I'm on the edge with my foot dangling dangerously close...

[VictoriaW]

Hey all...

For the past few weeks I have been "all good"(for the most part) about my first solo trip to Ireland on October 11th...Why wouldn't I be "all good" about it? I will be seeing my husband there, who let me remind you, I haven't seen for over 3 months....I've been reading post after post of the encouragement that you give to all those that need it. I've even found myself trying to make others feel at ease with flying also.

I have been reviewing my materials, (and am still waiting to get my copy of Captain Ray's book ),I have been practicing my breathing...and have even dismissed the fact of taking drugs because I was doing so well..

But now...I dunno...I'm really nervous all of sudden...it hit me a few minutes ago while I was putting some of the last things into my suitcase.

Now, as my flight is only a few days away...I feel panicky. I feel like I may not be able to get on that plane. I feel like I want to cry because I'm allowing myself become insane with worry and anxiety.

I know, I know, anticipatory anxiety is the worst and gets to most of us who fear flying...I know the reality of it all, I understand the rationale of it all, and yet..I still allow myself to fall into that **** pit of worry and doubt. It's a pit so deep that I feel I'm stuck there with no hope of seeing light...(Yes, I am a bit dramatic, but that's the way it feels sometimes...)

I know, there is no way to back out now...If I don't face my fear, I will never know the feeling of overcoming it (or at least taking the first step to beating it)...I just don't want to be "that" person on the plane, causing a scene... having everyone stare at me...wondering if I just escaped from the looney bin....that's just it.....I don't know how I might react...that's the thing that bothers me the most....

I want to be excited for the trip, but right now...I don't see it or feel it...

I don't usually like to do this, but I guess in my own way...I'm asking for some encouragement....anyone got any that they can spare to a complete and total basketcase?

Thanks for letting me vent....

Vicky

[Chelle]

Aaawww :hug I was right there in your place just a couple short days ago hon. That feeling "there's no WAY I'm going to be able to get on that plane". But, as I pack and prepare for my flight tomorrow, I've resolved myself to the fact I AM getting on the plane, and I'm going to go through with this. I may not LIKE it, I'd be lying if I said I was beside myself with joy, but it's something I'm just going to do, for better or for worse. And as much as I hate turbulence and the bumps and noises and being 35,000 feet in the air, I know in my heart of hearts I'm going to be fine, just as you will be :)

I got a lot of wonderful advice from the folks here, and if you get a chance scroll back through a couple of my 'meltdown' posts. The advice is sound. I 'allowed' myself a couple episodes of freakout time. I got the bulk of it out of my system, and it does help. Barb linked me to anxieties.com and there is a whole section of fear of flying.

I know my flight isn't quite as long as yours, but I will have a few days lead time on you. Track me tomorrow, and watch me get there safe and sound. And when I get to my fiance's house I'm going to log in and say hello :) Hopefully that will give you a bit of encouragement. I know you're as anxious to see your honey as I am to see mine :love (the things we do for love, lol)

You're going to get through this, and you're going to have a fantastic time with your husband in Ireland. What an awesome opportunity to visit Dublin :)

Hang in there girlie, we're BOTH going to do this!

Hey, we need a Thelma and Louise smiley :lol

:hug

[beaugest]

Hey Vicky, you don't sound dramatic you sound like someone who has a good old fashioned case of FOF. I think most of us can relate.
I think you are overwhelming yourself here. Try to sit down and figure out what is getting you about the trip. List it in order. Then address it little by little. Separate out your issues.
Try to think of what will be wonderful about this trip. you might want to track your flight for a few days. it's good to see the route and see that ARRIVED sign.
Read some of the other posts here which have specific tips about relaxing. I print my favorite posts out and bring them on the plane.
Also, I understand why people want to do it without meds but give yourself permission to use them this time if you need it.
Are you having trouble getting Ray's book? I bought a few extra copies for clients and would be happy to send you one if you think you won't get yours in time.
Most of all keep checking in here. I'm sure you'll get a lot of support.
:bigplane

[MadScientist]

Vicky,
What you are feeling is perfectly normal for a fearful. As beaugest said, go ahead and allow yourself to use meds. trust me, Xanax is not going to loop you. It's just going to take the edge off a bit. You'll still have anxiety to deal with but it will be easier with some meds in you. As Chelle has done, keep yorself resolute to get on that plane. Let the fear piss you off. Get mad at the fear and tell yourself you are stronger than the fear.

If you haven't read my story, go to the SOAR site in the extended threads board and look under the "testimonials of recovery" thread. You can do it too!

Drop us a line when you get back.

[xiknal]

Vicky, I remember that emotional rollercoaster...! It's very typical as we get close to departure time! :cry :) :cry :) :cry :)

Do check out anxieties.com--the FoF section as Chelle suggested. The combo of anxiety education and strategies for taking control of feelings will be helpful and reassuring.

Letting the meds go is a longer-term goal right now. Yes, you will one day soon want to fly without them, but right now, pamper yourself, try to get needed rest and sleep, get everything done that you have to do before your trip, and use some of those techniques to interrupt negative thoughts and replace them with the many bounteous positives. I wish I were about to fly to Ireland...you are so lucky! :bateyes Stay with us and share as the day approaches. You can do this--one step at a time. :jump

Barb

[Passenger Mark]

Hey Vicky,

Please don't beat yourself up for having NORMAL feelings!

Yes... NORMAL... You might be surprised how many folks out there have the same concerns, fears, and anxiety about flying. And I am not just talking about the people here on this forum!

So get that out of your system, because you don't need to feel bad about your feelings.

Now... with that out of the way, you can begin to figure ways to deal with it. And there is a lot of good information in the posts above. So I will not repeat what others have said... I will just put my "amen" onto it.

I did notice this that you wrote...

.....I don't know how I might react...that's the thing that bothers me the most....

I think that is what bothers a lot of us the most. I know that it worried me. I once said that I really don't have a fear of flying, I have a fear of freaking.

But even during my worse attacks, I never once had the urge to go running down the aisle. Or scream out, or anything. For the most part I just sat back and closed my eyes, and clenched the armrest... or went in the lavatory and just stood there.

In all my time of reading boards, I have not yet seen a post where anyone said that they totally freaked out and caused a ruckus on the plane.

Now, I can throw a bunch of stuff out there, and that would make this post into a book! So for now, digest what has been written so far, and the as questions and concerns come up in your mind... ask some more.

Your last sentence where you said... "this is my way of asking for help"... Well, let me tell you, I am glad you did.

The "fun" and "social" stuff on the board is great, and I enjoy it as much as anyone! But the purpose of the board is for what you are doing... asking, giving, and receiving help! So Please, NEVER EVER worry about asking!

Mark

[VictoriaW]

Wow...I'm am overwhelmed with your support and assurance. I am thankful to have others out there that know that I am not crazy! :thumbsup

I think my minor meltdown has started to subside...thank goodness...It's almost Friday and then I will have the weekend to get my thoughts in order before the flights. :D

I appreciate you all...I will definitely post my flight information, and hopefully a couple of you might be able to track a flight or two... :airplane

I'll probably be in and out over the next few days as well to get that "last minute" support! Any and all suggestions are welcomed!

Thanks again,

Vicky :sunshine

[Passenger Mark]

Hey Vicky,

Help is what it is all about!

It is already the weekend for you and Lynda! Lucky!!!!!

You are in Ireland right??? Beautiful country!

Take Care,

Mark

[Disney fan]

Vicky , you are flying to Ireland from Where??????

[VictoriaW]

I am flying out October 11th from Oklahoma to Dallas, Dallas to London, and London to Dublin...I will be posting my flight information soon... :) And I know I'll be checking back here before I go for some last minute encouragement...

Vicky

[Passenger Mark]

Vicky.... Did you post your flight info???

[VictoriaW]

Hey Mark,

As a matter of fact I did this am...it's over on the tracking board! Thanks for asking! And wish me luck!!

Vicky

[Passenger Mark]

Vicky just landed in London!!!

Mark doing his "new & improved" landing dance = :jump :yippee :jump