Where's Your Fear?

[Debbielevis2]

Erika suggested this under another thread, but I thought it deserved its own thread.

Anyway, the question is:

Where are you in your fear?

Recovered? :D Recover-ING? :) Terrified-but-do-it-anyway? :shocked Not AS terrified as you used to be? :blech

You get the idea ---

Jump in!!

Debbie

PS -- This includes Commercial Pilots!:bigplane

[WillFlyToDisney2]

Not sure what my title would be. I know I am not "recovered" as I found when I almost had a meltdown in September when I knew we had to fly into some bad weather.

I would say I am "coping" quite well as long as nothing goes wrong! :) I can board a plane with only a hint of anxiety and even manage to snooze for a bit during cruise. I no longer dig my nails into the armrests on takeoff and landing (a big step for me).

I am still terrified of bad weather (yes I know they try to avoid it but don't get me started) and all of the bumps and shakes that go with it. I also HATE when we are in clouds - I get so disoriented that the fear creeps back.

Kelley

[noflyingfan]

I'm about in the same place as Kelley, I think. I'm not a complete mess when I think about flying (I used to get nervous when even seeing an airplane on TV -- and not even when something bad was happening to the plane. Scenes that simply took place on planes made my heart race), but I'm not completely comfortable either.

This community has helped me quite a bit; the "knowledge is power" thing definitely applies to me and this fear. I know what to expect, what to do and what not to do to deal with it, and I know I'm not alone.

I've been lucky to have really really smooth flights with no bad weather or big problems other than a little (very little) bit of turb. I'm not sure how I'll deal with that when it comes up, but I'm hoping these smooth flights are warming me up for the inevitable uncomfortable ones. Before, I would have two problems to overcome -- the turb and the flight itself. Now, the flight on its own isn't as big a deal, and the turb would be my only hurdle. That's what I'm hoping anyway.

The hardest part for me right now is the two hours before a flight. I've been dealing really well with the anticipatory anxiety from the time I book the ticket to the day of the flight, but from the time I leave for the airport till after takeoff, I'm an absolute wreck. But I'm working on it and getting better.

[Passenger Mark]

I would say somewhere between..

Recovered and Not AS terrified as you used to be...

Yea... that sounds like Recovering

Just not sure... I think I have worked all the bugs out, but have not flown since August... so not sure. I will tell you after Christmas.

[xiknal]

Recovered, and grateful for all the support and info and grace and trickery that got me over it. :p

I believe that had I had these kinds of resources way back when it started, I would have gotten over it a long time ago. So I do my best to help others. Nobody needs to be stuck with FoF forever!

[WillFlyToDisney2]

For me the anticipatory anxiety is not really there at all anymore. I just booked my 2 flights to NYC and my 4 flights to Nashville for New Years and didnt bat an eye. I was more worried about making sure my upgrades were requested than I was about the fact that I would be FLYING.

Kelley

[canoga]

I'm scared but better than I once was. I'm not at the enjoyment stage yet.

[Disney fan]

Recovering maybe?? I still have a problem with Turbulence and still have a little pre flight anxiety ( usually related to weather)

Lynda

[invert29]

I am not as terrified as I used to be. I would call my stage more accurately, "Determined to get over it". I guess that goes into the recovering phase :)

My biggest problem is the anticipatory anxiety. It crept up on me bad my last flight but I am hoping to build on the success and have a little bit more comfortable one on Xmas day.

On a side note, you guys that are flying by yourselves are a huge inspiration to me. I don't think I could do that (yet). Thankfully, my wife has been on every flight with me and is very supportive. :kiss Although, I feel a solo trip back east coming up for work in the spring :shocked :sigh :cower

Chris

[Debbielevis2]

Chris

I feel for your fear of flying alone. BUT (and remember, I'm one of you), I absolutely fly better alone than I do with others.

I know what I have to do; I know what feelings to expect and how to accept them as they come and deal with them. I know enough to push my monster back into the closet where he belongs.

Since "recovering", I've flown alone a few times, and even found it more enjoyable. I think it's not having (for lack of a better phrase---) "performance anxiety". When I fly with family or close friends, they know how I used to be, how much work I've put into this "cure", so they expect me to be The Perfect Passenger. THAT makes me more anxious, because I feel that if I squint during some turb, they'll be all over me.

Also, the more frequently I fly, the better I seem to be. If I haven't flown for several months, I'm more anxious. Go figure!

And The Rest of You:

Anyway, anyone who fearfully flies, no matter what your stage, you're ALL showing your gutsy side. Nothin' like staring fear in the face and not letting it get the best of you. Don't sell yourselves short. Some of your responses sound as tthough you're beating yourselves up for not being like Captain Ray in the cockpit! No, no, no!!

Flying despite your fear is something to commend yourselves on.:airplane

Debbie

[aurora30]

I'm still "terrified-but-gonna-do-it"
i think it is a work in progress... Since i'm flying in 6 days:shocked i'm trying to "make a decision to have a good flight" and try to relax. Eventually I would to be able to say "what a great flight that was I can't wait to do it again"

It is hard especially now being so close to the flight, but on the other hand if I give in to fear, that means I stay home and never go anywhere....

that's where i'm at....

[JamieAllison]

I think I'm probably in the "not as terrified as I used to be" category, although I definitely still have fear. I know I have improved somewhat, but my last few flights have been good ones and I'm afraid that a bad flight will set me way back.

Jamie

[firsttimeposting]

Before I would have said I was doing quite well, not liking flying but not letting that stop me. Then lately, I realized that there are different things to conquer. For instance, this year I had flown around 100,000 miles for business domestically and the more I flew, the easier it got. I had taken baby steps going from 2 hours flights to graduating to flying non-stop from east to west coast. Now I am battling a whole new step, taking my first international flight in three years. In a way, I could say I feel like I'm taking a step back, because the anxiety has been higher than it has been in a long time. I've been obsessive and preparing for this trip for weeks now. I've been stressed, having night sweats, and emotional. But that would be the glass half empty approach. The glass half full would be that I'm taking the next step towards recovery, graduating to longer oversea flights so that I can really say someday that I can handle flying anywhere. I have to keep reminding myself to think this way and to stay positive, so that I look forward to this as an accomplishment rather than feeling dreadful.

[Debbielevis2]

Jamie

Time for a lecture.

A turbulent flight is NOT going to set you back. A turbulent flight is going to make you see how far you've come; how able you are to handle a less-than-perfect flight. The tough part is trying to make you understand this BEFORE it happens.

You're getting yourself worked up for something that probably isn't going to happen, first of all. Second, try to remember that almost all flights have at least a little turb in them, so that means that turbulence is the NORM, not the exception, right?!

Keep chanting that until you believe it entirely, Jamie!

See, I'm not always nice, am I?!:witch

[Debbielevis2]

Firsttime --

You've flown 100,000 miles this year?? I'd say you're doing quite well!

And, flying cross-country can be almost as long as a flight to Europe, so other than the fact that you're going in the opposite direction, I'd say that that flight won't be very much longer. I had a flight to PHX a month ago, where the headwinds were so high the Captain said, "I can't get out of my own way up here! Gonna be a long one." And sure enough, it was a little over 6 hours from Providence to Phoenix. Another half hour and I could've made it to London!

Anyway, I think it's just because it's an international flight that's got you worked up. BUT the good part of that is, you get a way bigger plane, seatback entertainment and lots more food!!!

Allow yourself the anxiety. Don't try to keep it away, or it'll really push on you. Acknowledge that it's there, and it'll lose most of its power. Anxiety feels so much worse than what it's really doing to you. "It's only a movie"!!

Debbie

[firsttimeposting]

Thanks Debbie. All those miles have been made possible with ativan. Without it, I wouldn't have been able to fly. I take one for each flight and sleep most of the time. So most of the anxiety I get is pre-flight, the anticipatory stuff. I get real OCD, checking the house, did I leave the stove on, did I forget anything? Then checking the hotel room, did I forget anything there? I have whole travel routines and things I have to have with me to make me feel better. I think one of the problems is that I don't deal with the fear and just cope by sleeping. So sometimes in flight I wake up and for a split second think, oh no I'm awake! Then to realize this can be ok. So knowing I can't sleep the whole international flight is making me face my fears! Which could be a blessing in disguise I guess. :pray

[WillFlyToDisney2]

Connie,

You sound like a commercial. "These flights made possible by Ativan..." LOL Hey, whatever it takes to help you cope with the fear is GREAT!

I took Xanax for the first few flights I took then just decided to stop taking it and see if I could handle it. I still carry it with me on every flight "just in case".

:)
Kelley

[xiknal]

Awright, I won't sound like a commercial! All those miles achieved with Ativan are a testimony to your ability to shut down the fear to a manageable level, but the downside is that you aren't likely to make real progress until you wean yourself off the meds. With your doc's advice of course!

I agree that the long flight is going to get you out of the comfort zone you've negotiated thus far. You can always have the Ativan handy and just pop another one (if the doc agrees)...but better still, have it handy and try not to pop another one, but rather stay awake, accept the flight for what it is and soak it up with all its sensations. Think of this as an opportunity to start making friends with the flight experience. Some dragons turn out to be friendly. :) And check out the Resources section and various other posts here (or ask!) to put a bag of tricks (strategies and distractions) together.

Research has shown that antianxiety meds often inhibit habituation...so it's a sort of tussle between the present and the future. Do what ya gotta do to get on the plane, and then, look at the flight as an opportunity and not an obstacle!

You will get there safely either way! :thumbsup

[Passenger Mark]

I would like to underline something Barb wrote in her post in regards to meds. And that is to check with your Doctor.

I can't stress enough how important that is.

You will see that I don't give much advice about meds, and there is a good reason for that.

The only advice/information I give is...

I have taken Ativan, at it seemed to work (for me).

Don't drink and take meds

Check with, and talk with your Doctor before starting.

Check with, and talk with your Doctor while taking the meds... about progress, how it makes you feel, side effects, etc.

Check with, and talk with your Doctor before stropping.

If you are presently taking something, even if it is periodic... do not stop until you have spoken with your doctor.

Getting information here about what works for others, and what does not is fine. BUT... it NEVER EVER replaces, or is intended to replace, or for that matter supplements your Doctor's instructions.

If you look at our disclaimer... this is clearly spelled out.

[firsttimeposting]

hee hee, i guess i did sound like an ativan spokesperson!

thanks for all the friendly words everyone. i have developed a mental dependence on the ativan in that i take it about 30 min before each flight, regardless of whether i feel anxiety or not. i do need to learn to cope in other ways and not just use medication to mask what i'm feeling.

i agree that having a doctor's supervision is SO important. people shouldn't self medicate or decide on their own how to play with their medication routine.

do many of you find that finding a good doc is SO hard? its so frustrating that most of them don't really know what they are talking about. and i think of all those people out there that just blindly trust their docs without educating themselves. i actually work with alot of people with schizophrenia and bipolar and one of the most common things you hear is misdiagnosis and improper treatment that exacerbates their illness. going off on a tangent here but basically saying that everyone should seek the advice of a doctor but make sure to educate yourself and find a second opinion when things don't feel right.

[spiffyone]

You should also make sure that you are completely honest and communicate all your concerns to your physician, and tell them exactly how you are taking the meds, etc. A physician's ability to correctly diagnose and treat patients is directly dependent on how much information the patient gives them, and how accurate it is. They can't find that stuff out from someone else, so you have to tell them.

I'm definitely terrified but at least flying. I have a flight in a week and am officially not thinking about it yet. The last time I flew, it was very cloudy and there was a fair amount of turbulence - very disorienting because I couldn't see anything. I hated it. I think I am a little more anxious because that's the flight I remember most clearly when planning.

:hamster

[beaugest]

Interesting thread,Deb.
I think what Spiff said is so important. The Dr. can only work with the info. given. The other thing is to hang in there till you find a Dr. that is a good match for you.And medication that is a good match. So, educating yourself and advocating for yourself is a good thing to do.

I never stopped flying so I can't use that as a gage. My goal was to fly with less discomfort(anxiety) and I am much better with that. I would like to be able to totally concentrate on the destination rather than the act of getting there. Even though, I flew to London last year this upcoming flight is tough for me. However, I will do it. And I know it would be a lot harder if I didn't have support from this board. :flowers

[screwi]

I last flew for the first time in august.

Since then I have now started with nightmares about turbulance and claustrophibia :shocked

Weird.

[WillFlyToDisney2]

Screwi,

Welcome to the board. :welcome

Was your flight in August particularly turbulent? Where did you fly to?

:)
Kelley

[JamieAllison]

Thanks Deb. You know I appreciate your lectures (or attempts to whip me into shape)! You're right of course, and I really do know it, but I guess I still need to hear it.

You may think you're a :witch sometimes, but you're still my inspiration! :hail

Jamie

[ChiefAtHeart]

Just not sure... I think I have worked all the bugs out, but have not flown since August... so not sure. I will tell you after Christmas.

Hey Mark...be sure to bring a coat! It's 22 here this morning! Considerably colder than California I bet.