Newby and Desperately Need Advice!

[carrieu2]

Hi Everyone,
I was so excited to do a web search and see that this forum exists and that there are so many people out there like me! Let me share with you my story/problem and if anyone has some advice I'd greatly, greatly appreciate it!:cry:

I have always been a fearful flyer since I started flying at the age 15, but I've always just toughed it out and tried to ignore it. But, about 5 years ago I was in a bad car accident and since then I have been - not sure how to say it - very protective of my life. Since the accident I have been very irrational about flying and each time I board a plane I feel like I am going to die and feel that way for the whole time I am on the flight. Take offs, turbulence, weird noises/sensations and landings are the most challenging for me. Each time I fly I have minor panic attacks on board where my heart starts beating faster and I just think that the plane is going to crash and I am going to die. I also have nightmares several times a month about being in a plane while it is crashing or witnessing planes crash, etc.

Although I have this fear, I still continue to fly, and try to deal with it by drinking as much as possible before I board the plane. I always tell myself that the more I fly the easier it will get, but it has actually gotten worse. And I know drinking is not the answer!

Here is my current predicament. I work for an international non-profit and recently accepted a position that requires me to travel to Asia several times a year. I took my first trip last June (Boston-San Fran-Tokyo-Bangkok-Vientiane) and had a terrible time on all 10 of my flight segments. I would just sit on the plane and silently panic (and silently cry) and think I was going to die. I love my job, I love to travel, but I just can't handle flying anymore. I feel like I've turned in to an irrational freak!

Are you still reading? Long story short - I don't want to quit my job and I have another trip coming up this month, on Feb 20. Bos-Chicago-Tokyo-Bangkok-Vientiane and back. I want to be able to relax and have a good trip but I am already worrying about the flights and dreaming about it. I don't want to drink my way through the flights (especially since my first flight is at 8 am!). I want to change, I don't want to be afraid anymore. Does anyone have any advice for me? I've made a doctor's appointment to get some medication prior to travel. I've tried Valium before and it did *nothing* to help me relax. Is there something else that may help? I've also ordered a book about flying and a relaxation CD for fearful flyers.

If anyone reads this and has any advice for me, please let me know. I'm desperate! :eek: Thanks so much for reading and for any advice. And thanks for welcoming to this wonderful online community!

All the best,
Carrie :D

[Passenger Mark]

Hi Carrie!

Welcome Aboard Taking Flight!!!! :welcome2:

First off... WOW WOW WOW WOW!!!! What an exciting "job" if you can call it a job. To get to travel and see these places! I AM JEALOUS!!! :D


The thing about flying is that if we think about the "what ifs" too much... then those "what ifs" seem like reality. You went through a emotional traumatic event with the car accident, and that, along with your previous uneasiness with flying has you REALLY thinking about the "what ifs".

Tell me if I am missing the mark... because I am in no way an expert with this stuff!

If that is the case, you need to "switch channels" from the "what ifs" to the reality channel! On that channel you need to start thinking that you are safer onboard a commercial aircraft, than ANYWHERE else! That airliner is your safe zone.

Why is is so safe? Because those folks up front are highly trained, as well as anyone else sharing the airspace. Compare that to who is out there on the highway, or in the mall OR about anywhere else!

Additionally the commercial air travel industry is highly regulated, combined with aircraft that have backups to backups!

As I said... it is a VERY safe zone!

You wrote that you have always been a fearful flyer from age 15. What bothered you about flying prior to the accident. Were there any specifics?

If you share some of those... we may be able to disassemble the wall one brick at a time!

Again... Welcome aboard... great to have you here!
</IMG></IMG>

[carrieu2]

Thanks to you both for your quick responses! :thumbsup: I am going to look around on this board to read other threads, because as you mentioned, I'm sure there is a wealth of information already here! Please bear with me and thanks for your support! The first step is recognizing that there are so many other people out there like me!

To answer both of your questions, yes, I have always been afraid to fly from the very beginning. I'm only 27 and I've flown a lot and all over the world and it has always been tramatic, it just got worse after the car accident. Why am I afraid to fly? Honestly, I think it is: 1. a very strong fear of death since I was very young (and I have no idea how this developed) 2. The feeling of having no control over the situation. When I consider booking a flight I think to myself: "Why am I paying money to risk my life?" This is very irrational because I realize (and tell myself over and over again) that it is safer to fly in a plane then drive a car every day. My office at work is very close to the Boston airport- I can look out my window and see literally hundreds of planes taking off and landing safely every day and this still does not give me piece of mind. I feel so hopeless. I often feel like my only resort is to take medication that will knock me out for the whole 24 hours of travel.

All of that being said, if you have any more general comments about my "condition", I definitely will welcome them! I will also look around on here to see what others have said. Thanks again for all of your support!

Take care,
Carrie :D

[aerobat]

Hi, Carrie, and welcome!! :welcome:

I completely agree with what Mark and Sean have said above.

I am guessing that you may already know the safety statistics. Most of us have spent years honestly believing we could somehow talk ourselves into accepting flying as OK emotionally by focusing on the stats and continuing to get on airplanes.

There are some things that you should know, and I believe that when they sink in, you'll have a better idea what to do next.

(1) Statistics--and other types of intellectual data about aviation and the airline industry can help some people as-is. But for many more of us, the 'nuts and bolts' knowledge does not scratch the surface of the fear. And it will continue to be ineffective until the real source of the fear is addressed. Then, magically, the knowledge acquires emotional weight--serious weight--and it becomes a weapon against fear. But this has to happen in the proper sequence.

(2) It is very, very common for flying to get more emotionally uncomfortable the more often we fly. I like to use the 'allergy analogy': we become more sensitized to increasingly smaller stimuli the more often we are exposed (think poison ivy here, at least for a laugh :lol:). We cannot just bootstrap ourselves out of the fear. I know; I tried and failed.

(3) Alcohol can often get people through flights as a numbing agent, but it also numbs the critical faculties one needs to work through the fear. It gets in the way, if what we want is to truly get over it.

(4) The real source of the fear is a bit of haywire neurochemistry. It's largely reversible with the right strategies. Some have argued that some people are born with a predisposition to this, resulting in one or another anxiety disorder, and others believe that it could potentially happen to anyone if the circumstances are right. I prefer the 'ski slope analogy': those who ski risk breaking a bone sooner or later--it's an accident. In the case of non-rational anxiety, it's a neurochemical accident involving the process of sensitization, and the way out is a process called desensitization.

Early childhood experiences can surely be part of the anxiety tapestry. We may even have forgotten the events; all we remember is the feelings, and they are experienced as generalized dread or an intense fear of death. I had feelings like this as a child, and I know for certain (you'll understand if you read my testimonial) that those feelings set me up for my fear of flying. Even so, I beat my fear when I finally found out what to do.

So...jump right into an anxiety education. It's free online, here and elsewhere, it's an epiphany, and in my understanding it's one of the first things we need to do on the path out of this fear. Check out and soak up:

http://www.anxieties.com

There's a fear of flying section but a lot of the rest of it is also relevant.

Then search Taking Flight for all the anxiety topics and sticky threads--we have a lot of resources. They're on the main page ('Anxiety Central' and the Testimonials), in sticky threads on this General Discussion forum, and also on Captain Ray's forum. With some background, all these anecdotal observations will spring into focus. You will see that not only are there lots of folks who are just like you--you'll see that there is a map, and you are on it. And that :woohoo: is a revelation.

With the right work--including knowledge, support, and practice--you can change the way you feel about flying. We never forget what the "bad old days" were like, and some of us still have a blip or a zap or a burble, but the potential for change is enormous. Savvy people here will give you lots of support along the way. :thumbsup: We've been there, and our hands are extended to you.

Barb

[WillFlyToDisney]

Hi Carrie and :welcome: !

You are in the right place and sound ready and determined to work on overcoming your fear of flying. I would highly recommend you take Capt Stacey's FREE online course (link on the banner at the bottom of this page) and order Capt Ray's book (another link on the bottom of the page). Both of those will give you more information about flying and why it is safe. I agree with Barb about the www.anxieties.com (http://www.anxieties.com) link - there are some wonderful coping techinques there for dealing with anxiety.

Sean is right in that this place is full of people who have been where you are! We now fly all over the place - most of the time quite comfortably. You can do it too but it does take some time and some work on your part.

I used to love to fly until I had a "super scary flight" that left me grounded for a dozen years. Like you I got an exciting job that required that I FLY all over the US on tour managing a country music group. I found the people on this board and read Ray's book and with a little help from xanax I started flying again. The more I flew the more comfortable I got with flying. I went from being grounded to flying over 100,000 miles a year! I still get nervous every once in awhile but everything I have learned here helps me to get thru my fears.

Feel free to ask any questions or express ANY fears or concerns that you have. There is no such thing as a dumb question here! :)

Kelley

[carrieu2]

Hi Barb and Kelley and all,
Thanks to you both for your replies and support. I've spent the last couple of days reading resources on this site and beyond and it has been really inspiring. I really appreciate everyones' stories and their courage and I have also started getting excited about the possibility that I can and will get better at flying!

I am realizing that getting over this will be a long process - and I have 5 flight segments coming up 2 weeks from today! I have a doctor's appointment tomorrow to get some type of medication to help with the anxiety. Could others tell me what types of medication they have used for anxiety and how it worked (or didin't work) for them? It would be great to have some knowledge of what is out there, going in to this doctor's appointment. Also, I've tried valium and it did nothing for me, so suggestions of alternatives would be great.

I think that is all for now. I'm sure I'll have more questions in the future. Thanks again for all of your support!!!

all the best,
Carrie :hug:

[Insert Clever Name Here]

For me, and several other people I know who have taken it, Valium seems to make you sleepy sometimes but isn't the best at getting rid of or diminishing anxiety. I had it before a major surgery once, and all it did was make me clumsy and I tripped over a couple of trashcans - but still felt anxious as before.

Xanax and Ativan seem to be better choices for anxiety, but every person is different and one might work better than another for that person. If Valium failed in the past, I would ask for another type of benzo.

Whatever you get, people advise to try a "test dose" out on the ground before flying, to see how it affects you and maybe to consult with your doctor if the dose is too small or too big for what you think you need. Also keep a note of how long the medicines last: for a long flight, you may wish to take another one at some point so ask your doctor when you can give yourself another dose if needed.

Do not drink any alcohol or take any other sedatives with these medicines, ever. Bold type looks rough, I know, but just wanted to make sure you saw that part. Given the right medicine, and more importantly new techniques you learn, you will have no need to use alcohol anyway.

Of course, make sure you ask your doctor about what medicines you can take while you're on this medicine, especially if you take antihistamines or motion-sickness pills.

The people here are great, and if you have any more questions or concerns just ask! I'm working on getting a flight scheduled also, and these people's courage and kind words help so much.