T'was the night before...

[invert29]

Christmas and all through the house not a creature was stirring, except for me and my anxiety.

I had a breakdown today. I am trying to figure out if it is all the emotion is coming from trying to let all this fear go. I feel like there are 2 of me. One that sees the opportunities ahead of me if I conquer this thing and the other that says we got this far because we avoided such things. It is such a battle. I felt like the second voice was winning out today but I am trying to beat it back. I don't want this to beat me but I am also feeling tired of battling it. I am so sick of feeling angry, defeated, determined and afraid...sometimes all at once.

We had Xmas eve with my family tonight and it was so hard to focus on the moment and enjoy myself. We are sleeping at my parents' house tonight and will spend the morning with them before leaving for the airport. At least I opened up some gifts tonight and got the first 2 seasons of Seinfeld on DVD, which I can watch at the airport.

Anyway, thanks for reading. I needed to ramble a little bit. Hope you all have a Merry Christmas. Everybody here is wonderful and greatly appreciated!

Chris

[Passenger Mark]

Hi Chris,

We had a nice Christmas Eve... Midnight Candlelight service at my parents Church, then home where we sat around and spoke of past Christmas adventures.

My Mom said that tonight was the first time in two years that we had all been at Christmas Eve service together.

I scratched my head, and said... where were we last year? They all looked at me in amazement and said... AT THE AIRPORT! Remember???

Oh yea... last year... I was suppose to fly on the 23rd, but backed out, came back the next day, and after a bunch of fretting... finally made it.

I told my Mom sorry, where in response they said... seeing me come down that walkway last year was the best Christmas Eve ever.

Chris... you wrote...

I feel like there are 2 of me.

There were two of me last year. One was committed to make that flight no matter what, the other was convinced that the headlines in the paper were going to be about MY doomed flight.

Those "2 of me" were the logical side of us, and the emotional or creative side of us.

When the creative side gets turned loose, the logical side just kind-of goes and sits in a corner, which causes the creative side to grow even stronger.

What we have to do is answer the creative brain's questions, and colorful plots with HARD FAST FACTS.

When we come up with the "what ifs"... answer those "what ifs" with factual answers.

But knowing just where those "2 of me" comes from... (The creative side and the logical side) helps. When we start dreaming up all these scenarios, and we are able to understand that it is just our creative side on an extended stroll... it helps.

Know and understand what is going on in our head. Answer the "what ifs" with facts, look toward your goal, and get out to that airport tomorrow, board that plane, and go for it!

YOU CAN DO IT! And... You will be fine. PROMISE!

Merry Christmas,

Mark

[invert29]

Thanks for the words Mark.

I only have time for a quick message but I made it!!! Once I was on my way to the aiport the logical side was able to dominate a little. Highlight of the flight...I got to sit next to a SWA pilot on his way home to Phoenix! He was extremely helpful and talked to me the entire way about everything that was going on. I am definitely writing a letter to SWA on his behalf. It was an amazing experience. I only wish that could happen every time.

I will write a longer trip report after I get back home on the 30th.

Thanks again everyone and Happy Holidays!

Chris

[Disney fan]

Chris,

So glad you made it!!

Those SWA airline pilots appear to be great, unfortunately they do not fly to the UK!

I can't wait to hear all about it.

Lynda