont like feeling trapped ( i dont like elevators either). My mom doesn't fly because she had an emergency foam landing from flying through a hurricane and that is what initially started my fear.

[mkahanek]

Actually you are in control. For everything but the actual flying itself. Your mind is tricking you a bit. I have the same issues (I take stairs when available and practical). You can beat this thing though. Don't supress the fear in the days leading up. Let yourself feel and express it, but work on it. Load yourself up with knowledge and tools such as proper breathing. Maybe even practice in some places. For instance if you were in houston I would suggest going downtown to the chase tower and taking the sky lounge elevator. While on it you can practice some breathing techniques to reduce the affects of anxiety. There is a lot you can do to prep. Or you can give me your ticket to vegas if that would help.:thumbsup: Just kidding.

[smiths7]

LOL. That was the reaction I got when I told everyone there was a free all paid ticket to the Bahamas.

Thanks for the advice!

[aerobat]

Hi, Samantha,

I will second mkahanek (Mark) about working with the anxiety rather than trying to suppress it. I also second Lynda, because it's an excellent confrontational strategy to hang out at the airport.

Please check out this site:

www.anxieties.com (http://www.anxieties.com)

and explore not only the fear of flying section, but the whole site, as it's an excellent education about anxiety. I fully believe that a good understanding of anxiety is an important early step on the path to overcoming it. I hope that your psychologist is providing that, and that s/he knows a lot about the latest research...because it's eye-opening.

The current thinking is that confrontational approaches work much better than the older approaches like breathing and relaxation. Techniques like paradox, worry time, feeling the fear/containing its intensity, then posing antidotes, working with some of the NLP methods such as "comfort zone" anchors--all of these help us take back control where it really matters: our emotions.

I am gathering that your mom's emergency landing and your development of FoF took place after your first flight. So, even though your first experience was fine, you don't have emotional access to it because there's this obstacle :troll: in the way.

It all makes sense to me, in terms of how anxieties develop. If it all makes sense to you, and you come to truly accept that your brain is tricking you as Mark has said, then it's time to pull out the counter-trickery. We can help you navigate to that.

Don't give that ticket away(or if you do, give it to me! :lol:)! In fact, fearful fliers make much faster progress when they are facing a flight--because that is the confrontation needed to go eye-to-eye with it and take back control of our feelings about flying.

You can do this, and we can help. :thumbsup:

Barb

[smiths7]

Thanks Barb...actually my Mom's incident occured before I was even born. As a result we never flew and she still does not fly. She has no urge to fly and doesn't care that she won't whereas I want to overcome this and be free to travel.

One thing that is helping me is that I remember how mad I was at myself when I didn't go to the bahamas with my boyfriend and I am using that as motivation.

I am also realizing that the only way to overcome this is to face the fear and get on the plane...(sounds good now but easier said then done:rolleyes:)

[aerobat]

Samantha,

Determination to face the fear and get on the plane is a very important ingredient. Without it, the work can stagnate.

But please realize that you don't have to go into it cold turkey. You can orchestrate your path to that big step of actually setting foot on the plane, and do some systematic dismantling of the monster well before you get there. So please check out the website I recommended and let us know what you are learning there. We're here to help you every step of the way. And some of these steps are very specific. The more specific we can become in looking at our fear, the easier it is to find the weak joints in the fear architecture. It's not a wall; it's a big pile of bricks and they can be pulled out one by one.

And then ten by ten, just watch! :)

[LuxEnuff]

Samantha, one thing that might help the issue of not being in control is nurturing the sense that you can trust the airline industry.

And rationally speaking I'm sure you already know that you can trust the airline industry. (If you don't, let us know and I'm sure we can bombard you with tons of info on why flying is a very safe thing to do.) It's more of a question of developing those feelings of trust.

To do that, in my case, I like to read pilots' and flight attendants' posts. I gain a great deal of confidence knowing that I'm in competent, intelligent, experienced hands. Maybe ask a question or two of Captain Hutch?

Lux

[smiths7]

Thanks Lux, and yes I know all the statistics, I have bombarded myself plenty of times with the stats ( :

Another concern of mine that I am lost with is lets say i get enough guts to get on the plane to go to Vegas (5 1/2 hours) or wherever, well once Im on its a done deal so I live through it but I just cant do it again and now i am 3 days of driving away from home with no way to get there...this is a big concern of mine...any advice? or similar experiences?

Thanks to everyone who is sharing with me I really appreicate it and I try to share with everyone else and return the favor!;)

[aerobat]

well once Im on its a done deal so I live through it but I just cant do it again and now i am 3 days of driving away from home with no way to get there.

There is always the Big Dog (Greyhound) :lol: !
I say that half-jokingly, remembering Courtney's epic journey to Vegas by bus from Tennessee...and never ever :eek: forgetting my own...dozens of them by bus because I would not fly.

The rest of the joke is serious! If worrying about what would happen if you find yourself in Vegas unable to get on the return flight...well, you really can take the bus home. It wouldn't be fun, especially not by the second afternoon, but you'd see a lot of geography. And you'd get home. Statistically it would be a little riskier...

(I was once on a bus that hit a patch of ice and spun a 180 :eek::eek:coming down the east side of Snoqualmie Pass in the Cascades around 10 PM. Now that should have scared me onto planes for good, but for some reason it didn't. :confused:)

It helps to have an escape plan; in this case, a way home if all else fails. The escape plan makes tippy-toeing up to the dreaded situation much more possible.

And, chances are that you would do well enough on the outbound flight that the return flight would not seem anywhere near as daunting. That's the more common scenario (recall what Lux told us). That piles success on top of success. :thumbsup:

[Barb-SAN]

Another concern of mine that I am lost with is lets say i get enough guts to get on the plane to go to Vegas (5 1/2 hours) or wherever, well once Im on its a done deal so I live through it but I just cant do it again and now i am 3 days of driving away from home with no way to get there...this is a big concern of mine...any advice? or similar experiences?
;)

Any chance of taking a very short flight (like 1/2 hr, 45 min. or so?) somewhere before going for a long one? Breaking down your exposures to your fearful situation into more manageable bites can really help a lot. And on a short flight, if you HAVE to return on the bus, it won't take you three days to do it.

[smiths7]

yea I am looking into taking a short flight to my brothers in VA but then I would probably have to take a small plane which is OUT of the option lol so if I could find a big (100+) plane that goes from NJ or NY to VA I would do it...any ideas?

[spiffyone]

You can check on kayak.com - they are a search engine like expedia, that can show you flights available from point a to point b - and they say what kind of aircraft it is (which I still care about...I have done really well with my FOF but still haven't flown in a little plane yet).

Barb is right - I always tell myself I can take the bus home, or easier, rent a car and drive back if I'm too scared. It can help to know you have an out...although I have ALWAYS found that the flight back was easier than the flight out. ALWAYS.

I actually find longer flights easier than short ones - but for some reason they "seem" more intimidating when you are starting to fly with FOF.

[smiths7]

Yea I mean I guess I always could rent a car...

It is def scary for me to do a 5 1/2 flight considering I don't like being stuck and whatnot. Thanks for the website, I am going to check it out.

I appreciate it.:)

[smiths7]

I checked out the site...all I am finding is small planes...does anyone know if there are any 100+ passanger planes that fly between NJ/NY to VA?

[spiffyone]

I assume you're wanting a flight into Richmond, and not Dulles?

[smiths7]

Actually no, Dulles is closer to my brother. So I want something either out of Newark or any of the NY airports to Dulles.

[LeslieDEN]

Actually no, Dulles is closer to my brother. So I want something either out of Newark or any of the NY airports to Dulles.
After my last couple of posts, I'm really starting to feel like a shill for United, but ... they do have LaGuardia-Dulles flights on a 757:

LGA-IAD - United flight 847 - Departs 7:15 p.m. - Boeing 757
IAD-LGA - United flight 846 - Departs 8:15 a.m. - Boeing 757

[cshollingsworth]

Please, please, please...whatever you do...don't ride Greyhound. :lol: Or, if you do choose to ride it...I promise you will be ready to fly the moment you reach your destination and get off the bus. Trust me...I speak from experience. :shakehead

[smiths7]

I do not want to ride Greyhound that is for sure. ;) I will check out that flight, thanks!

[spiffyone]

Also shows flights that are on 757 or 737s...on the kayak wesbite it doesn't give you those options together, but on the us airways website, it might.

My new thing is that I want to do a CRJ or ERJ flight next. :happyguy:

[smiths7]

Yea, I haven't reached that step yet...baby steps.:tongue: