Oh yay! I have AA now

[PositiveE]

Well it seems to have hit me last night. How do I make a long story short?

My mostly sympathetic fiance and I ended up getting in a fight when I started talking about how I'm feeling. He is VERY stressed out trying to get everything done before our vacation as he is a business owner and I think I got on his last nerve.

I was having a very difficult time expressing myself and just started crying. :cry: He had a ton of work that he had to get to. Anyway, I reallly mean it when I tell you he is usually very supportive about my FoF issues. He said it's like having epilepsy or something.... it's not something I have control over... it just exists.

He did offer to me last night to cancel the trip to Hawaii. Well guys I actually thought about doing it. But I said no, we'll go through with it. It would be so much easier to never have to fly anywhere, but I don't want my issue to have a negative affect on his life.

[tabbygirl]

AA is the worst, really, isn't it? I get it to some degree any time I'm going to be leaving home - flying or not. Once things actually get under way, it tends to fade.

Just keep reminding yourself that it's normal to feel the way you're feeling, and that it doesn't mean anything in terms of safety, flight outcome, trip success, fate or anything else!

Practice some controlled breathing as often as you can throughout the day; it will help you come down from that highly sensitized state. And any time an anxious thought comes to you, remind yourself that you can choose not to deal with that thought just then - you can put it aside until another time. Then go to your controlled breathing or other antianxiety exercises. Don't give up; it takes practice and discipline, but you can certainly do it. Be diligent and you'll start feeling better, really.

Especially remember that if I can handle FOF (after grounding myself for 10 years), you definitely can too! :)

Good luck! Just keep thinking of how great it will feel to reach your destination. And Courtney can shed some light on how sad and disappointed you might feel if you cancel. You can do it!

Angela

[PositiveE]

Especially remember that if I can handle FOF (after grounding myself for 10 years), you definitely can too! :)


So very true Angela. That is a great inspiration. Thank you.

Hey I was "complaining" that I wasn't having any AA so now I have it. Must mean I'll have an anxiety free flight huh? :lol: I've protected myself! So silly....

[StPeteMark]

...Pos, I'm just about ready to start planning our trip to Hawaii. I'm focusing on the gorgeous beaches, the relaxed atmosphere, the pretty weather... AND the Hula Girls!!!:dance: :)
.

[WillFlyToDisney]

AA - sometimes I get a twinge of it but sometimes I don't. I have found though that outside issues in my life tend to play a role. If I am stressed out about my parents being sick or something with my kids then the anxiety creeps back in. After Eddie died last year in the helicopter crash then I felt like I totally regressed and would sob whenever we were descending. Eventually that subsided but if I am frazzled, have had little sleep or am wired on caffeine then the anxiety level is much higher then if I was fully rested and looking forward to my trip.

I can honestly say I have never been GLAD to have AA though I have been surprised when I first realized that I didnt have it every flight anymore. Hope you can say that soon!

[PositiveE]

And I'll betcha a lot that even your regular FF's here still get it. It may happen each and every time you fly. big deal. So what. I've finally learned to suck it up and deal with it. It's going to happen with EVERY flight, so why fight with it?



Very good point Debbie. As Passenger Mark had asked me in another thread..... did you expect to always fly anxiety free?

On the way to work this morning I was thinking again about how recovering from this FoF thing has similarities to what recovering alcoholics go through. They take it one day at a time. We take it one day/flight at a time (hopefully). Just as the goal in AA is not to be a social drinker, I believe that my goal as a recovering FoF is to stop thinking of perfection. Meaning..... I may never fly completely anxiety free like someone who has never had FoF. I can't expect perfection and when I do I'm setting myself up for failure. Does this make sense?

[Passenger Mark]

I can't expect perfection and when I do I'm setting myself up for failure. Does this make sense?

Makes ABSOLUTE sense. In life, setting goals is great, and necessary. But you have to be careful to not set them too high, because if they are unrealistic, and you don't achieve them, then you feel like you have failed.

Take it one step at a time, and with each of those steps comes pride in accomplishment, and the FUEL to tackle the next step.

I still remember that first flight from Ontario California to Phoenix. Not even 45 minutes, but I felt like I had conquered the world. It was the first of many steps.

[WillFlyToDisney]

On the way to work this morning I was thinking again about how recovering from this FoF thing has similarities to what recovering alcoholics go through. They take it one day at a time. We take it one day/flight at a time (hopefully). Just as the goal in AA is not to be a social drinker, I believe that my goal as a recovering FoF is to stop thinking of perfection.

Wow I couldn't DISAGREE more with this statement. Alcoholics are driven by a craving and an addiction not fear. They battle a physical urge for the substance that they abuse - what urge do FOFers battle against? I lived with an alcoholic for years and saw his many failed attempts at recovery while I battled my fear of flying. One day at a time doesn't really apply unless you are flying every day.

Perfection is rarely achieved in anything so why strive for it if you know that it is unattainable? Strive to be comfortable in a situation by arming yourself with the tools you need - you have been given many, many here. Take those and use them and unless you are currently attending AA meetings then one of your tools can be to have a drink or 2 (as long as you arent mixing them with meds) to calm your nerves.

[beeinatree]

hi, what is AA? is that Airplane Anxiety?

[PositiveE]

AA stands for anticipatory anxiety. The anxiety you feel before you're actually on the plane flying. For some people it starts months before they have to fly.

[beeinatree]

hi positivee, im sorry youre having a rough time. i think thats the worse part of flight anxiety.

personally, i hate my neediness. and that i am bothering others. if you want to know the truth, im kind of a loner. not because i have to, but thats the way i am. so i feel a lot of stress in sort of going into other people's spaces and asking for help.

also, even though my husband is a very good friend to me, i do feel bad telling him stuff. he works a lot, too. and the last thing he needs is to have to listen to a total debbie downer on his one nice vacation in five years.

i think its so interesting that so many people here are accepting their anxiety... i never thought of that before, that i should just let myself feel crazy and expect it. hmm.

do you have a journal? they have online ones too if you want to get support by objective people who arent that close to you.

i have a journal that i write in so that i dont bother my husband and my family too much with my thoughts. i mean, i dont mind talking to them about other stuff, but i dont want to tell them about my flight anxiety too much, because im afraid i might make them scared too. and thats not fair to them. so anyway, maybe you'd find a journal helpful? just an idea.

hope you feel better soon.

[beeinatree]

AA stands for anticipatory anxiety. The anxiety you feel before you're actually on the plane flying. For some people it starts months before they have to fly.

oh, thanks. yes, im having that too!!!

[PositiveE]

Hi Bee -

Thanks for your thoughtful repsonse.


I dont bother my husband and my family too much with my thoughts. i mean, i dont mind talking to them about other stuff, but i dont want to tell them about my flight anxiety too much, because im afraid i might make them scared too.


When you say you don't want to talk to your family about it are you talking about your children? or are you talking about siblings or your parents? I would say it is definitely not something you want to discuss with your children, but maybe someone else in your family would be more understanding than you think. Remember, you can't "make" anyone else be scared.

You can definitely find a sympathetic "ear" here on the board so keep posting!