Debbielevis2
12-18-2004, 12:53 AM
I've been thinking about doing this for quite a while, and having seen referrals to "it" by Monica, Jamie and Barb, I think I'm going to just jump in and do it. It's regarding "The Absence of Fear" - "The OHMYGOD I'm Doomed" theory because you don't feel that you're afraid enough for your upcoming flight.
I figured it out. Actually, I figured it out quite a while ago, but didn't TRUST that that was had happened to me. That's a Fearful Flyer thing, as you know. That lack of trust.
I'm proud and thrilled to say that I am no longer a Fearful Flyer. Do I still get anxious? @#%$, yes. But out of habit more than anything else.
For the past couple of years, my pre-flight anxiety level has decreased flight after flight after flight. Now it doesn't even hit me 'til right after check-in. I've been watching it diminish and thinking, "What's wrong with me?" It's not what's "wrong". It's what's becoming "right". I've learned that the blessed absence of fear is good. It's not a "That's it - we're going down" feeling anymore. I started thinking about it and rationalizing it by saying, "I'll bet there isn't a pilot who feels that way when he goes to work in the morning". I asked Capt Steve a few weeks ago, "Tell me about the worst flight - scariest flight - you've had as a Captain, deadheading, or as a passenger." He replied to my email in several paragraphs, none of which pertained to my question, then ended with "P.S. - Thought about your question. Nothing comes to mind." So vague! We're talking about someone who's been flying for years and years, and he couldn't even come up with something entertaining!
The Absence of Fear: It happens when you're educated about flying. When you understand the sounds, feelings, procedures of flight, when you remember that banking is normal (and fun!) that take-offs can be bumpy, that landings can be bumpy, that cruise can be bumpy ---- when you finally LET GO of the idea that everything you perceive as dangerous and/or abnormal in the cabin, is totally NORMAL in the cockpit - then you can let go of the fear.
I told Monica -- Think of your Captain as Our Captain Ray. Would you trust flying with him? God, yes! We all would. So, the Captain on your flight is someone else's Captain Ray. Someone down on the ground KNOWS your Captain and can't imagine why you would think he'd put you in danger. All pilots are Captain Ray -- just a different name!
It seems there are lots of threads and comments regarding "not worrying enough". Believe me, the reason you're not worrying about an upcoming flight is because I did enough for ALL of you for the next several years. You don't need to do that anymore.
I had had maybe 3 roundtrip flights that were horrendous. All, one right after the other. I started thinking, "Cripes, maybe it's ME!" We'd be bouncing all over the place. We were delayed due to t-storms. One time, we were the last flight allowed to land in ATL, then the first allowed to take-off after storms. These were all extremely bumpy flights. Not minor chop - big bumps. Big turb. It had been a long, long time since I'd had a smooth flight. Then I flew with Ray. When we landed, he said something to the effect of "Sorry - that was a yucky flight". I remember thinking, "When was it yucky?" There were bumpy parts, sure - not yucky, though. And I realized that I had gotten so used to really yucky flights that a few bumps, and a little chop here and there didn't mean much to me anymore.
So, listen, it's okay for you to worry (and you should!) about your drive to the airport. Worry about being on time. Worry about getting through security without having to stand there in your skivvies. Worry about your rental car; that you've left enough water for the cats. Those are honest-to-God legitimate worries. Worrying about your flight? Why should you? There are highly seasoned, trained professionals who've gone over and above to make sure that THEY (therefore, YOU) are perfectly safe in-flight, and you'll get to your destination.
We live with this fear daily. It's under our skin. When we finally acknowledge it, it loses a lot of its shine. The fear actually "knows" that we're looking at it now, and it loses a lot of power. It starts to fade; it starts to slink into the background. Ahhhh! But THEN - we Fearfuls with our amazing imaginations, rather than say, "Begone!!! Don't want you anymore!!", we say, "Hey, where'd you go? What does it mean that you're not as strong as I thought you were? Does this mean that you're going in the closet to gain strength, then when I least expect it -- AHA! You're gonna jump out and bite me in the arse??!!" It's so difficult to just let it go. But it's NOT an omen of doom. It's not coming back unless you let it. That fear is only as big as you perceive it to be. It can be HUGE - if you let it. It can be teeny - if you let it. It can be very, very small and manageable - if you let it. It's not going to happen by itself. Work at it. It's very, very attainable.
Remember, too, that there's a huge difference between "fear" and "anticipatory anxiety". Probably all of us, at one point or another, is going to get "aa" pre-flight. Don't try to drown it; don't push it down; don't ignore it. Feel it. Acknowledge it. Understand it. Above all, remember that it will NOT hurt you. It's an emotion. No different from that little lurch you get in your belly, or tug you feel in your chest when you see someone you truly love. It's a different kind of emotion. That's all. Wait it out.
Ray's best line yet is "Knowledge is Power". It is. Knowing what, how and why that plane is flying is your best tool - education-wise. Remembering to TRUST the Captain Rays who are responsible for the aforementioned is what's going to make you FEEL okay about flying. Once you accept the simplicity of those two things, it's all going to fall right into place for you.
Our biggest problem is ALLOWING our fear of flying to be the problem that it is. Fight back. Get angry with it. Look what your fear is stopping you from doing. Look how it can make you feel physically ill! The turning point for me, personally, was the day that I realized how much I was missing. How frightened I was on that plane, for no reason, other than the fact that I was ON it. I got off that flight thinking, "I'm so SICK of feeling this way! I've plain old had it!" From then on, the cure was a breeze. Finally, I wanted something bad enough to make it happen. And it did.:woohoo
Okay kids -- I'm sorry for the length. Mark - cut 'n chop at will.
Everyone -- safe and merry flights to you all through the holidays. Now get to work on those Trip Reports!!
Debbie
I figured it out. Actually, I figured it out quite a while ago, but didn't TRUST that that was had happened to me. That's a Fearful Flyer thing, as you know. That lack of trust.
I'm proud and thrilled to say that I am no longer a Fearful Flyer. Do I still get anxious? @#%$, yes. But out of habit more than anything else.
For the past couple of years, my pre-flight anxiety level has decreased flight after flight after flight. Now it doesn't even hit me 'til right after check-in. I've been watching it diminish and thinking, "What's wrong with me?" It's not what's "wrong". It's what's becoming "right". I've learned that the blessed absence of fear is good. It's not a "That's it - we're going down" feeling anymore. I started thinking about it and rationalizing it by saying, "I'll bet there isn't a pilot who feels that way when he goes to work in the morning". I asked Capt Steve a few weeks ago, "Tell me about the worst flight - scariest flight - you've had as a Captain, deadheading, or as a passenger." He replied to my email in several paragraphs, none of which pertained to my question, then ended with "P.S. - Thought about your question. Nothing comes to mind." So vague! We're talking about someone who's been flying for years and years, and he couldn't even come up with something entertaining!
The Absence of Fear: It happens when you're educated about flying. When you understand the sounds, feelings, procedures of flight, when you remember that banking is normal (and fun!) that take-offs can be bumpy, that landings can be bumpy, that cruise can be bumpy ---- when you finally LET GO of the idea that everything you perceive as dangerous and/or abnormal in the cabin, is totally NORMAL in the cockpit - then you can let go of the fear.
I told Monica -- Think of your Captain as Our Captain Ray. Would you trust flying with him? God, yes! We all would. So, the Captain on your flight is someone else's Captain Ray. Someone down on the ground KNOWS your Captain and can't imagine why you would think he'd put you in danger. All pilots are Captain Ray -- just a different name!
It seems there are lots of threads and comments regarding "not worrying enough". Believe me, the reason you're not worrying about an upcoming flight is because I did enough for ALL of you for the next several years. You don't need to do that anymore.
I had had maybe 3 roundtrip flights that were horrendous. All, one right after the other. I started thinking, "Cripes, maybe it's ME!" We'd be bouncing all over the place. We were delayed due to t-storms. One time, we were the last flight allowed to land in ATL, then the first allowed to take-off after storms. These were all extremely bumpy flights. Not minor chop - big bumps. Big turb. It had been a long, long time since I'd had a smooth flight. Then I flew with Ray. When we landed, he said something to the effect of "Sorry - that was a yucky flight". I remember thinking, "When was it yucky?" There were bumpy parts, sure - not yucky, though. And I realized that I had gotten so used to really yucky flights that a few bumps, and a little chop here and there didn't mean much to me anymore.
So, listen, it's okay for you to worry (and you should!) about your drive to the airport. Worry about being on time. Worry about getting through security without having to stand there in your skivvies. Worry about your rental car; that you've left enough water for the cats. Those are honest-to-God legitimate worries. Worrying about your flight? Why should you? There are highly seasoned, trained professionals who've gone over and above to make sure that THEY (therefore, YOU) are perfectly safe in-flight, and you'll get to your destination.
We live with this fear daily. It's under our skin. When we finally acknowledge it, it loses a lot of its shine. The fear actually "knows" that we're looking at it now, and it loses a lot of power. It starts to fade; it starts to slink into the background. Ahhhh! But THEN - we Fearfuls with our amazing imaginations, rather than say, "Begone!!! Don't want you anymore!!", we say, "Hey, where'd you go? What does it mean that you're not as strong as I thought you were? Does this mean that you're going in the closet to gain strength, then when I least expect it -- AHA! You're gonna jump out and bite me in the arse??!!" It's so difficult to just let it go. But it's NOT an omen of doom. It's not coming back unless you let it. That fear is only as big as you perceive it to be. It can be HUGE - if you let it. It can be teeny - if you let it. It can be very, very small and manageable - if you let it. It's not going to happen by itself. Work at it. It's very, very attainable.
Remember, too, that there's a huge difference between "fear" and "anticipatory anxiety". Probably all of us, at one point or another, is going to get "aa" pre-flight. Don't try to drown it; don't push it down; don't ignore it. Feel it. Acknowledge it. Understand it. Above all, remember that it will NOT hurt you. It's an emotion. No different from that little lurch you get in your belly, or tug you feel in your chest when you see someone you truly love. It's a different kind of emotion. That's all. Wait it out.
Ray's best line yet is "Knowledge is Power". It is. Knowing what, how and why that plane is flying is your best tool - education-wise. Remembering to TRUST the Captain Rays who are responsible for the aforementioned is what's going to make you FEEL okay about flying. Once you accept the simplicity of those two things, it's all going to fall right into place for you.
Our biggest problem is ALLOWING our fear of flying to be the problem that it is. Fight back. Get angry with it. Look what your fear is stopping you from doing. Look how it can make you feel physically ill! The turning point for me, personally, was the day that I realized how much I was missing. How frightened I was on that plane, for no reason, other than the fact that I was ON it. I got off that flight thinking, "I'm so SICK of feeling this way! I've plain old had it!" From then on, the cure was a breeze. Finally, I wanted something bad enough to make it happen. And it did.:woohoo
Okay kids -- I'm sorry for the length. Mark - cut 'n chop at will.
Everyone -- safe and merry flights to you all through the holidays. Now get to work on those Trip Reports!!
Debbie