should you tell a stewardess about FOF?

[beeinatree]

Back in December a guy was shot because he said he had a bomb (supposedly) but I thought it sounded like he had FOF. And he just wanted off the plane. It sounded to me maybe he didn't want to show he was nervous, so he didn't tell anybody.

Do you think its possible that someone with FOF could get really nervous and then get shot? I was watching CNN and there was a lady who was on the plane next to him and she said he looked very suspicious and she thought it was good he was shot (which is crazy imo). They asked why she thought he was suspicious and she said it was because there was so much anxiety and nervousness coming from his direction. Well, what might that be, I thought. It might be FOF?

So I was thinking, Are people going to think I'm suspicious and then am I going to get shot?

I told my husband that maybe I should tell the stewardesses I'm afraid to fly. I stopped telling them, because I didn't want to spread my bad energy their way.

My husband told me he thinks its selfish if I do that, because they have a job to do and don't need me to be negative, which I agree with. I don't want to ruin their day, especially because the first time when I flipped out, the stewardess seemed to cry a little bit at how much I was flipping out. I felt very bad at that.

But now I think maybe I should tell them, because if I get nervous (especially as nervous as I did the first time I developed my fear) maybe they will think I am wacky and then I will get shot. I don't want to get shot.

What do you think about this?

Here is an article about the guy who got shot:

http://www.cnn.com/2005/US/12/07/airplane.gunshot/index.html

[cshollingsworth]

the last few times i have flown i have told the FA when i get on board...the one that stands up front, near the cockpit. the last time, i walked on board and i said, "hello! i'm your fearful flyer today." she was really nice about it and she said that she would swing back to talk to me. the pilot just happened to be standing there too and i said, "if you don't mind, could you tell us where we are occassionally,...that helps me a lot."

the pilot did just that...he was on the PA about once every 30 minutes telling us where we were, flight time, etc. he was great.

i think if you can tell them, but in a friendly, not in a scary "i'm gonna freak" kind of way, they appreciate it more. some of them will ignore you no matter what, but then there are some of them that will talk to you and go that extra mile. i've had both kinds. one of them told me that i didn't need to worry as long as she didn't "look" worried and then she tossed in "i hadn't had an event since i started flying 6 years ago." that was good news, just didn't want her to say that and jynx things. :eek: but, she didn't jynx it and we made our flight fine and dandy.

soooo, maybe if you can tell them, keep a smile, look positive (trust me...i know firsthand how hard that is when you are fighting back tears and shaking knees)...but that seems to break the ice. it's just a thought...not sure what the others might suggest...i'm sure they'll come along with other info. and suggestions in a bit.

[CaptainStark]

Despite what some on this board may have attempted to insinuate, this guy was not shot because he was a "fearful flier," but rather because he failed to follow orders from two law enforcement officers. These Federal Air Marshalls fly many days a week and most of them have probably talked quite a few nervous people through flights. They understand the fear because they witness it day in and day out. They are on that plane to protect everyone from a "perceived threat" that they have been uniquely trained for. The individual in this event failed to follow simple instructions by law enforcement officers to stop and when her turned around in the jetway and headed back toward the plane, they assumed he may have been carrying an explosive device (which reports indicate he said he had while on the plane). His wife confirmed that he was bi-polar and had been off his medication for some time. This information was immaterial to the officers who knew if he had a bomb and made it back on that aircraft, many people would likely die. While one poster suggested the details surrounding this event would likely not stand under further investigation, or that the "real" facts surrounding the event were massaged in some kind of clandestine conspiracy, time has shown this viewpoint is pure conjecture, and not "informed" conjecture I might add.

There are many ways to remove yourself from the gene pool. Drink and drive. Cross the street without looking. Go to sleep with a cigarette in your hand. Try to beat the train at the crossing. Or, tell people on a plane you have a bomb and then act erratically and run off the plane, fail to respond to individuals who identify themselves as law enforcement officers (who by the way are aiming weapons at you) and then run back at them and the plane when they are pointing those weapons at you and telling you to stop.

Relax. No one is going to shoot you (unless you disobey direct orders from law enforcement). Someone who suffers from "routine" FoF will not do what this individual did. His erratic behavior was the result of not taking his bi-polar meds. There is a message there for those suffering from bi-polar: Take your meds and do not stop unless your physician instructs you to.

And by all means: Identify yourself as "todays fearful flier" if you want to break the ice with the crew and establish a communication path with them. That is a great idea.


Hope that helps.

:ray:

[MarcoAviator]

My husband told me he thinks its selfish if I do that, because they have a job to do and don't need me to be negative, which I agree with. I don't want to ruin their day, especially because the first time when I flipped out, the stewardess seemed to cry a little bit at how much I was flipping out. I felt very bad at that.

I disagree. It is THEIR job to ensure your comfort. If that means paying special attention because you are an FOF-er so be it.

IMO it is selfish NOT to tell them. If you tell them, you pretty much share the info that you are afraid, so now if you start blabbering or crying they'll know why and they won't get nerovous that you are crying because you just spotted an arab looking guy with a bomb strapped to his chest in seat 12B.

Telling them you are afraid makes THEIR life easier, not harder.

In aviation we alwaays say that we don't like surprises. The FAA doesn't like surprises. Marshals don't like surprises. Air Traffic Control doesn't like surprises. Pilots dont' like surprises. Flight attendants ... well they are no different.

You want to know all the info you need to know BEFORE the plane gets off the ground ... that's the #1 rule of aviation.

So by you telling them you are afraid to fly, you are doing your job to prepare THEM for the flight so that they have all the information they need to interpret situations correctly, and react according to their training.

Remember: You are not an uknown or a weirdo. You are a chapter in the Flight Attendants' Manual. You are part of their training. They are trained to deal with you and they deal with people like you (and me!!) every flight.

By telling them who you are you are taking the surprise factor away so that they know what they need to do.

I wouldn't be surprised if they told you "Thank you for letting us know!"

[Jeff California]

I do the same thing Courtney does... a relaxed "hi, I am Jeff and I get nervous about flying, can I peak in and meet the pilot?" It is hard to meet the pilot if the FA doesn't know you want to meet him/her. It is not selfish and maybe your hubby is just a little emberassed about making an issue of your fof. However, when it comes to meeting the pilot, it is worth the trouble.

Ray explained the "getting shot" incident very well imo.

Have a great flight!

Jeff

[LeslieDEN]

I wouldn't be surprised if they told you "Thank you for letting us know!"

That literally happened on one of my flights. After the pilot-meet, as I was heading to my seat, the FA who had introduced us stopped me and said, "I just want to thank you for doing that. We fly all the time and we forget that not everybody does. We need to be reminded." I was really touched that she would say that. They do care, they really do.

[Jeff B]

Captain Ray is absolutely right about the situation with the guy who got shot. He (the passenger, not Captain Ray!) was bi-polar, off his meds, and speaking and behaving in such a way that a threat was perceived. All in all, the events that transpired are worlds away from the "norm."

Back to your situation (I'm jealous that you're going on a cruise by the way), it never hurts to let the FAs know you are a fearful flier--these folks are professionals who work with all sorts of passengers daily, so they are well-equipped to help you, reassure you, give you some encouragement, and provide information. The Crew is there to ensure your safety, and if you let them know of your fears, more times than not, they will be glad to check on you in flight to see how you are doing. Of course, I'm sure you will be fine considering you will probably be thinking of all of the fun you are going to have on your cruise!

[beeinatree]

hi i tried to post but i got timed out. i wanted to thank you for your inputs.

thinking that im just chapter 10 lol and that its just fear lol and that maybe im helping them really puts it into perspective for me.

[beeinatree]

i think maybe i dont have a good perspective on where other people are coming from. it never occured to me also that air marshalls have already figured out whats going on.

one reason i hide my fear is because im afriad that my fear will spread and then the plane will go down. maybe thats irrational. but the fear seems to have hit me almost like a virus. so i kind of see it like that.

[beeinatree]

im not sure if i could meet the pilot, because once i looked into the cockpit and almost passed out, but i will definitely tell the fas from now on...

thank you for clarifying about that guy who was shot btw.

[beeinatree]

There is an old saying that goes, "A problem shared is a problem halved." I have always found that admitting my fear to others has helped to reduce it. I have also found that about one in five people that hear me talk about fear of flying are also afraid. Talking about being fearful has given me the opportunity to help people, which has helped to dimish my fear and theirs.

I can assure you that the plane is held aloft by the immutable laws of physics, not the happy thoughts of passengers. ;)

lol that is so funny. "the happy thoughts of passengers" !! I guess I'm being kind of silly. I didn't think of it that way, hehe.

:)

[beeinatree]

You're not the first one. :) I used to imagine that the plane would crash because I "deserve it." Finally, someone pointed out that the other 136 people probably didn't deserve it. Or at least a majority of them don't. So, now I try to book myself on flights full of nuns and Peace Corps volunteers and I avoid planes full of lawyers and politicians. :lol:

hehe @ the plane full of nuns.

that is actually how i feel though. that i deserve it. not that i deserve it, but that basically im a huge sinner in life etc etc. maybe i got that from church. fire and brimstone! im not sure where i got it from.

that surprises me you felt that way... is it common for people with fof to feel this way?

[MarcoAviator]

im not sure if i could meet the pilot, because once i looked into the cockpit and almost passed out ...


Why?

Usually when I look into a cockpit I drool ...

... and when the engines roar at takeoff I pant like a dog and I would wag my tail if I had one. :happyguy:

[kari]

Usually when I look into a cockpit I drool ...



I know the feeling .... ;)

[PositiveE]

Well, I'm not a therapist so those on here that are can probably explain this concept better..... magical thinking.


one reason i hide my fear is because im afriad that my fear will spread and then the plane will go down. maybe thats irrational. but the fear seems to have hit me almost like a virus. so i kind of see it like that.



Those of you that are professional therapists will be able to tell that I've delved into Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. This kind of thinking (and believe me I've experienced it myself) as you've stated above is a cognitive distortion. Now I realize that just hearing that is not going to change your feelings. but maybe it will be a start to a recognition that will help you on your path to healing. When I participated in CBT I realized that I had numerous cognitive distortions. I grew up with a mother who had every cognitive distortion that you can imagine so it makes sense that I learned the same things. I have since learned that I don't control others thoughts or feelings or cause them to act in a certain way. I certainly can't control in any way, shape or form what will happen with a plane or cause a crash.

There is a book called The Feeling Good Handbook by David Burns that you might want to check out if you want to learn more. You can buy it on Amazon.

[beeinatree]

I think you two are drooling for different reasons. :D

hehe

[beeinatree]

thank you for your insight, postivee. i will check out the book...

and thanks sean, ill also keep an eye out for barb's posts.

:)