OK, I am developing the escape plan

[Hoosier]

The support here has been wonderful to say the least. I have been working through the anxiety stickies and seemed to have found some things which helped. I am now at the closest point I have been to a scheduled flight in the 22 years since I have flown. But........

After a couple of days of feeling a little better, I began falling apart last night. Went to a movie last night, during the previews, I kept thinking I will never get to see that. Wow...Got home and of course the mind is in full overdrive. Spent some time with my son, who is going on a camping trip to NC next week. Why couldn't I have gone that week and then had the perfect excuse to drive???? Then about an hour of sleep, the rest tossing and turning.

I realized the airports I will be in all had nasty crashes in the last few years. Well, all except Cincinnati. Indy, the American one that probably bothers me more than any because it did seem to just fall out of flight. Charlotte, although I can't remember the details there, seemed like weather. And of course, Newark..I know the extreme rarity of these situations, but all I can think about is what must have been like in those cabins. I think Charlotte happened on take off, but the others, they knew for a while.

The thoughts of cancelling are creeping in fast. If I just leveled with my boss, who I am sure has a feeling anyway, what a relief. I could drive to Charlotte in about 8 hours. Actually by the time I factor in 3 hours to the airport, 2 hours before flight, layover in Cincinnati, it's not all that much different. I know I will feel like crap by doing that, but I will be sleeping. Not to mention I am reasonably sure I will be a complete freak job if I do manage to show up at the airport. Will I be less embarrased by leveling with him now, or by running from the plane in a hysterical fashion?

If I could just get past this whole premonition thing. Why nothing else really bothers me and this just freaks me out. I am honestly looking at everything as I have a week and a half left to live.

I loved Leslies tracking site she listed in another thread. I tracked my flights yesterday. While it did help, it appears they are all on Regional Jets. Never been on one, that kind of freaks me out also. Heck, the last plane I was on was an Eastern Airlines DC-9.

Has anyone done the SOAR program? Seems very pricey, but if it truly works. I just wish I had more time to do that. Maybe if I bag these and truly work on the program? I can make plenty of opportunities to fly in the future.

[PositiveAgain]

Wow, wow, wow! I really sense your fear. I'm not sure if others will agree with me on this one, but maybe you should not fly this time. Here is the biggest problem though.... will you still make the commitment to work on this issue? That is hugely important if you want to change your life.

If you cancel now you will feel a tremendous sense of relief and then most likely you will feel that you don't have to tackle this problem for awhile. You will retreat into what you feel is the safety zone... the fear has beaten you.

[pulp22]

Hoosier,

I did SOAR and it helped me greatly, however you will get mixed reviews on this site. I guess it is up to you, but I think you can find plenty on here to help as well.

I'm not sure of all the crashes you are speaking of but where they happened doesn't mean anything. It does not make it likely that it will happen again. Also I think the Charlotte crash happened in 1994 or something. That was a long time ago...

[EyesSkyward]

it appears they are all on Regional Jets. Never been on one, that kind of freaks me out also.

They are different, simply because the cabin isn't as big as "regular" planes. But many of us here fly on them all the time. I'm a pretty tall guy, so I wouldn't mind a bit more headroom. Other than that, they're very cool aircraft if you ask me. (With an excellent safety record too, by the way. :thumbsup:)

- Jeff, former fellow Hoosier (Jeffersonville)

[WillFlyToDisney]

Stop looking for reasons to fail and start looking for opportunities to succeed.

We do NOT recommend the SOAR program - all of the info there can be obtained FREE or much cheaper from many other sources. First of all, read Ray's book cover to cover. Second, take Captain Stacey Chance's FREE online course (link at the bottom of the page). Third, visit www.anxieties.com (http://www.anxieties.com) and read Monica's sticky at the top of this forum about dealing with anxiety. I'm not sure how much more legally I can say about why we don't endorse SOAR on the public forum but I will say it is something we (as moderators with much personal knowledge of the program) feel strongly about - feel free to PM me with any questions.

Have you looked into therapy? You may benefit from talking with a counselor one on one. Ask about starting with a small dose of xanax to calm your nerves.

The Charlotte crash (the only one I can remember) was due to an overweight plane. It was a smaller plane. Since that crash regulations and weight limits have changed and are policed to make sure that doesn't happen again.

RJs are GREAT planes - they are the same size as most private jets, so just think of them as your own personal private jet! Yes the cabin is smaller but that has benefits - like getting on and off the plane with 40 people instead of 200. The jets are new - most have all leather seating - and are quick and speedy down the runway! Our own John Robinson is a CRJ pilot.

[Lynda]

Great advice Monica!!!

[aerobat]

I agree with Ken about posting this technique as a sticky or highlighting it in an existing sticky. The long-term consequences of actions designed to give short-term relief, are, in the big picture, far more important.

I say this as one who has cancelled, and bailed at the airport (bailed in Lima, bailed in Anchorage, gnarly places to get home from overland, but I did it, sortof :sigh: ...heh).

Hoosier, I agree completely with you about crafting an escape plan. I did that before my first flight in 13 years. I think I mentioned it in my testimonial, but it was far more detailed than that. It allowed me to bail at the airport on Saturday and still get from Austin to Chapel Hill on Greyhound in time to teach my Yucatec Maya class on Monday at 9AM. Of course, I would have been a stressed-out, dithering idiot, but who cares? :rolleyes:

Another component of my plan was to go to the airport in time for the previous flight to the same destination (AUS-DFW-RDU), so that I could try to board standby (which in fact I did!), and if I chickened out (I didn't!), then I had a second opportunity in a couple of hours. You may not have that option, I dunno. I believe you are also traveling with your boss, but that wouldn't necessarily preclude your aiming for an earlier flight, schedule allowing, and flying separately. It would definitely require your owning up to your fear with him, though.

And in all sincerity, I strongly suggest you own up to your fear with him no matter what. And then strive to get on the plane.

I predict that this will unload some of the stress for several reasons.

First, you will have fessed up with the person to whom it is (re this flight) most important. The first disclosure is usually memorable, in a good way.

Second, the compassion you receive from him will have effects on you which you cannot anticipate, because that sort of thing operates in brain regions beyond the reach of the rational mind...and thus far, your rational mind has been 90+ percent of your weaponry. That, too, needs to change; you need some trickery!!

Third, any reduction in the burden of fear you are carrying will unequivocally show you the true nature of the whole enchilada: a neurochemical lie. Recognizing this on a gut level is far more helpful than any exegesis concerning the origin of the fear (but yes, having kids is a common kicker-offer).

Fourth, you will have partially exorcized a big fear-demon: that of flipping out at the gate and running (did you say "hysterically"? ;)) out of the airport leaving your boss dazed and confused. At least he won't be confused. And, because he will hopefully be supportive ahead of time, you will be less likely to flip out. And also, he'll be on the same plane; perhaps you can find a way to trust in his absence of premonitions about the flight, and set aside your own nattering omens. At this point, you have no idea about how this might work because you are still in that murky region of isolation (and I speak as someone who was in it myself for some thirty years).

Of course, this scenario conflicts with that of showing up early and trying to go standby (if that's even an option) unless your boss is willing to do that with you.

Crafting an escape plan is important because it allows us to approach the feared situation much more closely than if we had no such plan. And things change as we get close--especially same-day close, because now the anticipatory anxiety (which is a first-class b*tch) is largely replaced by something else. And that 'something else' actually offers opportunities for spontaneous courage and breakthrough determination. It's more of a battlefront scenario, whereas the AA just eats away at us day after day, ruining everything for weeks sometimes (I have been there too).

Hoosier, once you see that that ruse of 'premonition' is nothing but a phobia's last-ditch effort to maintain its own integrity (pardon whilst I anthropomorphize the monster for a moment :lol:)...once you find out that it is lying to you...it will never be able to sink its hooks into you to this degree again.

The world in which these dialogues are operating--yours with yourself, yours with us--might seem to non-fearfuls to be a dark fantasy world, with all its talk of demons and premonitions and escape plans and secrets, and the feelings of doom, that it's all about to be over. Let it be what it is, but it's time to write yourself a different script--a heroic one--within it. Don't think for a moment you are not a hero waiting for your chance to prove it. Think about other times in your life when you have been called upon to be courageous while holding onto something you believe in or treasure, and remember how good it felt to go forward. Ever read Dune? Fear is the mind-killer.

A formula I found very effective for AA was the combination of thought-stopping (using a fat rubber band), postponement, and worry time. You will find these described on www.anxieties.com (http://www.anxieties.com) and in the sticky threads. Check them out; we can tell you more when you are ready to practice them.

Barb