Hello from me!

[glamtart]

Hey everybody! I just joined up, but I've been lurking here for months. My fear of flying is relatively new, maybe only in the last year or so. Reading all of the information here has really, really helped me, and I'm glad to say that I'm doing a lot better already.

My husband works for a major airline (at the HQ), and we fly a lot. Like nearly every weekend! Because he is an employee, we are able to fly standby as long as seats are available (and it's dirt cheap too!) I fly occasionally for work as well. I do a lot of traveling around in RJ's and MD-80s, but occasionally I get to fly in the big ones as well. I actually love planes, and I love travel... but turbulence scares the heck out of me! I've also developed some sort of weird fatalistic attitude in the last couple of years, like always expecting the worst (Husband late home from work by 15 minutes? Obviously he's been in a car crash! That sort of thing). So I've apparently managed to transfer that over to flights. Little bump in the air? Obviously it's the wing falling off! :lol: Seriously, I used to like to get a window seat on the wing so that I could watch it...

This site has really helped me out, especially being able to read the technical stuff (thanks to all of the lovely pilots here!). My dad's retired USAF and my mom was a stewardess back when they still called them that, so I've asked them for stories too. I figure that if my dad could survive being shot at in a plane, then I can probably survive a perfectly safe commercial flight.

Anyway, I am glad to be here and hope that I can continue to use this site to help myself. I'd also like to help offer support to everyone else. Right now we're possibly getting on a plane to London on Thursday afternoon, depending on whether there are seats available, so I'm already looking forward to getting on a nice, big 777 or 767!

[Passenger Mark]

Hello and Welcome Aboard!

:welcome2:

Sounds like you do what I would do.

What's that bump??? Did something fall off???:eek:

Why is the engine slowing down??? They are not suppose to do that here!

After all the second guessing on all the flights... the plane did just what it was suppose to do. Get me from point A to point B!

But I know how you feel. Promise!

Anyways, you seem to be heading in the right direction, and checking out all the tech stuff here that helps explains what all those little sounds, bumps, etc are. Knowledge really does bring comfort!

Again... Welcome!
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[glamtart]

Thanks for the welcome!

I really love the fact that everyone here is so understanding. Reading through previous posts, I am really touched by the openness and willingness to understand that is exhibited by Taking Flight members. Y'all are awesome!

It's good to know that other people out there have little rituals that "keep the plane in the air," like drinking the same drink, repeating a mantra, holding it up with your tightly clenched bottom, or whatever. I personally like to call home before flying, always say a little prayer as we're pulling away from the gate and again while we're taking off, and I constantly find myself holding up the plane by gripping with every part of my body touching a seat or floor. I also rotate through two or three drinks... branching out would throw things off balance!

Rationally, I know that none of those things help, but I'm going to keep doing them. Except for the seat-holding thing... I'm trying to get rid of that one!

[PositiveLY]

Did you recently have a big life change? It's interesting to me that you have flown and do fly so much and have only developed this fear recently.

I've heard where certain life event changes can trigger this fear. An example: a woman who never had a Fear of Flying develops it after having a baby... I've heard that's pretty common.

[glamtart]

PositiveLY, I think you've hit the nail on the head. I developed the fatalistic thing after I started dating my husband. In the four years we've been together, it's grown. I think it has to do with fear of losing him/fear of him losing me.

In October, we got married, and we had some rough flights on our honeymoon. That's when my big-time fear started. And yes, big life change with the whole getting married thing!

We spent the honeymoon in Spain and Belgium, but to do so we took 6 flights (Dallas to Frankfurt, Frankfurt to Barcelona, Barcelona to Brussels, Brussels to London, London to Miami, and Miami back to Dallas). The Barcelona-Brussels flight was pretty scary because I had heard bad things about the airline we were flying. Turns out they get a lot of customer service complaints, but they're perfectly safe. Anyway, I was already freaked out when we got into the sky and did a really sharp turn over Barcelona - it even scared my husband a bit (even though it looked really cool out of the window). We were on an Airbus, which I now know are notorious for having a lot of weird, but perfectly safe, noises. I didn't know about the perfectly safe part, so I spent the flight thinking we were going to crash.

The Dallas to Miami flight was harrowing, to say the least. We had spent the better part of the day running to and from different terminals in the Miami airport trying to get on a flight. Ah, the joys of standby! We squeezed onto a flight at the last minute, around 8pm. I had been up since midnight local time, because we already traveled the Brussels-London-Miami part of the trip that day. I was tired, super frazzled, and then we had the worst turbulence I've ever experienced. The worst part was that my husband was in the front of the plane, while I was in the middle, so I didn't have a hand to hold. Lots of people were screaming and crying on the plane... that's how bad the turbulence was. Anyway, we finally touched down in DFW after circling for an hour or so, and my FoF was born!

[PositiveLY]

TOTALLY makes sense.

You will learn ways on here to try to reverse the effects of all that traumatic conditioning you have experienced. The good news is that you will develop skills to nip this in the bud, start the healing process and stay flying and enjoying your wonderful life!

Something that I recommend is a Fear of Flying hypnosis cd that I listen to faithfully, every day for a minimum of two weeks before my flights. I bring it with my while away and listen every day too. It's by Glenn Harrold and can usually be found on Amazon.com I usually have a more difficult time on my flights going home so it's important that I keep listening.

In my opinion, hypnosis can be helpful to start erasing some of those bad tapes we FoFers have playing in our heads and replace with new, positive, thoughts.

[glamtart]

Thanks for the tip, PositiveLY. I'll think about that. I don't get to plan trips out, unfortunately, so I can't do much pre-trip preparation. Sometimes we just get up and go (like literally wake up, check online for a flight, book a hotel online, and drive to the airport, all in two hours). Maybe that's a good thing, though, because I don't get to dwell on the upcoming flight. No time to develop AA!

One thing that has been helping me lately is always remembering to take my mp3 player and load it with favorite low-key albums. That helps keep my mind off things since I can go into the "music zone." For longer trips or trips where we might get stuck at an airport for a while, we try to take the DVD player with us, and we bring DVD's of funny TV shows. That's helped me get through some of the nastiest turbulence.

Thanks for your help! :)

[catlover85]

Welcome! :)
I'm new here too, and I have a serious issue with fear of flying...:sigh:
But that's okay everyone here is so nice and they understand how you feel, so it real makes you feel better.
Anyways...welcome!

[EyesSkyward]

I don't have any advice to give, Glamtart. I just wanted to say that your avatar is awesome! :thumbsup:

Welcome to TF!

- Jeff

[glamtart]

Thanks! Nothing like drinking a bit of champagne before tying the knot!! :D

[Jeff California]

Hello and welcome! Glad you came out of lurking.:D

Jeff

[Rebecca]

Welcome, Glam! I am completely intrigued by the get up, book tickets, get on the flight, no AA trip concept that you mention!! THAT is cool, because we all know it's the unplanned stuff in life that be the most fun. I have heard of people doing that ... they don't even wash their breakfast dishes or stop the mail, they just take off for Europe or somewhere!!! :shocked:

But of course for us perfectionistic control freak fearful flyers, that would be a stretch and a half to accomplish. Yet, it appeals ... and what a "growth opportunity! :rotflmao:

I'm glad you're here, too ... seems like you might already be finding some things that address your fear!

:sunshine:

[spleisher]

Once again, let me extend my welcome to the mix. Glad you're here!

One thing you said really struck me as key...

PositiveLY, I think you've hit the nail on the head. I developed the fatalistic thing after I started dating my husband. In the four years we've been together, it's grown. I think it has to do with fear of losing him/fear of him losing me.

This is very, very common. It's so very rare to see kids with FoF. It seems the most common time for onset of this fear is somewhere in the 20's... sometimes later, sometimes earlier..... Very often, it comes on when people have kids. There's something about having a lot to live for that seems to get us focused on our mortality. Kinda makes sense, no?

The trouble here is that with FoF, that focus is rather ill-placed. But who ever said fear was logical, right?

Anyway, I'm one of the pilot-types here, so if you need any reassurance on anything technical, feel free to ask away.

Once again.... welcome..

[Barb-SAN]

Welcome, GlamTart,
Just wanted to say welcome, glad you came out of "lurking" (it took me about a year and a half of lurking before I posted!) That's a great photo and screen name too. And "Queen of Non-Rev"???? had to look up "Non-Rev" on Google....a new aviation term for me...it sounds like an interesting way to travel, and a sure way to learn to travel light! Looking forward to your posts...
:)
Barb-SAN

[Agne]

Hello GlamTart, I wanted to add my welcome to taking flight! :wave:

[glamtart]

Thanks everybody! It's so nice to be welcomed like this.

Yep, I'm a non-revver, which basically means that because my husband works for an airline, we get to fly standby on flights where there is space available ("non-rev" basically stands for non-revenue, which means we are passengers who create no revenue for the company; regular passengers are sometimes called "revenues" for the same reason). Our tickets are really cheap, which is a great benefit of working for an airline, as airline employees are generally a bit underpaid. However, it also means we get bumped off of the plane if those seats need to be given to paying passengers, so we have spent lots and lots of time in airports waiting to get on a flight. I haven't checked bags in forever, and I laugh at how much I used to overpack when I used to buy real tickets and check my bags! Even on our honeymoon, which was a week and a half, we just took carry-ons and non-wrinkle clothes.

We've also had to learn to be very flexible. Last Memorial weekend, we got on a plane that would eventually (with a ton of stops) deposit us in Dublin, but there was a delay in taking off, and we would have missed our connection. So we got off the plane, canceled our hotel reservations, and got on another plane going to Buenos Aires. Flexibility is definitely the key.

Non-rev traveling also means that I'm up in the air a lot, which gives me plenty of time to get freaked out by turbulence, engine noises, and all of that stuff. So I'm really, really glad you guys are here!

[aerobat]

Hi, Glamtart!

I, too, think your avatar rocks!:tongue:

Turb and fatalism...well, I would offer two different strategies.

For the fatalism, keep a journal. Every time that one of those dark thoughts crosses your mind, write it down with the date and time, and then when hubby shows up, or you get home and the house is still standing, make a note of that outcome with date and time as well. Any thoughts you have about where this is coming from (as in, precious things feel fragile) and especially any moments when you can muster a good belly-laugh at all of this...write that down as well. Any perspective you gain from re-reading all your notes...record that too. And share with us any of it that you like.

What you will be doing is cultivating your Neutral Observer, and hopefully you will find that the neutrality becomes more and more supportive as you see that all of your premonitions are fignewtons of your imagination. Then you will have a handy Supportive Observer standing by ready to evaporate those dark thoughts. :magic:

Eventually your brain may tire of dishing them out to you, because you'll be so much better at waving them off.

As for the turb, here's an analogy from medicine (what do I know, ha! :lol: ) Allergies...we all hate them. Repeat exposure to an allergen (the same one) can result in two different outcomes: (1) increased sensitivity (2) decreased sensitivity. The last time I discussed this mystery with a doc he was shaking his head and commenting on the remaining perplexes in medicine...maybe the experts know more now. I do know that I developed a sensitivity to poison ivy through repeated exposure...I went from totally immune to super-sensitive over a couple of years by charging into patches of it intentionally, to, er, show off (in my reckless youth, of course). But people can take pills to desensitize to the stuff, too. It's all in the timing and the dosage. I have not tried this. I just avoid it...which has meant staying out of the woods in North Carolina, among other things. ;)

You have a unique opportunity to desensitize to turbulence. But it appears that so far, even with lots of exposure, that has not happened. You may even have noticed (have you?) that repeat episodes have made you more jumpy.

What can you do to reverse this? First, gain a solid layperson's understanding of anxiety and the process of sensitization. A good start can be found in the Links section of our main page:

http://www.takingflight.us/links/view.php?cid=17&PHPSESSID=7df6fed7fc8ea5b61f4e7d7c8bc582a7

They are all good resources, but my favorite site is called anxieties. com and you can find it there. Learn about how we become increasingly sensitive to the same or even smaller stimuli, once the process is set in place (by fatalism? was that a trigger on your first bad turb ride?).

Then, you can explore time-honored strategies which help you dismantle your fear of turb as you experience it (many people here have discussed these) in combination with all the facts you can gather about turbulence--typically a simple mixing of currents of air much as when two streams flow together. People here love the "Jello Visualization" ...so ask folks to share about that. One person here even made up a batch of jello--grape, I think--and put a toy airplane in it. :lol: I say three cheers to that, now take it with you for lunch on your next flight.

Another thing you might consider is a few flying lessons. This time of year, especially if you fly in the afternoon, you'll get turb for sure whenever the sky is blue. It's a whole 'nother animal when you have the forward view with your hands on the controls. As you develop comfort with that, you can work on building a bridge from the cockpit of a small plane to the passenger cabin of a big one.

Barb

[glamtart]

Aerobat, that was a ton of helpful information. I think I'll take some of that advice and put it to good use!

You have a unique opportunity to desensitize to turbulence. But it appears that so far, even with lots of exposure, that has not happened. You may even have noticed (have you?) that repeat episodes have made you more jumpy.


Yes, yes, yes! With every flight, it got worse - even the tinest bumps would trigger me. My best friend has been flying a lot for business, and the same thing is happening to her: the more flights she takes, the worse it gets. I'll check out anxieties.com... that site will probably help me with both the fatalism thing and the tubulence thing.

By lurking here and reading the information, I think I've already started on the road to recovery. The last few flights I've been able to keep myself pretty calm (although they were relatively smooth, for the most part). I think getting a handle on the fatalism thing will push me further along the path. I get mad at myself, because I know that these fears are irrational, but my rational self becomes mysteriously absent in times of scariness. But I'm learning to take control.

I like the idea of flying lessons. I've always thought that would be fun, ever since a friend of the family took us up in his little 4 seater and flew us over my parents' farm. That was so cool! I was in elementary school at the time, so of course I had no fear, and I even wanted him to fly upside-down, which he didn't. Ah, to be back in those days...

Again, thanks for the lovely advice. I'll take a look at the anxiety links tonight when I get home. And if we do manage to get on a flight tomorrow, I'll take a journal along.

[EyesSkyward]

I like the idea of flying lessons. I've always thought that would be fun, ever since a friend of the family took us up in his little 4 seater and flew us over my parents' farm. That was so cool!

And that's my cue to plug the Be A Pilot (http://www.beapilot.com/indexfl.html) program! :angel:

Check out the list (http://www.beapilot.com/schools/index.html) they have there to find a flight school near you that offers a $59 intro lesson. It varies from school to school, but the first lesson usually has you taxiing, taking off, flying... everything but the landing! :cool:

If you ask me, it's sixty bucks well-spent, whether or not you ever take another lesson.

- Jeff